Linz805

I drank for many of reasons, anxiety lonliness, happiness, any type of feelings. When I sat down and read the big book and worked with other alcoholics I realized I drank so much was because I'm an alcoholic. I thought if I could figure out the why maybe I wouldn't anymore. I had to understand I just can't drink anymore if I want a happy life. Focus on what you CAN do to stay sober each day not living in the problem of why.

kevlarsjal

When I was still drinking I managed to make myself believe that I had to drink because I had such bad anxiety and other ptsd related stuff. I thought once that would be solved (dealing with my traumas) I'd magically stop drinking.

I decided to see a therapist to get treated for my ptsd. I had a hard time finding one cause they all told me I had to stop drinking for at least 6 months before I could start a therapy. That didn't make sense to me as I was convinced the reason I drank was the trauma, so how should I be able to stop when I still suffer from it? Also not drinking for half a years just seamed insane to me.

6 months later at 5 months sober I now know that I drank cause I'm an alcoholic. There might have been other reasons that caused me to start drinking 15 years ago but the past years there was only that one reason why I drank. Addiction. In my case physical addiction and the inability to deal with my emotions.

So IMO you don't need to know why you first started drinking to be able to stop drinking.

But once you're sober for a little while it can be helpful to analyse it and to start dealing with whatever made you drink initially. Also I think it's much easier to see the reasons behind it when you're sober. Things start to get much clearer.

tomsteve

i am so glad you are seeing the lie that its normal- the lie that alcoholism is tellin ya.
enjoying life without alcohol...phew!! i had absolutely no clue how to do that. but i was willing to learn.
it was a wild journey through the learning. there i was doin things that many people enjoyed, yet it felt reeeeeaalllly weird without alcohol- it didn't feel normal.
but i kept doing. eventually i learned how to enjoy a lot of life- like
sittin here this morning with my 3 year old great nephew that just woke up sittin right next( hes tryin to crawl on my lap so i think im done typin for a while) to me watchin little einsteins( they rock!).

it took T.I.M.E. to learn to enjoy life
Things
I
Must
Earn

August252015

I drank because I am an alcoholic. Period. The rest of it- oh, there is a lot of that!- was just a symptom of my underlying disease.

I am in AA and I believe the BB- one passage in particular applies here- when we stop drinking, we often find that the other problems we had don't exist "anymore." (paraphrase 4th ed). My BPD dx, the "anti-social" behavior, the promiscuity, the depression the.....moot points now that I am sober (1) and have a completely different life in recovery (2).

I too spent a lot of time on the "why" - and kept on drinking. Mainly because I was determined to figure that out - then, clearly I could stop drinking becuse the problem would be solved. For me- no dice- I had to stop drinking and the problem became removed, based on my daily work.

Stopping to drink, at the VERY least, gives your brain time to clear. Continued sobriety keeps giving you the chance to gain a different (often dramatically so) view of....everything.

My dr asked me "why" too....now I think he was being rhetorical. I had to accept that I was an alcoholic, and that was the ultimate, basic, absolute why.

Good luck.

Fly N Buy

Ya know AA didn't invent most of what the program entails. There are some universal truths that the founders introspectively compiled which allow us to see ourselves as perhaps never before.

A few friends here have worked some AA principles in their own ways as they discussed. Pg 64 of our book - Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

This involves a personal inventory - taking stock of our assets and liabilities. Many who do this find it very healthy and helpful. I found working with another who had done this kept me on track and not bogged down beating myself up silly.

The program works for a simple reason - one alcoholic working with another sharing their experience, strength and hope.

AA encourages using medical resources as well. No one here would argue that professional help for suicidal ideations shouldn't be sought. Alcoholism can be fought on several fronts at once - willingness t o be willing can be a start. I had to move my feet and not just my mouth

Thanks for the thread - it's very helpful to others.

Ariesagain

I drank because I enjoyed how it felt. Then I drank because I had been drinking long enough that I had become biochemically addicted to alcohol...my brain only knew one answer as to how to feel good or how to stop feeling bad.

For me, making it more complicated than that isn't necessary. It's also a potential rationalization...okay, I thought THAT was why I drank but here I am still drinking so I guess I had better keep looking.

I keep it simple. I was biologically addicted to alcohol and I can't drink it.

Della1968

^^^Yes!! I definitely had to get sober first but there were a lot of issues to work through. Many I wasn't even aware of. I get what you guys are saying but I think sometimes people don't drink "Just because they are alcoholics" for many of us there were things that led up to the alcoholism and it does people a disservice to say those things don't matter.

biminiblue

I have six pages of reasons why I drank - or rather, things I was trying to forget or blot out. While I drank all I did was reset the "poor me" button every day.

The only way to heal from those things is to stop drinking and then work through them. I don't think there is anyone over the age of six who doesn't have some issue of betrayal, abuse, trauma, etc. in their past. Alcohol is a poor friend when it comes to healing from those things, all it does is prolong the pain and tap into and reinforce that victim mindset.

I haven't ever written about my past traumas in detail on this site, but you can be sure I have plenty of past experiences that would "justify" my continuing to drink. I had to get sober to figure out how to let them go and how to continue to live in this world as it is. Not only that, now I don't add any new traumas because I know how to stay in my own skin and not take on other peoples' issues, and not put myself in harm's way with my reckless behavior.

Della1968

I don't see at any point where I said past trauma should be used as an excuse to drink. In fact I said I had to get sober first in order to address them. Nor do I think I have any worse trauma than anyone else. I just think when people post that issues don't matter it's not very helpful. JMHO.

PurpleKnight

Sobriety was a great foundation for me to build a life upon, to be able to rediscover and deal with who I was, it allowed me to open my eyes as to all the insecurities that I liked to drink away, the things I didn't particularly like about myself and all those things I escaped from for many years.

I've figured out many things, but that took time and there's probably no definitive answer as to why I drank, because part of it was escalated and concentrated by the madness of addiction, which when it's all boiled down, some become addicted to alcohol and some can take it or leave it as moderate drinkers.

For me if I was waiting around for the answer I'd still probably be drinking, as I'm still growing and evolving in my views on that, but instead Sobriety has helped me to discover at least some of the answers!!

FreeOwl

You can spend several otherwise-good decades of your life trying to figure out "why do I drink"??

Or... here... I can give you the answer; Because you're addicted to drinking and it will always get worse if you continue to drink at all.

That's all you need to know about "why you drink".



Try investigating these instead; "what are the loftiest things I want from my life? How can I deeply know myself? What will fulfill me? How can I live with the greatest presence, abundance, joy, service, love and goodness as I'm able to"?

Focus on these - commit to seeking these questions in SOBRIETY.... and I gurantee your life will be a gajillion times better.

Fly N Buy

Winner!

uncorked

For me, it was all about escape. Escaping my anxiety at being unhappily married. Escaping the anger I felt at being disrespected by my husband and stepkids (although it usually served to make me more angry and behave in ways that guaranteed disrespect...) Escaping boredom. Once I stopped drinking, I could deal with those feelings in a healthier manner. But like many said, the key is to first just stop drinking and figure out the whys when you're sober.

MarkTwain

Friend, you sense that you have underlying problems and you probably do.

Drinking is usually the tip of the iceberg.

In fact, no matter how painful it might be, drinking might very well be the least significant issue you have, but you must understand that it is your FIRST issue. Unless you stop drinking it is unlikely that you will get off the tip of the iceberg and make your way down below the surface of the water.

Forward12

It's common for those with mental health issues to abuse alcohol as a poor way to self medicate, and addressing those issues for most is the core problem to everything. Though that isn't the case for everyone, many are just alcoholics because they are alcoholics.

BrendaChenowyth

I think most of the time the underlying issue is a need to "escape".. So maybe recovery is all about creating a life that you don't want to escape from. It's just really hard to convince yourself and stay convinced that you have total control, that your past doesn't define you, that you are enough.. Most of the time we are full of anxiety about what the future will bring, and we learned very early on how to press the off button on our anxiety and, hell, thoughts in general. If I could get to where I felt totally in control all the time I wouldn't even enjoy drinking.

BrendaChenowyth

lol and then I saw a thread title about letting go of the need to control, and thought, oh yeah.. that's what you're supposed to do!

HFA

Im the same. My screen name, HFA, is kinda a jerky take on Highly Functioning Alcoholic. I have a great job making amazing money. House, great kids, loving relationship with my SO. Very far from rock bottom.

But I drink to much. I am not covering up some deep dark past. No horrible child hood. I drank because I liked to drink. I liked the unwinding and the taste and the buzz and the experience.

Then one day, it wasnt. I went from the first beer of the day to blacked out driving and doing crap that i hate thinking back on. Id wake up on the basement floor or in the car.

So now I dont drink anymore. I still have cravings, but I know the longer I dont drink and the more I know im not a drinker. The easier it will become.

stay strong and sober on.

duane1

I drank to excess and quit 5 years ago. I haven't a clue as to why I started. Perhaps I had small insecurities, but no more than anyone else. I think people who were never addicts shouldn't offer opinions on what may or may not cause addictions. They are truly out of their realm.

Scruffanie

Do you know what triggered your relapses? Perhaps start there?

For me, finding the reason why I drank became less important than finding a way to not drink. Now that I am not drinking I can focus on the whys. I'm still figuring them out. It seemed to be that life was just overwhelming, I'd rather drink away responsibility rather than face it.

Whatever the reason I have come to believe the answer l for meies in being sober.

Wishing you well my friend