Brand New to SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 67
Brand New to SR
Wow! I am actually doing it...This is Day 50 sober for me and my first time ever actually writing anything about my sobriety so please be patient. I have been following SR since Day 1 and sincerely believe this community has been the reason that I have made it this far.
I turned 50 last year and realized that I had not had a sober day (apart from my two pregnancies) in over 30 years. My vice is wine (white specifically) and had gradually crept up to two bottles a night during the week and non stop from morning to night on the weekends. I basically was unable to function without a full glass in my hand and every day was beginning to become the same mind-numbing drudgery to the point that I couldn't stand myself anymore and wanted to stop but just couldn't imagine a life without drinking.
A bit of background. I am the mother of two teenage boys, have a stressful/demanding job with a long commute and my partner travels approximately every second week for work...so wine has been my crutch to get through the long stressful and somewhat lonely weeks but I have let it get out of control.
Funny how life sometimes work though.. In January I had been to see my doctor who was concerned over some recent blood work results, high blood pressure, and recent weight gain. This ended in an honest "come to Jesus" chat that was very teary (on my part) with a definite plan in place.
Week one was brutal with withdrawal with the following weeks becoming much easier however the last week or so have been much more mentally challenging (ie: depression, despair, low energy...blah, blah). Friends and family have been very supportive as it was quite obvious that I was struggling.
Quitting drinking is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life and I am desperate not to go back to being that pathetic, controlled person who was missing out on her life and the true joy of being involved and present in the boys lives.
I have considered joining a local AA group but have been hesitant as it just doesn't feel like the right fit for me. I have been doing a ton of reading (books, sobriety blogs, etc.) and wonder if this is enough to be successful long term.
Any advice?
J9
I turned 50 last year and realized that I had not had a sober day (apart from my two pregnancies) in over 30 years. My vice is wine (white specifically) and had gradually crept up to two bottles a night during the week and non stop from morning to night on the weekends. I basically was unable to function without a full glass in my hand and every day was beginning to become the same mind-numbing drudgery to the point that I couldn't stand myself anymore and wanted to stop but just couldn't imagine a life without drinking.
A bit of background. I am the mother of two teenage boys, have a stressful/demanding job with a long commute and my partner travels approximately every second week for work...so wine has been my crutch to get through the long stressful and somewhat lonely weeks but I have let it get out of control.
Funny how life sometimes work though.. In January I had been to see my doctor who was concerned over some recent blood work results, high blood pressure, and recent weight gain. This ended in an honest "come to Jesus" chat that was very teary (on my part) with a definite plan in place.
Week one was brutal with withdrawal with the following weeks becoming much easier however the last week or so have been much more mentally challenging (ie: depression, despair, low energy...blah, blah). Friends and family have been very supportive as it was quite obvious that I was struggling.
Quitting drinking is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life and I am desperate not to go back to being that pathetic, controlled person who was missing out on her life and the true joy of being involved and present in the boys lives.
I have considered joining a local AA group but have been hesitant as it just doesn't feel like the right fit for me. I have been doing a ton of reading (books, sobriety blogs, etc.) and wonder if this is enough to be successful long term.
Any advice?
J9
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Hi J9...glad you found us. I have no advice except to keep looking forward. I too use SR as my soul support. Read books on addiction...people that have overcome addiction. I keep looking forward. I had sobriety. Made a couple of bad calls and started drinking again. With each lapse I came back with a vengeance. Drinking more and more than I ever had. The last one damn near killed me. I reset my date and am not looking back. Welcome!
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
50 days is awesome, welcome to SR, J9! I'm also 50-something and had similar experiences with weight gain, high blood pressure, and bad blood tests due to years of alcohol abuse. I'm making good progress on turning that ship around.
My advice would be to read SR every day, post here every day, and keep the blessings of sobriety first and foremost in your mind.
My advice would be to read SR every day, post here every day, and keep the blessings of sobriety first and foremost in your mind.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Hi J9!
Welcome to the posting side of SoberRecovery!
I would advise just giving AA a try. There is nothing like face-to-face support. Meetings can be very different--we have one local meeting that is agnostic, while another is totally prayer-based. Maybe give your local AA number a call?
Welcome to the posting side of SoberRecovery!
I would advise just giving AA a try. There is nothing like face-to-face support. Meetings can be very different--we have one local meeting that is agnostic, while another is totally prayer-based. Maybe give your local AA number a call?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 67
Thank you all for your warm welcome. I will be sure to post regularly and will take ColdFusion's recommendation to at least give AA a chance....I guess you don't know until you try, right?
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Welcome J9 and congrats on 50 days! That is awesome!
I find reading and posting regularly on SR really helps me keep my head in the game, not to mention how much I have learned about recovery, growing up and living life from the generous souls that frequent these boards.
I look forward to seeing you around
I find reading and posting regularly on SR really helps me keep my head in the game, not to mention how much I have learned about recovery, growing up and living life from the generous souls that frequent these boards.
I look forward to seeing you around
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Hey there J9 - we're so glad to have you here.
I can totally relate to most everything you said. I drank around 30 yrs. too. Even though it was causing me anxiety & was no longer fun - I still imagined life without it would be very dull. It had been a huge part of everything I did. It was so hard to admit there was no joy in it - and I was just on automatic pilot most of the time - in a fog. I was also doing irresponsible & dangerous things for the first time in my life. It had to end. After joining SR I found the courage to change my life - everyone here understood & didn't judge. You're among friends who care.
I can totally relate to most everything you said. I drank around 30 yrs. too. Even though it was causing me anxiety & was no longer fun - I still imagined life without it would be very dull. It had been a huge part of everything I did. It was so hard to admit there was no joy in it - and I was just on automatic pilot most of the time - in a fog. I was also doing irresponsible & dangerous things for the first time in my life. It had to end. After joining SR I found the courage to change my life - everyone here understood & didn't judge. You're among friends who care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
Hi J9NoWine,
I could have written much of your post. I was also formerly dependent on wine --I used wine to treat my anxiety for much of my life since I was a young adult---except for my pregnancies. Yes, I was drinking 1-2 bottles of wine pretty much every night too. I am around your age and have kids around the same age. I am on Sober Day # 38. I am grateful that I quit before my blood work became abnormal, however I had a lot of GI complaints while drinking (that has been completely gone ever since a couple of days after quitting), and also, my blood pressure had been starting to creep up over the years of drinking, but that is low now.
AA does not feel like the right fit for me either. Yes, I admit that I have no control over my drinking, and the only answer is to quit for good----I can never again " just have one glass"------but I refuse to go through the rest of my life with the self-identity of an alcoholic. I have been using Rational Recovery (the AVRT technique) -----it really spoke to me, and also, Allen Carr's book The Easy Way to Stop Drinking. If you haven't already, check those out, I highly recommend them.
This site has made all the difference in the world. It is wonderful to have company down this road, and the advice of those further down the road.
Stay strong. We can do this together!
I could have written much of your post. I was also formerly dependent on wine --I used wine to treat my anxiety for much of my life since I was a young adult---except for my pregnancies. Yes, I was drinking 1-2 bottles of wine pretty much every night too. I am around your age and have kids around the same age. I am on Sober Day # 38. I am grateful that I quit before my blood work became abnormal, however I had a lot of GI complaints while drinking (that has been completely gone ever since a couple of days after quitting), and also, my blood pressure had been starting to creep up over the years of drinking, but that is low now.
I have considered joining a local AA group but have been hesitant as it just doesn't feel like the right fit for me. I have been doing a ton of reading (books, sobriety blogs, etc.) and wonder if this is enough to be successful long term.
This site has made all the difference in the world. It is wonderful to have company down this road, and the advice of those further down the road.
Stay strong. We can do this together!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 67
Truly grateful to have found you all!!....Think this forum will be a lifesaver for me as I have basically been white knuckling it until now. Cannot seem to stop the constant chatter in my head...and staying on task to completion. When does your brain clear and focus again???
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 8
Welcome J9 and well done on 50 days!
I also feel I could have written parts of your original post. I'm a couple of weeks ahead of you, but have some similar dynamics in my life, and similar motivations for having stopped drinking. A few health issues starting to show themselves, hating the monotony/inevitability/regret of daily dependence and (most importantly) wanting to be a different person for my youngish sons. I have bad days and better ones, but am determined to stay with it. No AA for me either yet but I find SR is a great place to read and learn. I check in most days, and am very grateful to have found it.
Good luck!
I also feel I could have written parts of your original post. I'm a couple of weeks ahead of you, but have some similar dynamics in my life, and similar motivations for having stopped drinking. A few health issues starting to show themselves, hating the monotony/inevitability/regret of daily dependence and (most importantly) wanting to be a different person for my youngish sons. I have bad days and better ones, but am determined to stay with it. No AA for me either yet but I find SR is a great place to read and learn. I check in most days, and am very grateful to have found it.
Good luck!
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