Shut the h*** up!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Philadelphia, PA
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Willadoit, I'm glad to read you are out of your rut. Yay!
It's good that you're questioning your alcoholic voice! Things DO get better. It takes time and patience. Being alcoholic, we're used to reaching for instant gratification. Sobriety doesn't work that way. That's why we take it one day at a time:-)
It's good that you're questioning your alcoholic voice! Things DO get better. It takes time and patience. Being alcoholic, we're used to reaching for instant gratification. Sobriety doesn't work that way. That's why we take it one day at a time:-)
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I'm glad you've gotten through the worst of the withdrawals. You are experiencing the fact that your AV wants to win. It is relentless and it's getting the message that you are starting to rise above it and it's not going to just let that happen. But, you can learn to hear the voice and let it go. You will be able to do this.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 109
Thank you Anna, I'm really starting to think I can do this! I know I won't be able to keep stopped through fear, Ive been through withdrawals before, fear is soon forgotton (at least by me it is!). I am going to have a good hard look at AVRT and actually COMMIT to it. I feel much more hopeful than I did earlier- after being on here...Oh no..I think I'm going to cry...again!
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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Originally Posted by Carpathia 
Willadoit, I'm glad to read you are out of your rut. Yay!
It's good that you're questioning your alcoholic voice! Things DO get better. It takes time and patience. Being alcoholic, we're used to reaching for instant gratification. Sobriety doesn't work that way. That's why we take it one day at a time:-)
It's good that you're questioning your alcoholic voice! Things DO get better. It takes time and patience. Being alcoholic, we're used to reaching for instant gratification. Sobriety doesn't work that way. That's why we take it one day at a time:-)
It's very encouraging everyone saying things do get better.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Willadoit
Yes I do M-Bob, I really do need to make a stand and stop just being blown about by the wind.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 109
It's just relaxing to be able to sit in a chair, without the shakes (I still have the sweats, but had those for years thanks menopause..sorry tmi) To not have anxiety and paranoia so bad I am afraid of my own shadow, and to close my eyes and not see deformed faces without eyes flashing in front of me. Plus that horrible jazz music has stopped (not that it was actually there in the first place).
I am so grateful to have come out the other side of this, worst withdrawals I have ever had (then again never drank so much before, I am amazed that that didn't kill me). Two 75cl bottles of vodka a day. I am determined not to waste this chance I feel I have been given.
I am so grateful to have come out the other side of this, worst withdrawals I have ever had (then again never drank so much before, I am amazed that that didn't kill me). Two 75cl bottles of vodka a day. I am determined not to waste this chance I feel I have been given.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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M-Bob, thats what I want to be able to do. I want to know I can rely on myself to stick to what I say and stick to my true self. I want some solid ground to stand on, and I haven't had that with myself, and neither has anyone else.
More than anything, I want to be someone other people can rely on, and I just haven't been, but it's one of my ambitions now.
More than anything, I want to be someone other people can rely on, and I just haven't been, but it's one of my ambitions now.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Hello Willadoit - YES you WILL!
I'm glad you're safely through the withdrawals. It's time to take stock. It absolutely isn't too late or hopeless, you can stop drinking and thereby improve your physical and psychological life and if afterwards, there's anything to be addressed, you'll be in a stable position to do so. I drank for 20 years and when I joined SR, it was a last chance saloon, AA, etc., I'd tried them all. Miraculously, I read Secular Connections and self-empowerment (rather than having sobriety conditional upon performing X, y and z and attending group meetings - not to say that doesn't work for many) really resonated with me.
I started a thread in Secular Connections, asking an AVRT question, and quite simply, since then my life has been transformed. Once the Beast was locked up for good and ITs AV instantly ignored (IT wants a drink - not ME); I moved onto other self-defeating thoughts that didn't suggest drink (the inner critic beating me up for being a failure etc) and the self-awareness and action that follows this technique, is just awesome. I now have freedom from those horrendous thoughts/thinking on that automatic loop. Therefore I can choose to do what I want to and not be dictated to by my lower brain (with its automatic responses and habit circuits) because I am human, with a linked higher brain: and so are you!
I'm glad you're safely through the withdrawals. It's time to take stock. It absolutely isn't too late or hopeless, you can stop drinking and thereby improve your physical and psychological life and if afterwards, there's anything to be addressed, you'll be in a stable position to do so. I drank for 20 years and when I joined SR, it was a last chance saloon, AA, etc., I'd tried them all. Miraculously, I read Secular Connections and self-empowerment (rather than having sobriety conditional upon performing X, y and z and attending group meetings - not to say that doesn't work for many) really resonated with me.
I started a thread in Secular Connections, asking an AVRT question, and quite simply, since then my life has been transformed. Once the Beast was locked up for good and ITs AV instantly ignored (IT wants a drink - not ME); I moved onto other self-defeating thoughts that didn't suggest drink (the inner critic beating me up for being a failure etc) and the self-awareness and action that follows this technique, is just awesome. I now have freedom from those horrendous thoughts/thinking on that automatic loop. Therefore I can choose to do what I want to and not be dictated to by my lower brain (with its automatic responses and habit circuits) because I am human, with a linked higher brain: and so are you!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Willadoit
I am on day 4, just coming out of the worst of withdrawals. Had all the usual that I have coming off a week long bender. The first few days, anxiety so bad I want to pop out of my body and run away, dark thoughts of impending death (funny how the oblivion of death scares me, but drinking myself into it doesn't!). Flashing fast moving grotesque images in the dark or when I shut my eyes, hearing non existent music, all the usual horrors I have in withdrawals. They are over now, them and the sweating, shaking, pounding heart, vomiting, including bottom vomit.
I am determined to stop for good this time.
Then this little voice comes to me "why are you bothering? The damage is probably done after 20 years of this repeated lunacy"
I really need to give up smoking too, but that same little voice says "you are not going to undo 30 years of smoking by giving up now, even in 10 years the chances of lung cancer is still above twice as non smokers, it's probably there, lurking already.
It also says "you are in your 50s now, you have wasted most of your life on bad habits and addiction, you are done for anyway"
And it won't go away.
I am determined to stop for good this time.
Then this little voice comes to me "why are you bothering? The damage is probably done after 20 years of this repeated lunacy"
I really need to give up smoking too, but that same little voice says "you are not going to undo 30 years of smoking by giving up now, even in 10 years the chances of lung cancer is still above twice as non smokers, it's probably there, lurking already.
It also says "you are in your 50s now, you have wasted most of your life on bad habits and addiction, you are done for anyway"
And it won't go away.
You are in your 50's now. That means you can embrace the opportunity to make the next several years or decades of your life the best years of your life.
You have this awesome opportunity to shift the focus of your life and really deeply cherish it now......
Because of the darkness you've lived, you now have a perspective from which to see clearly the light that there is....
Ahhhh.... but you are so fortunate!!! YOU ARE BLESSED!!!! SOBRIETY IS A GOLDEN GIFT!!!
Right on... keep at it... you're going to love this.
~A Different Voice~
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Willadoit
More than anything, I want to be someone other people can rely on, and I just haven't been, but it's one of my ambitions now.
I also went through some horrendous withdrawals for many weeks.
As things get better we wish not to forget our past
for it helps us to remember how very grateful that we are for sobriety.
Many here on site wish to be of help and encouragement for you.
Glad that you have joined us.
M-Bob
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 109
M-Bob I am more than willing. I cannot thank the people who have posted to me enough. I was still in the depths when I came on here, yous have pulled me right out of myself and I am very grateful for it.
I don't know how you coped with withdrawals for weeks...those few days were enough for me. But I must admit, those last couple of days of drinking were nearly as bad, I was drinking loads, but just wasn't getting drunk, it was just like drowning in myself. Then after I stopped, I was trapped in myself and the horror.
I am so grateful to have rejoined the real world.
And glad I have joined yous too
I don't know how you coped with withdrawals for weeks...those few days were enough for me. But I must admit, those last couple of days of drinking were nearly as bad, I was drinking loads, but just wasn't getting drunk, it was just like drowning in myself. Then after I stopped, I was trapped in myself and the horror.
I am so grateful to have rejoined the real world.
And glad I have joined yous too
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
You are in your 50's now. That means you can embrace the opportunity to make the next several years or decades of your life the best years of your life.
You have this awesome opportunity to shift the focus of your life and really deeply cherish it now......
Because of the darkness you've lived, you now have a perspective from which to see clearly the light that there is....
Ahhhh.... but you are so fortunate!!! YOU ARE BLESSED!!!! SOBRIETY IS A GOLDEN GIFT!!!
Right on... keep at it... you're going to love this.
~A Different Voice~
You have this awesome opportunity to shift the focus of your life and really deeply cherish it now......
Because of the darkness you've lived, you now have a perspective from which to see clearly the light that there is....
Ahhhh.... but you are so fortunate!!! YOU ARE BLESSED!!!! SOBRIETY IS A GOLDEN GIFT!!!
Right on... keep at it... you're going to love this.
~A Different Voice~
I may be being melodramatic, but I feel lucky to be alive, and those morbid thoughts I started with have gone..and I think..I came through that. I did it, I escaped the dungeon of drink, I got to escape. Now I feel, every day is a bonus, when I think of all the ways I could have died there, accident, choking on vomit, heart attack, stroke, alcohol poisoning, organ failure and I didn't, I feel incredibly lucky and incredibly grateful that I didn't and I don't aim to waste this.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
You are in your 50's now. That means you can embrace the opportunity to make the next several years or decades of your life the best years of your life.
You have this awesome opportunity to shift the focus of your life and really deeply cherish it now......
Because of the darkness you've lived, you now have a perspective from which to see clearly the light that there is....
Ahhhh.... but you are so fortunate!!! YOU ARE BLESSED!!!! SOBRIETY IS A GOLDEN GIFT!!!
Right on... keep at it... you're going to love this.
~A Different Voice~
You have this awesome opportunity to shift the focus of your life and really deeply cherish it now......
Because of the darkness you've lived, you now have a perspective from which to see clearly the light that there is....
Ahhhh.... but you are so fortunate!!! YOU ARE BLESSED!!!! SOBRIETY IS A GOLDEN GIFT!!!
Right on... keep at it... you're going to love this.
~A Different Voice~
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by Tatsy
Hello Willadoit - YES you WILL!
I'm glad you're safely through the withdrawals. It's time to take stock. It absolutely isn't too late or hopeless, you can stop drinking and thereby improve your physical and psychological life and if afterwards, there's anything to be addressed, you'll be in a stable position to do so. I drank for 20 years and when I joined SR, it was a last chance saloon, AA, etc., I'd tried them all. Miraculously, I read Secular Connections and self-empowerment (rather than having sobriety conditional upon performing X, y and z and attending group meetings - not to say that doesn't work for many) really resonated with me.
I started a thread in Secular Connections, asking an AVRT question, and quite simply, since then my life has been transformed. Once the Beast was locked up for good and ITs AV instantly ignored (IT wants a drink - not ME); I moved onto other self-defeating thoughts that didn't suggest drink (the inner critic beating me up for being a failure etc) and the self-awareness and action that follows this technique, is just awesome. I now have freedom from those horrendous thoughts/thinking on that automatic loop. Therefore I can choose to do what I want to and not be dictated to by my lower brain (with its automatic responses and habit circuits) because I am human, with a linked higher brain: and so are you!
I'm glad you're safely through the withdrawals. It's time to take stock. It absolutely isn't too late or hopeless, you can stop drinking and thereby improve your physical and psychological life and if afterwards, there's anything to be addressed, you'll be in a stable position to do so. I drank for 20 years and when I joined SR, it was a last chance saloon, AA, etc., I'd tried them all. Miraculously, I read Secular Connections and self-empowerment (rather than having sobriety conditional upon performing X, y and z and attending group meetings - not to say that doesn't work for many) really resonated with me.
I started a thread in Secular Connections, asking an AVRT question, and quite simply, since then my life has been transformed. Once the Beast was locked up for good and ITs AV instantly ignored (IT wants a drink - not ME); I moved onto other self-defeating thoughts that didn't suggest drink (the inner critic beating me up for being a failure etc) and the self-awareness and action that follows this technique, is just awesome. I now have freedom from those horrendous thoughts/thinking on that automatic loop. Therefore I can choose to do what I want to and not be dictated to by my lower brain (with its automatic responses and habit circuits) because I am human, with a linked higher brain: and so are you!
I am starting to think myself "I can do this, I can be free forever"
I was at the mercy of the Beast 100% the past 11 days, it's NOT a good place to put yourself. But once I had started drinking, I gave it the keys to the dungeon it locked me into. I have the keys back, and I aim to keep that sucker where it had me.
Thank you for the link
I am also working my way through the AVRT long thread
I can do it..I can kick that sucker down those dungeon steps and lock it up forever. And get on with my life.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 109
Wow, learnt a lot of things on this site today. Came on very anxious and feeling hopeless about the future.
Learnt their are plenty of people gave up their destructive ways at my age, and are doing well and enjoy their lives.
Learnt talking to people who have once been where I am helps a lot with the fears I had even in "cyber"
Learnt a little more about AVRT
Have just read Dee's thread Relief and Respite, so learnt it's not a choice between not drinking and living with anxiety/worry or drinking, theres other ways to deal with stuff.
Next time my AV offers a drink for anxiety, I know their are other options. Next time it offers a drink for pleasure, I'll come back and read this thread.
Learnt the Beast is not the boss of me.
I know I have a lot more to learn, and I'm looking forward to it.
Learnt their are plenty of people gave up their destructive ways at my age, and are doing well and enjoy their lives.
Learnt talking to people who have once been where I am helps a lot with the fears I had even in "cyber"
Learnt a little more about AVRT
Have just read Dee's thread Relief and Respite, so learnt it's not a choice between not drinking and living with anxiety/worry or drinking, theres other ways to deal with stuff.
Next time my AV offers a drink for anxiety, I know their are other options. Next time it offers a drink for pleasure, I'll come back and read this thread.
Learnt the Beast is not the boss of me.
I know I have a lot more to learn, and I'm looking forward to it.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 109
Oh and I learnt I want to grow old (God willing) gracefully. Be an elegant old lady, someone my kids and grandkids can turn to if they are troubled, steady and reliable. Not grow old as some disheveled old lush/hag who people avoid. Yes, I still have ambitions.
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Last post, sorry Im keeping myself amused by being on here..I don't feel I'm in any position to post advice on anyone elses thread yet (for obvious reasons).
I just worked out that 70cl of vodkax2 that I was drinking a day, the last few days of drinking, is about 3 pints. I'm sitting here with a half pint of coke, and I couldn't even drink 3 pints of that a day.
I totally lost control that time, it's more scary than anything that I could lose control like that.
It's nearly time for bed. I hope I will be a lot more productive tomorrow.
I just worked out that 70cl of vodkax2 that I was drinking a day, the last few days of drinking, is about 3 pints. I'm sitting here with a half pint of coke, and I couldn't even drink 3 pints of that a day.
I totally lost control that time, it's more scary than anything that I could lose control like that.
It's nearly time for bed. I hope I will be a lot more productive tomorrow.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Goodnight Willadoit, I'm sure you'll enjoy a better sleep than last night. You're doing really well with the learning curve! You are not alone. So many here will relate to what you write.
Log back on tomorrow and continue your journey upwards. Your children and grandchildren will be thrilled when you revert to your normal, non-alcohol drinking self, able to dole out pearls of wisdom! You CAN do this!
Log back on tomorrow and continue your journey upwards. Your children and grandchildren will be thrilled when you revert to your normal, non-alcohol drinking self, able to dole out pearls of wisdom! You CAN do this!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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Originally Posted by Willadoit
Last post, sorry Im keeping myself amused by being on here..I don't feel I'm in any position to post advice on anyone elses thread yet (for obvious reasons).
Sometimes all people want is to know someone else has read their post and cares
D
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Europe
Posts: 291
Just one more small voice from the 50 squad.
When I turned 50, I was in my last days in rehab. In exactly 100 days I will be 5 years sober. And although I would be lying if I said my life is now a rose garden, I have had amazing experiences and encounters in the last 4.5 years that I would not have wanted to miss for all the money in the world. I would not have lived to see that happen if I hadn't decided to quit.
It's worth it, and you can do it too.
When I turned 50, I was in my last days in rehab. In exactly 100 days I will be 5 years sober. And although I would be lying if I said my life is now a rose garden, I have had amazing experiences and encounters in the last 4.5 years that I would not have wanted to miss for all the money in the world. I would not have lived to see that happen if I hadn't decided to quit.
It's worth it, and you can do it too.
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