16161616

First post here....
coming to terms with the fact that even though I have been sober for 3 years I have not actually dealt with my alcoholism. I went to a handful of A.A. meetings about 5 years ago,but stopped going because of the overwhelming amount of social anxiety and pain I was feeling at that time. I never read the book or went through any "steps". Throughout this time period I have relied on will-power to stay sober, but I have definitely avoided calling myself an alcoholic and found ways to "positively" distract myself from dealing with it and it's become exhausting. It's no surprise to me that my ability to use will power as a means of suppression is just another form of avoidance and counterproductive behavior. I started seeing a therapist 3 weeks ago because I felt that it was time for me to help myself out. Now I stand at a point where I wonder how does an alcoholic/addict go from acknowledging they have a problem(which I have done) to accepting what it means to be an alcoholic? Why is it so hard for me to admit that I am powerless against alcohol even though I know the bad outweighs the temporary relief? Any thoughts or insights are much appreciated

biminiblue

Well, if you've been to a few meetings you know that abstinence is really the only answer.

When I quit I didn't have any doubts - and I didn't really care how hard it was going to be - I was done. I think you have to get to that point, no matter how you get there. It is an all-or-nothing proposition.

Welcome to the site. AA is not the only way to sobriety, I hope you get some answers in therapy. This is a great site on which to spend time, too. I read a lot here, joined my Class of March 2014 thread and just made it work. Congratulations on three years! I would say you probably have a lot of wisdom to share with others here. Whether or not you want to identify as "alcoholic" is up to you. I don't talk about it outside this site.

Anna

Congratulations on 3 years of sobriety. When you say you have not dealt with your alcoholism, I wonder if you mean that you have not dealt with the underlying issues that caused your addiction. I am not an AA person, but I do believe there is more to recovery that stopping drinking, and for me, it has taken a lot of soul-searching and work to deal with that. I think that talking to a therapist is a good idea.

PhoenixJ

Alcoholic is a word. That is all. I went to a meeting recently where a successful REAL soccer mum- blonde, 2 kids- sober- thriving, pretty- distanced herself from the label and referred several times to 'those metho drinking alcie's'. At the end of the day - who cares? You are sober, have a high level awareness and are proactive. You have identified you want to fix stuff, do not get hung up on the word. Some hide it behind 'alcohol intolerant, allergy, disease, genetic, chemical imbalance, a crappy childhood' I have all of those and more. Who cares? I cannot drink. I have identified it and try to get on with life.
You are doing fine- given your narrative. Perhaps not satisfied with 'that empty space' in your gut? I get that. I try (with good success)to fill it with new, challenging- different stuff.
Keep posting. My support to you. PJ

Grymt

I don't know why. Perhaps it's different for different people but for me when I crave something I will ignore rational reasons for not having it. Maybe acknowledging a craving is a step towards knowing why. Why is usually a veil covering something. A self-imposed unknowing or ignorance. Self imposed by will.?

Algorithm

Are you trying to convince yourself that you can't drink, because you believe that if you could drink, that you would, by any chance?

If so, that can make you go back and forth for a long time, because that's quite a loophole. All your addiction has to do is to convince you that you might just be able to get away with drinking and not get into trouble.

One may accept, yet not forsake. I would simply close that giant loophole, and adopt a non-drinker identity, as in:

"I don't drink, even if I could."

You are obviously not powerless over the desire to drink alcohol, so the question is, are you going to drink again?

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Fly N Buy

Congratulations on three years of sobriety - that is a long time for an alcoholic not to drink. I am coming up on that milestone myself.

I am a member of AA so that is really the lens I view sobriety through.
The book tells me this on pg 64 = Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

In my case this was true as it is for some others. I have found reading the book and following the program of AA has given me tools to deal with causes and conditions. I don't stay in the problem, today I live in the solution as best I can.

Many find professional help beneficial as well> I don't have any first hand experience with that, but friends here and in the rooms have shared on it.

Here's a link to the books of Alcoholics Anonymous - Anonymous Press - Alcoholics Anonymous Books, Software, Phone Numbers, FAQ & AA Big Book® Index

Should you desire to read it. When I read The Doctors Opinion I could identify with it in several ways.

Pg 30 tells me this = Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

This was true in my case......I was unwilling for many, many years to admit I was a real alcoholic. I am grateful today to know that - it saved my life.