kevlarsjal

I think so far I managed to find ways to deal with a lot of different emotions and situations without picking up.

One thing I haven't really found any helpful approach to is facing dreaded situations that scare the **** out of me. Like going to court, confronting traumas, opening that mail or letter that you really don't wanna open, going to the doctors for an important test. That kind of situations. I don't know how to overcome that paralysing fear that makes me feel dizzy and sick in the stomach.

The only thing I know I can't have a drink to calm my nerves and get into that "nothing really matters anyway" mood. And I can't run from them either.

doggonecarl

I think it's normal to be a little scared about various situations. Court for instance, and perhaps the doctors. There is uncertainty, and that is scary. We are out of our comfort zone, and that's scary. And that's normal. I think most of us deal with the best we can.

However, if your fear is paralyzing you, or if your fears are irrational (opening mail) then you might want to see a professional who can get to the root of your fears and give you coping skills.

Ariesagain

For things like opening those letters...assess your existing stress level? If you're already at your limit, leave it for a set time, like after a good night's sleep. Put it in your calendar so you won't "forget," though.

I've found that nine times out of ten, what I'm imagining is worse than the reality. So unless I'm just maxed out, I rip the damned thing open and get on with it.

For events..."one day at a time" works for those, too. I try to plan ahead as much as I can, write it down, and then give myself a set time that I don't have to think about it. It sounds impossible but as you get more sober time, you really can start to teach your brain to put things away until you ask for them.

The day before...I try to focus on the time of day when it will be over, one way or the other. I tell myself that if I can just get through to that time, at that point at least I won't have to dread it anymore.

In early sobriety, anxiety is pretty high. It will get better...not predictably or steadily, but it will. Alcohol dissolves resiliency...sobriety brings it back.

You can do this.

starstarstar

Good question and replies offering advice, thank you!

BruceSA

Hi, kevlarsjal,

I smiled when I read your post. I'm kinda like that as well sometimes.

See an email that I suspect could be bad news, or one that I really don't want to open.

Previously I would probably fortify myself with a few gulps of vodka and then still procrastinate opening it. I think it was just another excuse to drink - we need all the excuses we can get, right?

In the end they were normally not half as bad as I feared - but the drink was still "justified" in my fuddled head.

Nowadays, I just open them. The contents is still going to be the contents (alcohol isn't going to change the wording) and I would much rather open it sober and in control of my thoughts than otherwise.
All the best,
Bruce.

Grymt

For me it wasn't about opening the letter. It was like setting loose a very scary feeling in my stomach that without opening the letter I only feel the tip of. Were I to open the letter who knows what comes out. Even when having this irrational fear I still know it's irrational but that doesn't change anything. No intellectual game does. Anyway I would persist, Sometimes gathering all the letters and opening them in front of my therapist. Sometimes waiting and waiting for a moment when it seems safer. What ultimately has made it ok is, again, and always, for me, equanimous awareness of the breath meditation. I can now have those irrational fears knowing that they are a sign of something whose time has come to pass away out of my mind body phenomena is passing. By bringing my awareness to my breath I can observe these sensations rise and pass away and go ahead and do whatever I associate as being the cause.

MLD51

I have a lot of fear still about certain things, too. Most of it has to do with mistakes I made in different areas of my life while I was still drinking, which I'm still working to rectify. I see certain things in the mailbox, and I start to feel really anxious. If I'm up to it, I face the fear and open them right away. If, as Aries said, I'm "just maxed out", I put them aside in a place where they aren't staring me in the face, but where they aren't hidden, either. I have a separate spot for mail like that. Then, the next day, usually in the morning after I've slept and I'm feeling calm, I'll open them. Then I deal with whatever it is, right away if I can. Nice to start the day getting something icky out of the way.

This same approach works for many scary things. Do them when you feel emotionally stronger, but don't put them off too long, or the anxiety just keeps getting worse. Plus, if you're like me, there will be less and less scary stuff to deal with the longer you are sober.

Anna

This works for me. Anxiety causes shallow breathing which in turn increases your anxiety. Belly Breathing:

Open your mouth and gently sigh, as if someone had just told you something really annoying. Let your shoulders and the muscles of your upper body relax, down, with the exhale and relax the muscles of your upper body.
Close your mouth and pause for a few seconds.

Inhale slowly through your nose by pushing your stomach out. The movement of your stomach precedes the inhalation by just the tiniest fraction of a second, because it's this motion which is pulling the air in.
Pause briefly for whatever time feels comfortable.
Open your mouth. Exhale through your mouth by pulling your belly in.