I'm back! - yet again!
 

Hello SR!

We have met before a few times but I tend to do disappearing acts quite frequently when I become indecisive about quitting the drink and of course, it usually means I've decided to just continue drinking.

I've probably tried to quit wine twice a year for about the last 3 years and each time I decide to go back to drinking, it does seem to get progressively worse somehow.

I'm 32, work full-time as a high school teacher and wine is my poison of choice. I often drink in the evenings during the week and the weekend, more than often I am alone when I drink (I hardly ever go out anymore) and have been known to turn down an opportunity to go out because I'd rather just stay in with my bottle of wine...how sad is that?

I've tried moderating several times and find it really really hard and painful to be honest. I don't want just one or two - I want the whole bottle and sometimes more than a bottle of wine.

Over the last couple of years, I've been living with a couple of people who don't seem to drink very much and it's brought the sheer amount of what I drink into focus I guess. I can clearly see that my drinking is totally abnormal in comparison to my flatmates whom drink now and then.

But the thing that is really getting to me is fatigue. This is a relatively new thing...I just feel like crap all the time and it doesn't matter how early I go to bed at night, I always feel so tired in the mornings and I really struggle with my energy levels as the days go on. I can't say for sure whether this is because of drinking, but I'm pretty certain it's connected. I'm starting to struggle with productivity at work, and last week I had a couple of days where my brain was just...totally foggy and I couldn't really think at all. It was terrible and it scared the crap out of me. I then spent the majority of the weekend in bed or on the couch, sleeping/not doing anything.

It's just really hit home to me that this is crunch time. This is my life, and I don't want it to be like this. I'm trying to do positive things in my life and overall, I just feel like wine is really holding me back in a lot of ways; it's keeping me stuck and I can't move forward and progress as a person until I get a hold of this issue.

So I'm back...day 4 almost done which means I've had my first sober weekend for 2017, and it was fine. I'm considering going to some AA meetings this time around and I'm also making more of podcasts as I really enjoy listening to them - have found a couple about addiction recovery which I'm finding useful so far.

I'm scared, but there is also a big part of me that is soooo curious about what life would be like without alcohol and there is an element of excitement when I think about that too. I wonder...I need to find out - now is the time!

Thanks and hope you are all doing well :thanks

Welcome back Kellyrally, along with stopping to drink booze you should see a doctor. Fatigue could be something else or a side effect from damage caused from booze. Good luck and keep posting

Hi Kellyrally, great user name! Welcome back!

I've got ten years on you, I'm 42. If I had made the break from alcohol at your age I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. I probably drank about as much as you at your age, loved my wine! Around 34 I started buying vodka to use in sugar free mixed drinks because I was trying to lose weight (ridiculous right?). You can imagine how that went, near the end I could easily drink 3/4ths of a bottle a night. I felt like hell all the time, but I wasn't a quitter!!!

Oh to have those years back. I know you have heard this a many times, but alcoholism is absolutely progressive. Stopping now is the best thing you can do for your future self. I'm excited for you! You've got this!

thank you and yes will definitely be going to the doctor - need a full checkup anyhow so no better time!!

Thank you and yes, definitely feel like I am on a slippery slope that ain't leading anywhere good! Glad to be making this choice now, just hope I can do it.

I'm glad to see you back here Kelly :)

D

Thanks Dee

Kelly - welcome. I agree- see a doc. Tiredness can be an indication of imbalance- perhaps anaemia, diet- whatever. Go to some meetings. It sdoes not mean turning into an AA zealot - there is also SMART. Of course SR is great- I ghost it most nights while pottering. Look about- what can you do to inspire yourself? Something you have wanted to do- but haven't? Climb a mountain, karaoke- whatever.
Keep posting. Support to you. PJ

I have been to a few meetings in AK. I particularly like the young peoples group Saturday Night meeting.Really cool fellowship, and they often go to the food court after. There are lots of others, and just about every flavour you could imagine. You are bound to find something that you like.

Kelly

Sounds like booze has stopped working for you.
Best to take heed because it doesn't get better if we don't stop drinking.
If alcoholic?

Is drinking a luxury?
Or now become a necessity?

M-Bob

Howsit going Kelly

Very smart of you to see a doctor - my first appointment in two years was March 8, 10 days before I put the bottle down, and my BP was 186/102 - that's stroke territory ! I had eschewed the BP meds I was on because I was either only sober when the pharmacy was closed, or had chosen to spend Rx money on my other "medicine."

Just 4 days sober, my BP is still a bit elevated, but out of the danger zone, and I'm back on my meds. I'm eating a lot better (except for Chinese today for lunch ! LOL), and staying hydrated. Water and flavored seltzer are my new best friends.

Stay strong and stay connected - God Bless

How are you doing, Kelly?