LexiStrength

Good morning all! Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I've made my decision and this time I'm sticking to it.

I come from a long line of alcoholics so it is no surprise to me that I have a problem. It took me too long to realize; I didn't want to admit it.

I never thought I was an alcoholic because I don't drink every day and I've never experienced withdrawl symptoms.

Herein lies the problem....When I do drink, I binge drink. BAD. And when I get incoherent and black out, I tend to make TERRIBLE CHOICES (like do cocaine, make a horse's ass out of myself in front of my husband, my family, my coworkers, my friends) and I am sick of the shame and embarrassment after a night of "partying."

Yesterday I hit my rock bottom. I stayed up all night Saturday drinking and doing drugs and then I drove incredibly drunk which is obviously terrible and I am grateful that I didn't hurt myself or worse somebody else. I went to a family party on Sunday after not sleeping and continuing to drink and was slurring my words embarrassing myself and everyone around me felt so uncomfortable.

The worst though was the fact that recently I made friends with a coworker (I AM HER BOSS BTW) and I went to her house in that state and admitted everything to her and continued to keep drinking. She came to the party with me and my hubby and I'm not even sure what happened.

How do I face her today at work? It's enough to make me want to curl in a ball and hide. But, I got up and came in and I'll be seeing her shortly and I'm going to face the embarrassment head on.

I've said it before so obviously my family is supportive of my decision, but apprehensive. I'll take it one day at a time and I guess we'll all believe it when we see it.

finaltime

you can face her. There is a reason you confided in her. Can you go to a meeting right after work today? That helped me greatly in the beginning is make a plan for a meeting a day for a while. Then I wasn't fighting this battle alone.

I am proud of you. You reached out.

LexiStrength

I just looked up the AA meetings near me for after work. I'm scared to go! But I'm going to try it and hope for the best

PhoenixJ

Good for you Lex. Support to you. Keep posting- you are never alone.

Bird615

Welcome Lexi; there's lots of support for you here!

LexiStrength

I'm glad I decided to post on here everyone is so supportive. Thank you all so much! We got this.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Lexi!! You can do this!!

Dee74

Welcome LexiStrength

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Delizadee

Hi and welcome Lexi! You're in a good place here. You will get tons of support and there are a lot of great resources on SR.
Starting out reaching for help, and taking action in regards to your drinking problem is a scary endeavour. But as you continue forward you will grow stronger and find more peace.
You can do this! Let the remorse of yesterday's actions stay behind you for now while you figure out what your next steps are going to be. We spent enough time in our addictions beating ourselves up and wallowing in our shame which kept us drinking. You know you are better than that and capable and deserve happiness.

LexiStrength

You're so right. Beautifully said. It is scary but it's also exciting at the same time. I'm looking ahead towards the future. Nowhere to go but up from here I hope lol

MsCooterBrown

Lex ...I really understand your post. I shudder to think of all the things I pulled either drunk ...or worse yet in a black out. And I really never experienced the black out stage like I did last month. I don't EVER want to go thru that again. And to climb my way back to sobriety I suffered withdrawals like I never had before. Looking forward and not looking back....living by example not words...that is what my credo is. Glad you found us!

LexiStrength

I know what you mean Ms. Brown, I shudder to think of it too. But, we made a big decision to get sober and there's no use dwelling on the past. It's hard not to think of it, but I am trying.