sweetichick

I had six days up and felt like I couldn't cope. Figured a few would take the edge off. That did nothing so was back to buy another bottle of wine. I felt like my ex boyfriend was expecting way too much of me today. I'm half back to normal but not fully. He expects miracles in a few days. I am so tired and lost in my head half the time. I'm smoking way too much than I can afford and he expects me to give that up at the same time. Don't know what to do. AA hasn't worked for me. Smart only meets once a week here in this city. Just give up sounds so easy. Maybe rehab next if I can't stop.

Dee74

Well you know what I'm gonna say - you need to do different things to get different outcomes.

I don't usually do relationship advice but I think you need to lose the ex, sweetichick.

I presume he slips you some cash or whatnot sometimes but really - the real cost is way higher, right?

I also think that if you've decided Sober Recovery is going to be your only regular sobriety outlet you need to use it more, like every day and multiple times a day- especially when you're overwhelmed and looking to take the edge off.

You have to be prepared for a little discomfort ahead - but the support here really helps. Pleas use us and make a different outcome next time?

D

sweetichick

Sorry I should have posted first. Was dumb of me when I was doing so well.

sweetichick

Thanks Dee your support means a lot. I should have hung out and gone to AA tonight but too embarrassed. I'm already looking a lot better.

sweetichick

Will take your advice Dee and hang out here more. Thought I had the alcohol problem licked. What an idiot I am.

Dee74

No need to put yourself down. We all made a lot of mistakes on the way

D

PhoenixJ

Support for you

Nonsensical

Spoiler alert: it won't work the next time you feel like you can't cope, either.

My AV's favorite lie: next time will be different

Drinking was never different.
I had to be different.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Michael66

Sorry you are having a hard time Sweetichick. Well done for coming back here.

Might it be worth trying to work through the steps with a sponsor to see if that could give you a different outcome?

Done4today

Once I accepted that I will never have this, all desire and cravings disappeared. I haven't drank since. I know that I can't drink just one it will turn into infinite.

Keep coming back and never give up sweetichick.

tomsteve

sweetichick, from this comment and the one previously that AA did work for you has me thinking ya know it wasn't that AA didn't work for you- it was more that you didn't work on your own recovery- maybe you expected meetings to keep you sober without putting in any footwork?

no need to feel embarrassed. we are very glad to see people makle it back. many times we hear that that last drunk is the one that got them to surrender.

ljc267

I agree with Tom. Whenever I find myself in a rut it is usually because I'm not doing anything to improve myself. I discovered that I'm not going to recover fully automatically.

Ruby2

Sweeti, good that you are here and posting. There will always be things that cause discomfort in life. When the fog started to clear after I quit drinking for the third time or so, I began to realize a few things.

One. Drinking was no longer fun. It hadn't been fun for a very long time. We see the glamorous photo of how wonderful and convivial drinking alcohol with friends can be. We see red wine in front of the fireplace. We imagine a beer on the boat in the summer sun. We hear laughter. We don't see pictures of someone vomiting in the bathroom, all alone. We don't see a picture of a hangover the day after. We don't read about missing work or the anxiety.

Second, I was drinking to cope with/avoid emotional pain/anger/frustration/life in general, rather than figuring out ways to deal with all of that stuff without alcohol. Once I started to know that I would survive that stuff without drinking, it became easier to push aside the thoughts of drinking.

Drinking never solves problems. It makes small problems bigger. In retrospect, for me the hardest part of quitting wasn't Day One. It has been staying quit.

You can do this. If it's too hard to quit drinking AND smoking, just quit drinking for now. I hated AA when I first tried quitting. Now I go regularly. If you prefer Smart, go to Smart AND AA in the beginning. Anything to get out of the house and out of your head.

gregknight

Get rid of any negative influence to your effort at sobriety. That may mean your BF. If you can get into a rehab facility and can handle the cost, by all means, go. This is life or death. Do whatever it takes to stop drinking and get a plan for sobriety. The first couple or few weeks are the toughest to stay sober but it will get better with time. Best wishes for you!

AnvilheadII

"feeling" like we can't cope is just a set up to allow ourselves to drink. not finding other ways TO cope is a choice.

you won't be "cured" in six days. in that space of time one is barely fully detoxed. sobriety is a LIFELONG commitment. and that commitment is to NEVER drink again, NO MATTER WHAT.

in order to support our commitment, we must take ACTION. and we must be willing to CHANGE. change our patterns, habits, activities and mindset. rid our lives of destructive, toxic people. seek out other like-minded sober individuals, learn from them and with them about how to live life on life's terms without "having a few".

sweetichick

Talked to my mum and she is so upset by the toxicity of my ex wants him gone. Who can endure two hours of argument every day. Who can endure the putdowns. She is coming over Sunday thank God for that. I had the worst day of my life today and can't cope with anymore. End of story.

sweetichick

My mother is in tears everytime I mentionedy my ex that's how strongly she feels. Feel terrible for causing her so much pain

asixstringnut

Sweetichick

Don't be so hard on yourself. I am sure you are no idiot. I have already taken that name. lol
I have quit and failed so many times I have lost track. But I have decided
not to give up on quitting and trying to stay quit.
This is a great place to hang around and listen to the pepole who have lots of sober time on here.

asixstringnut

Dee74

How are you going today sweetichick?

D

sweetichick

Terrible. Just feel like obliterating myself. My ex got me out of bed by banging and yelling through the door. Another hour of fighting. He doesn't want me as a friend anymore. Just want to go to the pub and wipe it all out.