Day 19 - The days have gotten better as the week progressed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Day 19 - The days have gotten better as the week progressed
Hey everyone,
Man this week really started out tough. Dealing with 3 different people who i feel are toxic in my life. I just read the story on the front page about the girl who had to let her father go because she continually got hurt, stressed out or emotionally abused. I can relate!
I've decided to keep my distance from a homeless friend who to me doesn't really have any interest in getting himself off the streets. I've bought this guy lunch, loaned him money and driven him all over town. I know i shouldn't have any expectations but i'm realizing he just takes and doesn't give. The last straw was him texting me that he needed caffeine so we went to the quick mart and i bought a soda and when i was about to pay for mine he plopped his down next to mine expecting me to pay. I'm done for awhile..maybe for good.
I've also decided to keep my distance from an old sponsor who has been depressed for over a year now. I've done a ton for this man and have given many ideas about how to work on depression but i can see now he is not interested in helping himself. I can only do so much. Finally a few weeks ago after a relapse i told him that i needed space and he should work on himself and i need to work on myself. A week went by and guess who called this past Monday asking me to call him. I was enraged by his selfishness said the serenity prayer. Called him but got a busy signal and then didn't call back. I don't plan on calling him back until he can make some progress. In a nutshell he was affecting my sobriety.
Finally there is mother who i speak to very rarely. We go years without speaking. I feel bad but i feel like it's a similar situation as the story i mentioned above. She is a sick person who to me is not getting help. She's abusive and disrespectful. At this point being new in sobriety i feel like i need to keep my distance from her.
I suppose in the end YOU are the only one that truly knows if a relationship is toxic and that you may have to take a break or even end the relationship for good.
On a positive note i started the week without a job and yesterday i received a job offer from my old company. I'm excited to start on monday. Happy Friday everyone!
Garrison
Man this week really started out tough. Dealing with 3 different people who i feel are toxic in my life. I just read the story on the front page about the girl who had to let her father go because she continually got hurt, stressed out or emotionally abused. I can relate!
I've decided to keep my distance from a homeless friend who to me doesn't really have any interest in getting himself off the streets. I've bought this guy lunch, loaned him money and driven him all over town. I know i shouldn't have any expectations but i'm realizing he just takes and doesn't give. The last straw was him texting me that he needed caffeine so we went to the quick mart and i bought a soda and when i was about to pay for mine he plopped his down next to mine expecting me to pay. I'm done for awhile..maybe for good.
I've also decided to keep my distance from an old sponsor who has been depressed for over a year now. I've done a ton for this man and have given many ideas about how to work on depression but i can see now he is not interested in helping himself. I can only do so much. Finally a few weeks ago after a relapse i told him that i needed space and he should work on himself and i need to work on myself. A week went by and guess who called this past Monday asking me to call him. I was enraged by his selfishness said the serenity prayer. Called him but got a busy signal and then didn't call back. I don't plan on calling him back until he can make some progress. In a nutshell he was affecting my sobriety.
Finally there is mother who i speak to very rarely. We go years without speaking. I feel bad but i feel like it's a similar situation as the story i mentioned above. She is a sick person who to me is not getting help. She's abusive and disrespectful. At this point being new in sobriety i feel like i need to keep my distance from her.
I suppose in the end YOU are the only one that truly knows if a relationship is toxic and that you may have to take a break or even end the relationship for good.
On a positive note i started the week without a job and yesterday i received a job offer from my old company. I'm excited to start on monday. Happy Friday everyone!
Garrison
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I think you are right about knowing when relationships are toxic and acting in your own best interest. Like you, in my early recovery I had to remove a couple of people from my life. Also, I decided I have only very minimal contact with my toxic mother - about one phone call a month, no personal information shared. Do not feel bad about making this decisions. In fact, you might be surprised what happens. Out of the blue, two women appeared in my life who both became close friends and mentors.
Congratulations on the job offer!
Congratulations on the job offer!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Thanks everyone! I'm getting more and more tools in my toolbox. I've been memorizing the 3rd step prayer like my life depended on it. My sponsor has really been helping me. Had a pretty good Friday!
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
I understand toxic people well. Nothing gets my goat more. My family is full of them (as this board is probably well aware by now).
It's unfortunate when your own flesh-and-blood is so toxic, but my sobriety depends on it.
It's unfortunate when your own flesh-and-blood is so toxic, but my sobriety depends on it.
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