Dls2041

It's something I've heard constantly lately and it just depletes me. It gets my AV going in full swing. I didn't realize how many of my friendships/relationships were with heavy drinkers. How convenient. It makes me feel like this is such an uphill battle and I'll be fighting this forever. I'm so tired of justifying my sobriety to everyone. It's almost like I HAVE to have a reason. It's not acceptable to just be sober. I've had moments where I've felt weak, moments where I've felt bad, but I'm over three weeks in and feel overall pretty optimistic about my sobriety when I don't hear these things. 3 weeks isn't a lot, but it's a start. I'm proud of that.

I stopped drinking after quite the bender in Vegas. Anytime I have tried to drink even just a beer I get horrible withdrawals and several days of anxiety and all the nasty stuff that goes with it. My desire to never feel that way again is and will always be greater than my AV. I feel like I can always overcome my AV, but sometimes it's hard to look at my husband (unhappily sober right now as a courtesy to me) or my best friend and hear them say how much they miss the drunk me. The past three weeks have been a roller coaster of physical, mental and emotional feelings and I'm just trying to navigate my way through all this. I don't think I'm so bad sober. Lol.

This isn't a vacation from drinking. This isn't a temporary thing. My friends and family keep saying they can't wait til I can "figure this out" and "be able to drink again". I think I have finally figured this all out and the key component is NOT drinking again. Just feeling a little dejected because so much has changed. Mostly good things, but lots of mental and physical changes. Looking forward to the brighter side of this all. Thank you for reading/listening to me vent and for all the help, guidance and knowledge you've shared the past 3+ weeks. I'm forever in debt to many of you here at SR and super appreciative of this forum.

Anna

You're doing great!

Early recovery is a time for soul-searching and some tough choices. Are there things you can do with your best friend that don't involve drinking - go for coffee, yoga, hiking - that kind of thing? I'm with you on feeling the nasty anxiety. I went through that too. And, I wouldn't go back there for anything. Use this time to gather strength and clarity and I think you will find your way.

Chuck39

I completely understand this. Very recently I saw some old friends and felt very real anxiety over their level of uncomfortableness with my sobriety. It was almost a trigger in and of itself because I just thought, order a drink and don't drink it just so everyone calms down and acts normal again. I didn't and it continued to be awkward and I think the lesson learned is ... don't go out again with those people until you can feel supported by them in your sobriety. Just telling myself "they'll be more comfortable if I drink" was an eye opener. It's both changing behaviors and some times reassessing certain relationships.

least

If they miss the drunk you, just tell them that you don't miss it. And it is, after all, your life.

Ignore them. Or, if they keep bothering you about it, tell them flat out they're being rude. Some people have to be told to shut up.

Maudcat

It's very early days yet. As time goes on, family and friends will accept the new you. Some will fall away because they were drinking buddies, not friends. Some will come to value your sobriety. Peace.

ljc267

If I had to guess they are envious of what you have done and are wanting you to come back to their level.

Any real friend would be happy to see that you are working to be happier and healthier.

freshstart57

Friend: I liked you better when you were drinking.
Me: I know! I liked you better when I was drinking, too!

Some friends were just people to drink with. When the drinking went away, so did they. Other friends are still important, and supported me through all of my sobriety challenges. It's just the way of it, and it's ok. You know what your way forward will need to be. Stick to your decision, no matter what. Never allow yourself to question it, all doubt and thoughts of inability to succeed are just AV. Recognize it, set it aside, and congratulate yourself. You have just performed another death defying act! Well done.

duane1

You will feel less and less anxiety about this as time goes on. At parties you will start gravitating towards the more sober people because the drunks will start seeming annoying.

Dls2041

I think often times misery loves company. I did when I was drinking, so I get it. I drank for years to help with social anxiety. And now I'm having social anxiety from not drinking. Oh the irony! I know this too shall pass, hopefully sooner than later. I had no idea my sobriety would impact others so much and I also didn't realize how much alcohol was apart of "me" or at least the way others perceived me. " drunk " is an adjective I'm happy to say goodbye to.

The common response is "oh I'm sorry you can't drink anymore" or "wow that must really suck" instead of congrats, that's a really great step to take or good luck in your sobriety. The social stigma that surrounds sobriety is unreal and I never realized it until now.

Dls2041

[QUOTE=freshstart57;6372618]Friend: I liked you better when you were drinking.
Me: I know! I liked you better when I was drinking, too!

this is great!

FloRida2017

I get this all the time from my best friend. It's like he's depressed that I'm not drinking anymore. I made a deal with him that I won't preach about not drinking and he has to not complain about me not drinking. We have been friends for 17 years so since kids. I've been working on being just as "fun" to be around sober

Dls2041

I've been working on being just as "fun" to be around sober[/QUOTE]

Me too. I want it to be genuine one day because I've had to force it lately. Praying for a good surge of dopamine soon! 😊

freshstart57

DLS, we all understand that alcohol changes our behaviour, it reduces inhibitions for example. You can't expect to be the same sober as you were in the past after a few drinks. Maybe that is the point here. It wasn't real. It is scary at first to trust this, but the real you, the honest one, is the better one to be, every time. People will respond to you differently, it's true, but they will be more real and honest in response. I like that a lot better. I bet you will too.

Just be you., the real you. Nobody can do you like you do. And everybody else is already taken anyway. Hang in there!

Dee74

I can't blame my drinking friends for thinking I was less fun sober - they only ever saw one facet of me.

It took a lot of effort just to stay sober in those first months - I had no reserve in my 'fuel tank' to keep up appearances anymore.

My real friends tho? They saw how empty and depleted I was getting trying to live that life and how dangerous the stakes were.

They urged me to change.
I did.

No regrets

Now I get the best of both worlds - sober and fun

D

Delilah1

Three weeks is great! It really does get easier as the time passes. My husband still drinks, and it no longer bothers me, I would like him to stop completely, it can only control me. I am getting close to 15 months sober, and I am very happy with how much more manageable my life is.
I still dread my alarm in the mornings, but no longer have a headache, or foggy feeling as I am heading out the door to work, and my weekend days are much more productive!!

FreeOwl

"Well, I don't. And honestly, the people who want that person ought to look elsewhere for companionship.... because my life is worth more to me than that."

Don't let ANYONE get in your way.

Life is way too precious.

bluedog97

I felt this way for a long time. Fear of missing out (FOMO) and worrying that people wouldn't like me sober kept me drinking. Eventually I drove everyone away anyway while I sat at home drinking alone. What can I say, its progressive. Something to think about.