bronzie

I can't believe I drank again for the 2nd weekend in a row! I do know what triggered it, and that's going back to my boyfriends house again.....I do fine during the week at home and work. But I know he annoys me and yells at me loudly and all the time, just picking a fight, and does this in front my my little daughter, even yelling at me while she is sleeping!
Well he woke up this morning yelling and I decided enough was enough and I called my parents. I wast in the Condition to drive, so they came and got us and drove my car home. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed and sick! Why do I keep going back to someone who is so verbally an emotionally abusive? And amazing the wrong choice to drink just to get thru the weekend?
I am not in denial or blaming anyone else. My drinking is no ones fault but my own. At the same time, me and my daughter don't deserve to be treated that way ever!
Ok, so I got home safely, drank a large beer this afternoon. It's midnight here and now I can't sleep, I'm very anxious and a little shaky, and have upset stomach. Am I going thru withdrawal? Like I said I have only binge drank the past 2 weekends, I have been working on my sobriety, and having longer periods of not drinking (2-3 weeks) in which I feel great! But all I have to do is have the first drink and I just cannot stop and it turns into a 24-48 hour binge.
Can someone help advise me please on what to do now?
I don't think I need to go to the hospital, and I have to work tomorrow.
Also, I missed last Monday along work from being hungover....hence another reason alcohol is such a problem for me. It affects my job, my family, my health, etc.
I don't have anyone to talk to. I just would appreciate anyone to respond. Am I going to be okay? The anxiety is the worst right now! My mom said this happens every time I drink from putting the poison and toxins in my body, and that I am not dying. But this feels so awful. Sorry for the long rant.

Poppy79

You will be okay Hun, remove this douchebag from your life... that is my 2 cents worth Once he is out of the picture you can focus on you and your daughter and having a wonderful life where you are treated with respect.

Dee74

Hi Bronzie

You've obviously identified some problem areas for yourself - maybe staying away from those areas and situations is for the best?

I'm sure that with a good recovery plan, maybe joining the class of March thread, and a few sober weekends under your belt, you'll be fine

D

PhoenixJ

I agree with Dee- why go back to an abusive relationship? In nursing circles used to be called battered wife syndrome. Or co-dependency, whatever. Not healthy. Do you get any professional support for how you feel?

bronzie

I was seeing a counselor, but I have a hard time sharing the truth in person with anyone. I don't want to go back to that relationship. He's almost the only serious boyfriend I have had that does not hit me. He never has hit or physically hurt me. I do have PTSD from past abusive relationships, which my therapist did say is why I get so scared and freaked out by sudden loud noises and being yelled at. I will call her in the morning and make an appointment. Thank you for responding.

bronzie

Absolutely! I have to stay away. My sobriety is too important and I'm tired of screwing up so much. The emotional pain hurts but I'll be fine. I'm stronger when I'm sober,
I know that much. Thank you for responding Dee.

bronzie

Thank you, Poppy. I know what I need to do. And I know my sobriety comes first. The feelings I have right now and the emotional pain, all I can do is cry, but the weird thing is, crying is actually calming me down. I'm holding too much pain inside, and drinking is never going to solve it. The last 15 years has proved that. I'm done, I just want to be done. I appreciate you're reply.

Poppy79

Crying is very cathartic so let it all out
You are obviously a strong woman based on past trauma so try to remember that you will prevail and you will be happy, you just need to remove some toxins ie abusive bf and booze from your personal orbit.
Onwards and upwards!

Ina123

I’m sorry you’ve had a tough weekend, but it will get better. I think you’re right that you need to put your sobriety first and it seems you’ve identified the major trigger, so perhaps avoiding that is step one.
Try not to be too tough on yourself. Breathe. If crying helps, let it all out! (I know a good cry makes me feel better
Tomorrow could be the last day one of sobriety you have to go through. Look forward to that and the good times that are ahead for you and your daughter.
You’ve got this!

bronzie

You are exactly right. I can do this. Thank you!

bronzie

Thank you, Ina. I really appreciate your response.