My millionth 1st day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: boston
Posts: 1
My millionth 1st day
Hi Everyone,
I made it through today sober, but am so depressed, hopeless and alone. I'm 54 years old and have abused alcohol my entire adult life. I'm afraid that it's too late. Part of that is true. I mean at 54 it's not that likely that I'll find a partner, even. Sure, sure, I've heard of it happening, but the odds are not so great. What did I do - I wasted my life. Just wanted to post here, because I'm feeling so alone and, well, I don't know. I wish 12-step worked for me, but no disrespect but it definitely is not for me. I keep ruminating on the well-rehearsed stories in my mind about my age, about how alone I am, about how great I'll be sober but still so lonely. It's torture. Okay, goodnight and thanks for letting me ramble.
I made it through today sober, but am so depressed, hopeless and alone. I'm 54 years old and have abused alcohol my entire adult life. I'm afraid that it's too late. Part of that is true. I mean at 54 it's not that likely that I'll find a partner, even. Sure, sure, I've heard of it happening, but the odds are not so great. What did I do - I wasted my life. Just wanted to post here, because I'm feeling so alone and, well, I don't know. I wish 12-step worked for me, but no disrespect but it definitely is not for me. I keep ruminating on the well-rehearsed stories in my mind about my age, about how alone I am, about how great I'll be sober but still so lonely. It's torture. Okay, goodnight and thanks for letting me ramble.
Wifeofteoyearssober
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 24
Glad you posted.
There are a million reasons to be sober, and when you can't remember them all lean on others who know them until you remember them.
Sleep is also really important and can make anyone feel depressed.
You are not alone. You'll never be alone unless you choose to be, and time with yourself can be amazing if you give yourself a chance.
Don't give up!
There are a million reasons to be sober, and when you can't remember them all lean on others who know them until you remember them.
Sleep is also really important and can make anyone feel depressed.
You are not alone. You'll never be alone unless you choose to be, and time with yourself can be amazing if you give yourself a chance.
Don't give up!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
HI aja99! You for sure are not alone. Many of us find ourselves in this same boat! I can spend hours in Sober Recovery reading all the post...I post...it is a great support system. Enjoy your sober time!!
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
In June of 2014 I quit drinking and haven't drank since. One million day ones is a nice round number to make it your last time around.
I made a decision - took some action to support sobriety. Nothing special just tired of being full of self loathing and being in pain.
Willingness is the key
I made a decision - took some action to support sobriety. Nothing special just tired of being full of self loathing and being in pain.
Willingness is the key
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome.
You sound pretty down about the way things are going. But they are nothing that drinking is going t make better.
I'm fifty seven and don't have a mate. I don't worry about it, there's someone out there for all of us.
I feel you about the loneliness. I'm all alone. But, there are hundreds of things to do sober.
I had a million days ones myself. And when I was drinking, or laying in bed hungover, I knew loneliness and despair. Hopelessness and anxiety.
They were over me like a wet blanket.
Now, six years sober, I've come to enjoy being alone. If I want to be around people, I can go out.
Life is good. Not perfect, but good. And it's all because I'm sober.
I wish the same for you. Don't give up hope.
You sound pretty down about the way things are going. But they are nothing that drinking is going t make better.
I'm fifty seven and don't have a mate. I don't worry about it, there's someone out there for all of us.
I feel you about the loneliness. I'm all alone. But, there are hundreds of things to do sober.
I had a million days ones myself. And when I was drinking, or laying in bed hungover, I knew loneliness and despair. Hopelessness and anxiety.
They were over me like a wet blanket.
Now, six years sober, I've come to enjoy being alone. If I want to be around people, I can go out.
Life is good. Not perfect, but good. And it's all because I'm sober.
I wish the same for you. Don't give up hope.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm glad you're not giving up on pursuing sobriety.
I hope you can shift your perspective so you don't have to continue to feel depressed, hopeless, alone. What turned things around for me in the first days of recovery was volunteer work. I took a chance and put myself out there, thinking that 'maybe' I had something to offer. It turned out that I got so much more than I was ever able to give. I met fantastic people, I felt good about what I was doing and it gave a sense of purpose to my life.
I hope you can shift your perspective so you don't have to continue to feel depressed, hopeless, alone. What turned things around for me in the first days of recovery was volunteer work. I took a chance and put myself out there, thinking that 'maybe' I had something to offer. It turned out that I got so much more than I was ever able to give. I met fantastic people, I felt good about what I was doing and it gave a sense of purpose to my life.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi aja 
I quit at 40 - I learned pretty quick is that nothing is impossible and it's never too late to have the life you wanted
Focus on the not drinking for now...but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the changes in your life that come from that simple decision
D
I quit at 40 - I learned pretty quick is that nothing is impossible and it's never too late to have the life you wanted
Focus on the not drinking for now...but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at the changes in your life that come from that simple decision
D
Guest
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 80
Hi Aja, I'm 49 and also without a mate, and I totally relate to the millionth time sober comment. Me too - I've stopped and started again so many times I've lost count. Long ago I became a solitary drinker, particularly when my drinking rates and amounts got so crazy I didn't want to do it around anyone else. You and I are definitely not alone on these points, there are plenty of folks on here with similar stories. I'm at Day 7 (again), and what I need to remind myself, constantly, is that the more days of sobriety I have in my pocket, the more hopeful and optimistic I feel. It's like a whole mental shift, which makes, sense, since alcohol is a depressant. I once read a quote that has stuck with me - "loneliness is an invitation to respond to the world". I intend to use my new-found momentum to step out of myself and go help the many others who are also suffering and lonely. Hang in there and trust the many wise people on here who say it will get better....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by aja99 
Hi Everyone,
I made it through today sober, but am so depressed, hopeless and alone. I'm 54 years old and have abused alcohol my entire adult life. I'm afraid that it's too late. Part of that is true. I mean at 54 it's not that likely that I'll find a partner, even. Sure, sure, I've heard of it happening, but the odds are not so great. What did I do - I wasted my life. Just wanted to post here, because I'm feeling so alone and, well, I don't know. I wish 12-step worked for me, but no disrespect but it definitely is not for me. I keep ruminating on the well-rehearsed stories in my mind about my age, about how alone I am, about how great I'll be sober but still so lonely. It's torture. Okay, goodnight and thanks for letting me ramble.
I made it through today sober, but am so depressed, hopeless and alone. I'm 54 years old and have abused alcohol my entire adult life. I'm afraid that it's too late. Part of that is true. I mean at 54 it's not that likely that I'll find a partner, even. Sure, sure, I've heard of it happening, but the odds are not so great. What did I do - I wasted my life. Just wanted to post here, because I'm feeling so alone and, well, I don't know. I wish 12-step worked for me, but no disrespect but it definitely is not for me. I keep ruminating on the well-rehearsed stories in my mind about my age, about how alone I am, about how great I'll be sober but still so lonely. It's torture. Okay, goodnight and thanks for letting me ramble.
54 isn't old.
at 54 you haven't "wasted your life".
There is a lot more living.
And also - there is TODAY.
Every single day IS our life..... right here, right now.
Every single sober day is a rich opportunity to live it, to deepen it, to find gratitude and joy in it.
Yes, I know how it feels when you're still stuck in the haze of reflecting on regrets and shame and what-if's and cynicism and defeatist beliefs.... but you do get to choose. Every. Day. Will I continue to play that story out - or will I, bit by bit, tell a new one?
It's good that you shared...... it's good that you're here.... you can do this. Your life is worthy and blessed and good..... you will see that.
Try playing a game with me.... it's called One Good Thing.
What is One Good Thing that you will honor, celebrate and remain grateful for today. Large or small. Just One Good Thing?
Because One Good Thing Leads To Another.
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