Shut the h*** up!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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Felt a few little flutters of panic in the stomach when I got up this morning.
A few little flutters of panic mean nothing to me after this past week.
I think it's because I have to go for the COPD test today, I can't remember what time, I think it's 9am, but the doctors office doesn't open until 8.30am and will be too late to check then, as if it is 9am I wouldn't make it down there in time, so I will just go down in person and ask.
I haven't been to the chemist to get the tube they told me to take either, so have to call in there first. This is down to being half out of it when I am arranging appointments and things and not writing stuff down.
I also have an appointment with the unemployment people at 4, and am dreading what they are going to say about me refusing to consider the cold calling "opportunity"
On the plus side, I have found £40 I didn't know I had in a coat pocket.
A few little flutters of panic mean nothing to me after this past week.
I think it's because I have to go for the COPD test today, I can't remember what time, I think it's 9am, but the doctors office doesn't open until 8.30am and will be too late to check then, as if it is 9am I wouldn't make it down there in time, so I will just go down in person and ask.
I haven't been to the chemist to get the tube they told me to take either, so have to call in there first. This is down to being half out of it when I am arranging appointments and things and not writing stuff down.
I also have an appointment with the unemployment people at 4, and am dreading what they are going to say about me refusing to consider the cold calling "opportunity"
On the plus side, I have found £40 I didn't know I had in a coat pocket.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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I'm sending good thoughts for you, Willa.
You remind me of myself.
Life is SO much better sober. It's easier. The disorganization, confusion...all the "little" messes that have turned into seemingly impossible situations don't happen nearly as often. But when they do you can deal with them.
And you won't have nearly as many burnt dishes. Or vomit in your hair. Or the little reminder notes all over the place. You will have other wonderful days with your family like you did at the hydro park.
Give yourself a break from the craziness.
Getting, and staying, sober is difficult but I'm still amazed at how much EASIER life is.
I quit when I was in my early 50's. You can do this. I sense that you are truly ready
to step off the hamster wheel and begin to ENJOY life.
One day at a time.
You remind me of myself.
Life is SO much better sober. It's easier. The disorganization, confusion...all the "little" messes that have turned into seemingly impossible situations don't happen nearly as often. But when they do you can deal with them.
And you won't have nearly as many burnt dishes. Or vomit in your hair. Or the little reminder notes all over the place. You will have other wonderful days with your family like you did at the hydro park.
Give yourself a break from the craziness.
Getting, and staying, sober is difficult but I'm still amazed at how much EASIER life is.
I quit when I was in my early 50's. You can do this. I sense that you are truly ready
to step off the hamster wheel and begin to ENJOY life.
One day at a time.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
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As you build more sober time, you will be more and more confident in your ability to handle whatever comes. That resiliency is already there inside you...it's just been beaten down by the effects of heavy drinking.
Try to trust the process and yourself, yes?
Wishing you well today!
Try to trust the process and yourself, yes?
Wishing you well today!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 109
Hi Dee, thank you, but I didn't have the test today, I was 49 hours early! I came home to wait, because the dctors waiting room chairs are really uncomfortable haha..I felt a right chump.
Hi Aries, Thank you too, I hope the resiliency is there. I will trust the process. I was thinking this morning, when you are drinking you are on a path, just plodding on, one foot in front of the other, but it's a downward path, taking you lower and lower the more you plod on.
I have done a 180 degree turn around now, so surely if I just keep on plodding one foot in front of the other, it will take me somewhere! Hope you have a nice day.
Hi Aries, Thank you too, I hope the resiliency is there. I will trust the process. I was thinking this morning, when you are drinking you are on a path, just plodding on, one foot in front of the other, but it's a downward path, taking you lower and lower the more you plod on.
I have done a 180 degree turn around now, so surely if I just keep on plodding one foot in front of the other, it will take me somewhere! Hope you have a nice day.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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Originally Posted by Zevin 
I'm sending good thoughts for you, Willa.
You remind me of myself.
Life is SO much better sober. It's easier. The disorganization, confusion...all the "little" messes that have turned into seemingly impossible situations don't happen nearly as often. But when they do you can deal with them.
And you won't have nearly as many burnt dishes. Or vomit in your hair. Or the little reminder notes all over the place. You will have other wonderful days with your family like you did at the hydro park.
Give yourself a break from the craziness.
Getting, and staying, sober is difficult but I'm still amazed at how much EASIER life is.
I quit when I was in my early 50's. You can do this. I sense that you are truly ready
to step off the hamster wheel and begin to ENJOY life.
One day at a time.
You remind me of myself.
Life is SO much better sober. It's easier. The disorganization, confusion...all the "little" messes that have turned into seemingly impossible situations don't happen nearly as often. But when they do you can deal with them.
And you won't have nearly as many burnt dishes. Or vomit in your hair. Or the little reminder notes all over the place. You will have other wonderful days with your family like you did at the hydro park.
Give yourself a break from the craziness.
Getting, and staying, sober is difficult but I'm still amazed at how much EASIER life is.
I quit when I was in my early 50's. You can do this. I sense that you are truly ready
to step off the hamster wheel and begin to ENJOY life.
One day at a time.
I am more than ready to get off the wheel of torture!
Oh no, I forgot I wrote about the vomit in my hair, and the rest is coming back to me too, those posts are a bit of a blur, I'm too cowardly to go back and read them, I've always been a bit of a TMI kind of person haha
How long have you been stopped? Don't answer if that is a prying question!
Wishing you well Zevin
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Rupert ID
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Welcome, will! Just turned 54 here and your OP could have been written by me, word-for-word. I only have 8 months sober this time so I can't give much advice. I don't have "long term" all figured out yet but I do know that I feel much, much, much, (You get the idea.), better now then I did when I was going through withdrawal last time. This time I have done a couple of things differently. I accepted that I can't do this alone or just with AA that I stopped attending regularly as I've become more reclusive. So I made a plan; get and see a therapist (He treats depression & is an addiction recovery specialist.). Started taking antidepressants through my VA care. Found and started using this wonderful board, which has been a great resource. Take it day by day, starting with prayer and devotion for just 24 more hours of sobriety, and talking to myself, telling myself that I will not worry about tomorrow but I can and will choose not to drink today. I always do a mental inventory when I lay down to sleep and I always, always, remember how drinking doesn't work, how I would feel if I were on a bender; sick, scared, despondent, tired, tired, tired, passing out instead of sleeping, not sleeping for days, etc. Yuk.
No matter what I don't have figured out, being sober today is one hell of allot better than the alternative. Best wishes to you!
No matter what I don't have figured out, being sober today is one hell of allot better than the alternative. Best wishes to you!
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Hi gregknight, I say 8 months is nothing to be sneezed at, it's fantastic.
I'm so glad that so many people have said that they stopped drinking in their 50s, it's always nice to know you are not alone.
You sound like you have put a lot of effort and thought into your plan greg, and it's obviously working for you.
I have always shied away from anti-depressants in the past, but I seem to have had no problems drinking large amounts of a potent depressant!
I have decieded to commit to the Rational Recovery AVRT method. My RR book just came today, so I will be working my way through it.
I know to have peace of mind and not drink, I myself may have to work on other parts of my life too. I don't know what yet, as I don't know what are drink induced problems and what are not.
I think, if I need antidepressants in the future, I'll use them. If I need anything for my anxiety, I will try anything and not just sit with it.
But what you say is so so true, drinking DOESN'T work and all those horrible side effects just make life a nightmare.
One of my biggest follies and sources of anxiety when not drinking is trying to second guess fate, and be in control of everything. But the only thing I can control to ensure life is the best it can be is, like you say, choose not to drink.
Thank you so much for posting gregg, best wishes to you also!
I'm so glad that so many people have said that they stopped drinking in their 50s, it's always nice to know you are not alone.
You sound like you have put a lot of effort and thought into your plan greg, and it's obviously working for you.
I have always shied away from anti-depressants in the past, but I seem to have had no problems drinking large amounts of a potent depressant!
I have decieded to commit to the Rational Recovery AVRT method. My RR book just came today, so I will be working my way through it.
I know to have peace of mind and not drink, I myself may have to work on other parts of my life too. I don't know what yet, as I don't know what are drink induced problems and what are not.
I think, if I need antidepressants in the future, I'll use them. If I need anything for my anxiety, I will try anything and not just sit with it.
But what you say is so so true, drinking DOESN'T work and all those horrible side effects just make life a nightmare.
One of my biggest follies and sources of anxiety when not drinking is trying to second guess fate, and be in control of everything. But the only thing I can control to ensure life is the best it can be is, like you say, choose not to drink.
Thank you so much for posting gregg, best wishes to you also!
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I was going to write out a full commentary on my day, tonight. But this morning, I thought, to make sure I am really tired enough to sleep tonight, I will walk everywhere today, instead of getting the bus. I must have walked 100 miles (well at least 6). Good news, it worked, I'm really tired (although my walk did resemble John Wayne looking for his horse I was so stiff from the hydro slide yesterday) Bad news is I am too tired to write it out. Off to bed, I can hardly keep my eyes open!
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And 3 hours sleep later and I'm wide awake again.
I don't really mind, there are worse things than not sleeping, this time last week, I was entering my first night of withdrawals, sitting frozen in terror on a chair in the living room, scared to close my eyes cos of the horrible images, hearing spooky music and bizarrely enough watching red crayon scribble appear on the walls and ceiling.
I'll just potter on here for a bit, then watch a bit of telly if I still can't sleep.
I have lots of terrible afternoon films from the TV recorded that will send me to sleep if I am desperate (I never think they are going to be terrible when I record them, but they always are!)
I don't really mind, there are worse things than not sleeping, this time last week, I was entering my first night of withdrawals, sitting frozen in terror on a chair in the living room, scared to close my eyes cos of the horrible images, hearing spooky music and bizarrely enough watching red crayon scribble appear on the walls and ceiling.
I'll just potter on here for a bit, then watch a bit of telly if I still can't sleep.
I have lots of terrible afternoon films from the TV recorded that will send me to sleep if I am desperate (I never think they are going to be terrible when I record them, but they always are!)
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Right, read a fair bit of the RR book today, and read some interesting stuff on the avrt threads in secular connections. I think I have the gist of it. So I am making my Big Plan.
I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.
There Big Plan made.
If any problems come up, I will find a way to deal with them other than drink, Drink does not work for problems.
Drink does not work for anxiety (well yes, it causes it pretty well, but doesn't remove it!)
Drink does not work for lonliness (well yes, it causes it pretty well, but doesn't remove it!)
Drink does not work for dissatisfaction with life (well yes, it causes it pretty well, but doesn't remove it!)
Drink does not solve bad situations
Drink does not work for grief
Drink is not fun for ME anymore
Drink does not bring relaxation
Drink works for nothing except to satisfy the Beasts appetite, and even then, IT is never satisfied, a bottomless pit of want.
I am done with drink. IT may not be, but too bad for IT
I will never drink again and I will never change my mind.
There Big Plan made.
If any problems come up, I will find a way to deal with them other than drink, Drink does not work for problems.
Drink does not work for anxiety (well yes, it causes it pretty well, but doesn't remove it!)
Drink does not work for lonliness (well yes, it causes it pretty well, but doesn't remove it!)
Drink does not work for dissatisfaction with life (well yes, it causes it pretty well, but doesn't remove it!)
Drink does not solve bad situations
Drink does not work for grief
Drink is not fun for ME anymore
Drink does not bring relaxation
Drink works for nothing except to satisfy the Beasts appetite, and even then, IT is never satisfied, a bottomless pit of want.
I am done with drink. IT may not be, but too bad for IT
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Feeling a bit tired, never did get back to sleep last night so been awake since 12am and its now 2pm.
Moving at a snails pace (Im usually Speedy Gonzaliz with the housework) I have done the living room and bedroom from top to bottom. Even went on the hands and knees and scrubbed the floors, everything lemon fresh.
The kitchen daunts me, if I could throw out the cooker like I did my pans I would, who knows what is stuck to the top of it, but whatever it is it looks like it isn't going to give up without a fight.
I must admit with that £40 I found yesterday, I bought some cigs, not buying any more though.
Also bought food I have been craving, some prawns, some pistachio nuts, a big thick sirloin steak and lots of fresh veg. I think your body tells you what you need if you listen (apart from the one malfunction in mine, which seems to think I need booze...that voice is quiet still though, for now, even if it wasn't, it has zero chance).
I love the orderliness of my two clean tidy rooms, I really cannot live in mess.
I may have a lie down, but I don't want to crumple the bed covers haha
Moving at a snails pace (Im usually Speedy Gonzaliz with the housework) I have done the living room and bedroom from top to bottom. Even went on the hands and knees and scrubbed the floors, everything lemon fresh.
The kitchen daunts me, if I could throw out the cooker like I did my pans I would, who knows what is stuck to the top of it, but whatever it is it looks like it isn't going to give up without a fight.
I must admit with that £40 I found yesterday, I bought some cigs, not buying any more though.
Also bought food I have been craving, some prawns, some pistachio nuts, a big thick sirloin steak and lots of fresh veg. I think your body tells you what you need if you listen (apart from the one malfunction in mine, which seems to think I need booze...that voice is quiet still though, for now, even if it wasn't, it has zero chance).
I love the orderliness of my two clean tidy rooms, I really cannot live in mess.
I may have a lie down, but I don't want to crumple the bed covers haha
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Just had a little attack of self pity, so thought I would type it out, so I can laugh at it later, as it is a bit pathetic. Was just going to make my dinner, watch a bit telly, then go to bed. Then I had a flash thought, as I am gearing myself up to cook, that I have been here in this house (apart from one day) struggling on, trying to clear up the mess and trying to look after myself, when I don't feel fit in any way, for 9 days and that it would be nice, if I just had someone to make me one meal, this meal, because I can't be bothered to do it!
What makes me laugh, is, this is my mess, that I made, who do I expect to clear it up?
Who's fault is it that I am tired through lack of sleep?
Who's fault is it that I isolated myself so I could drink, basically when I look at it, for months with hardly a break, apart from the odd few days here and there.
Who's fault is it I lost my job, through one bender too many?
Who's fault is it I had to move from my nice home, to here where I hate because I lost that job?
And who exactly do I expect to pick up the pieces?
I can't afford self-pity, I know it's because I'm tired. But thoughts like those will only lead down one path.
Tomorrow, I will put energy into how to get away from here and this situation, not sit and wallow.
That is the goal tomorrow!
What makes me laugh, is, this is my mess, that I made, who do I expect to clear it up?
Who's fault is it that I am tired through lack of sleep?
Who's fault is it that I isolated myself so I could drink, basically when I look at it, for months with hardly a break, apart from the odd few days here and there.
Who's fault is it I lost my job, through one bender too many?
Who's fault is it I had to move from my nice home, to here where I hate because I lost that job?
And who exactly do I expect to pick up the pieces?
I can't afford self-pity, I know it's because I'm tired. But thoughts like those will only lead down one path.
Tomorrow, I will put energy into how to get away from here and this situation, not sit and wallow.
That is the goal tomorrow!
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Good going!
Also remember the AV likes to come at us when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired...HALT. You didn't sleep well last night and you're still healing. Voila.
Giving yourself a clean, calming environment is a big step forward. As my husband can attest, when the clutter level here reaches critical mass...Mama ain't happy. And when Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
You're doing so well!
Also remember the AV likes to come at us when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired...HALT. You didn't sleep well last night and you're still healing. Voila.
Giving yourself a clean, calming environment is a big step forward. As my husband can attest, when the clutter level here reaches critical mass...Mama ain't happy. And when Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
You're doing so well!
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Aries, I can hear your husband reaching for the coaster for his cup as I type haha
In the past (before all this drinking malarky started) if my bedroom was untidy when I went to sleep, I would have bad dreams!
It makes a big difference that I can sit somewhere tidy and clean.
I can actually get a bit OCD'ish with the tidiness. And Christmas trees are a nightmare for me, are there two lights the same colour near each other? Is there a small bauble on a big branch or vice versa? Is the tinsel straight? My family call it my CTCD (Christmas tree complusive disorder)
Joking aside, this is one of the things I will have to curb back. Obsessing about small things. I honestly cannot relax in a room if the rug is not straight, if a chair is not at the right angle, if the curtains are not drawn back evenly, if the cushions are not straight ect
I do agree with HALT I think any of those things can make the cravings stronger. I just didn't have any cravings yesterday, but am learning, that certain thoughts, can be a precurser to going down the drinking thinking path, without the physical craving being there, the AV talk.
After all the reading I have done the past few days, I just knew those self-pitying thoughts would end in the solution being a drink, because thats the only solution the AV has!
Thank you for your encouragement Aries, hope your day is good
In the past (before all this drinking malarky started) if my bedroom was untidy when I went to sleep, I would have bad dreams!
It makes a big difference that I can sit somewhere tidy and clean.
I can actually get a bit OCD'ish with the tidiness. And Christmas trees are a nightmare for me, are there two lights the same colour near each other? Is there a small bauble on a big branch or vice versa? Is the tinsel straight? My family call it my CTCD (Christmas tree complusive disorder)
Joking aside, this is one of the things I will have to curb back. Obsessing about small things. I honestly cannot relax in a room if the rug is not straight, if a chair is not at the right angle, if the curtains are not drawn back evenly, if the cushions are not straight ect
I do agree with HALT I think any of those things can make the cravings stronger. I just didn't have any cravings yesterday, but am learning, that certain thoughts, can be a precurser to going down the drinking thinking path, without the physical craving being there, the AV talk.
After all the reading I have done the past few days, I just knew those self-pitying thoughts would end in the solution being a drink, because thats the only solution the AV has!
Thank you for your encouragement Aries, hope your day is good
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Really do have my COPD test today, had terrible trouble getting the inhailer spacer from the chemist,that I have to take, apparently a manufacturing glitch. They gave me a childs one to take, said it wouldn't matter. I feel anxious having to present it to the nurse when I get there, like when you don't have the right PE kit in school.
I don't know if this anxiety I feel when I have to do anything I don't want to, stems from all the drinking I did, or if Im just a natural anxious annie. Either way, this has to stop, I don't plan on being a quivering wreck for the rest of my life.
Where did I put those big girl panties?
I don't know if this anxiety I feel when I have to do anything I don't want to, stems from all the drinking I did, or if Im just a natural anxious annie. Either way, this has to stop, I don't plan on being a quivering wreck for the rest of my life.
Where did I put those big girl panties?
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Back much sooner than expected from the doctors.
What I was told would happen; Have to blow into a machine, 3 long breaths then 3 short hard ones. Then take 2 sucks on an inhaler, wait 20 minutes do the test again, then wait 10 days for the results.
What happened; Took the first lot of breaths.
Went to suck on the inhaler. The machine in the corner that I had blown into started bleeping, which meant, there was nothing wrong with my lungs, and didn't have to carry on with the test!! I think the nurse was surprised, because she was already showing me how to use the inhaler "at home"
Phew, now I MUST stop smoking, before I do give myself something nasty!
What I was told would happen; Have to blow into a machine, 3 long breaths then 3 short hard ones. Then take 2 sucks on an inhaler, wait 20 minutes do the test again, then wait 10 days for the results.
What happened; Took the first lot of breaths.
Went to suck on the inhaler. The machine in the corner that I had blown into started bleeping, which meant, there was nothing wrong with my lungs, and didn't have to carry on with the test!! I think the nurse was surprised, because she was already showing me how to use the inhaler "at home"
Phew, now I MUST stop smoking, before I do give myself something nasty!
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Great news, Willadoit! I've had asthma all my life. It went from bad to worse....stronger and stronger inhaler medications required over the years. Since I quit drinking six months ago, guess what - my lungs are improving and I take far less of the medication. I've since read that alcohol impacts upon lungs, COPD and 'alcoholic lung' are possible. It would be beneficial if you stopped smoking, as well as drinking. Keep up the great progress!
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