Hi
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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Hi
Hi I'm new to this site. I'm going by the name Sargeant. I've been wrestling with powdered cocaine for about four years now and I am at a point where i will try anything to enable me to quit. I first got on it at a point in my life that despite consistent huge trauma from the age of two, I hadn't reached before. At this point I had totally ran out of steam, there was nothing left in the tank. I had tried with all my might to get on in life, follow a moral compass and be considerate, selfless and law-abiding and yet life God, Source just wouldn't stop handing me lemons. So when i was offered a line I though **** it, why not? I took in and so far the rest is history. Although now my first ever girlfriend....the love of my life has come back to me after i yearned for her for 24 years, and we are making plans to start a new life together. So why aren't I quitting.
Here's a song I wrote about addiction. Bless, Sarg
Here's a song I wrote about addiction. Bless, Sarg
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 7
Thank you for your kind words Sunshine. What happened to me as a child cannot be understood or rationalized, i have learned to cope with it by accepting that it cannot be explained or understood in any way. Once again thanks for taking the time to welcome me
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Join Date: Dec 2013
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I understand because I also experienced childhood traumas as well. You are right. Sometimes things cannot be understood or rationalized. Only to be left in the past as much as possible. And to not let it define us. However, it started me out in life terrified and unable to trust anyone... Not a good foundation I suppose. And could explain my love to be taken away from reality by getting intoxicated. Good thing is after lots of attempts I'm now mostly happy and positive and now thankfully sober... Although, I do have a sad side that comes out once in a while. We can be here for each other. SR is wonderful like that. and it's open 24/7 and the admission to get in is free will and honesty with yourself. I guess the point of my message to you is that you are not alone, and your childhood trauma comment rang a bell with me. Happy you are here. Keep reaching out.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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Strategy
Since I started taking charlie regularly about four years ago I have been trying to think of how I could get off it. I thought that since Cocaine addiction is said to be only psychologically addictive, then the key to recovery lay in the frame of mind,-the thinking. Then a recovery worker told me that I will not think my way out of addiction, the key is in actions. I recently went through a spell of taking more action than I have before (I just seemed incapabale of even trying up until last summer) and having no success in reducing my rate of using. This lead me to think that my recovery must take the form of a two pronged attack- a pincer movement. I must tackle my addiction both practically and cognitively. I also believed that all I need is more strength, I now think that intelligence must play a part also. I have a solo gig in South London tomorrow and as always I was triggered into using. Sometimes I feel totally powerless before the White Demon. Gods speed to everyone. Sarge
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Addiction defies rational thought. My drinking was (like many) due to a crap past. Those memories imbibed everything I did. I lived each day with the same feelings- because I could not grow, as each day was a rerun of the same emotions. One I still struggle with- BUT this time with professional guidance, support from meetings and SR, I can live today- deal with the past and reflect/plan for the future. For me- the emotional connection with my past haunts me every moment of every day. The trick, for me is to deal with the crud with a mindful- growing emotional maturity. That the past is just that. It does not define me. Action, cognitive thought- and emotional acceptance, growth and awareness. The has to be a safe- a proactive, a useful emotional/spiritual connection with everything I do. Whether it is cleaning the bog, waiting patiently in line at the bank- or listening with compassion at a meeting at a serial relapser who does not seem to 'get it'. Drinking did not help- it accelerated the speed of my catastrophic nexus event with such an intensity my choices were severe. Learn- grow and live, or continue drinking and die.
I respect, empathise and support your narrative. PJ
I respect, empathise and support your narrative. PJ
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