Hi I am a newbie
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 25
Hi I am a newbie
Hi everyone, this is my first post. I am a little over 40 living in Australia. Over the last 3 years or so I have become a daily drinker and marijuana smoker. Its on average 2-3 drinks a night (Bourban and coke) and one joint. I am a single working mother and this is like my wind down of an evening. Lately however I feel like I am needing more and more to get me to the sweet spot I like. When I realized this I thought that perhaps I have a problem!!!! My psychiatrist spoke to me in a way that made me think he didn't think it was a big deal as well as some of my friends who seem to think I am making up an issue that just isn't there. I still work full time and function fine however I have felt my mind getting a little fuzzy and sometimes I am in a daze. I have known 2 people in the past that smoke a lot of marijuana and I DO NOT WANT TO TURN OUT LIKE THEM! asking the same question 5 minutes apart, not listening to people properly. Just living a slight zombie form. I live my life like a hermit, I have to pretty much be dragged out and apart from 3 very shot relationships the longest being 5 months I have been on my own for the last 8 years. I keep telling myself this is how I am happy however thinking about when my daughter grows up and moves out of home I am struggling with how I will go at this time (quite a way off as she is only 11) I am not happy in my life! I feel I have wasted so much of my life and I feel that I have failed at motherhood. I am terrible mother, my daughter is spoiled probably because giving her what she wants is always the easy way out.
My psychiatrists have told me to cut down slowly but I am unsure which one to focus on. Bourban and marijuana go hand in hand for me. I decided on the weekend that I was going to cut down to drinking 4 days a week only however it is only Tuesday and I have already used up 2 of my nights. Now I am wondering how I will get through the next 3 days because in the back of my mind I am telling myself 'but why? You don;t have a problem!, you don't need to worry about cutting down'! Last week I had 3 nights of doing nothing and I have to say that I felt so alive and well rested the next days. I went to be early, read some of my book but getting myself to do that is a real challenge.
I know my post may be all of the place but does it make sense to anyone?
My psychiatrists have told me to cut down slowly but I am unsure which one to focus on. Bourban and marijuana go hand in hand for me. I decided on the weekend that I was going to cut down to drinking 4 days a week only however it is only Tuesday and I have already used up 2 of my nights. Now I am wondering how I will get through the next 3 days because in the back of my mind I am telling myself 'but why? You don;t have a problem!, you don't need to worry about cutting down'! Last week I had 3 nights of doing nothing and I have to say that I felt so alive and well rested the next days. I went to be early, read some of my book but getting myself to do that is a real challenge.
I know my post may be all of the place but does it make sense to anyone?
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 70
I'm really not sure what I can say to help you. Taking some time off is usually safe advice. Welcome to the forum.
This post by Dee is thought provoking.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-respite.html
This post by Dee is thought provoking.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...f-respite.html
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 25
[QUOTE=Aquafina;6349511]I'm really not sure what I can say to help you. Taking some time off is usually safe advice.
What part of my post makes you unsure of what to say? Is it the amount I smoke or drink because all I get from your response is the same as friends etc that you do not think I have a problem. And therefore now I think well i'm going to go and have a drink then as its been 20 hrs since my last one and it doesn't seem many people (there are some that are concerned) think there is anything wrong with what I am doing so I might as well keep doing it. It seems my brain is twisting all of the valid thoughts of what I should be doing in regards to being a better mother to my daughter and things to improve my life but it jumbles everything up in my brain to justify drinking and smoking.
What part of my post makes you unsure of what to say? Is it the amount I smoke or drink because all I get from your response is the same as friends etc that you do not think I have a problem. And therefore now I think well i'm going to go and have a drink then as its been 20 hrs since my last one and it doesn't seem many people (there are some that are concerned) think there is anything wrong with what I am doing so I might as well keep doing it. It seems my brain is twisting all of the valid thoughts of what I should be doing in regards to being a better mother to my daughter and things to improve my life but it jumbles everything up in my brain to justify drinking and smoking.
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 70
Sorry Liz its not your post its just me. I'm just withdrawing a bit and I need to be careful with posting. Roller coaster.
I'm thinking the same thing.
Originally Posted by JustCallMeLiz 
Now I am wondering how I will get through the next 3 days because in the back of my mind I am telling myself 'but why?
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: las vegas Nv
Posts: 11
Hey Liz welcome to the Forum I read your post and I think your in the right place to get some feedback I myself was clean for 35 yrs and yes I started back up in 2013 with my abuse and now been clean for a year now I have attended drug and alcohol treatment programs in the past and do get some useful tools to go away with and I like you admitted I don't have a problem but after listen to people and reading material on my addiction yes I do have a problem and now that am retired I find more things to do in my time instead of the daily Grind... 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
Hi and welcome Liz
I think a lot of us here can identify with your story.
I'm an Aussie too - tho a bloke with no kids - but my drinking and toking started as an evening wind down.
Regardless of how much it was, and what my friends thought, I felt uneasy over my dependence on the things that helped me 'escape' .
My list of things and feeling I wanted to escape from grew longer and longer and my use got more and more frequent.
I was one of those people who started off using drugs and alcohol, but by the end they used me.
I have to be honest: for me to quit it had to be all or nothing.
If I drank I wanted to get high as well. If smoked weed I wanted a ciggy as well - it was all interconnected.
If you're going to try and cut back on one or all of those things, you'll need to have strict downward targets.
If you can't keep to the schedule you devise. you might have to revisit the whole idea of cutting back?
It is hard when every little thing makes you want to drink or smoke - we all know the feeling
for what it's worth, Aquafinas post was staying anything but what you thought it might mean.
Some of our members here are as new as you are. We all try and help each other best we can
but why? because you want to be better - you want to have a better life than you have, and you want to be a better mum to your kids.
Noone here sought out SR by mistake.
SR saved my life. I could barely get 3 days without a drink once. I'm very nearly a decade sober now
Its not easy getting sober and staying that way but it is possible. Read around post as much as you like and ask questions. We're here to help.
D
I think a lot of us here can identify with your story.
I'm an Aussie too - tho a bloke with no kids - but my drinking and toking started as an evening wind down.
Regardless of how much it was, and what my friends thought, I felt uneasy over my dependence on the things that helped me 'escape' .
My list of things and feeling I wanted to escape from grew longer and longer and my use got more and more frequent.
I was one of those people who started off using drugs and alcohol, but by the end they used me.
I have to be honest: for me to quit it had to be all or nothing.
If I drank I wanted to get high as well. If smoked weed I wanted a ciggy as well - it was all interconnected.
If you're going to try and cut back on one or all of those things, you'll need to have strict downward targets.
If you can't keep to the schedule you devise. you might have to revisit the whole idea of cutting back?
It is hard when every little thing makes you want to drink or smoke - we all know the feeling
for what it's worth, Aquafinas post was staying anything but what you thought it might mean.
Some of our members here are as new as you are. We all try and help each other best we can
but why? because you want to be better - you want to have a better life than you have, and you want to be a better mum to your kids.
Noone here sought out SR by mistake.
SR saved my life. I could barely get 3 days without a drink once. I'm very nearly a decade sober now
Its not easy getting sober and staying that way but it is possible. Read around post as much as you like and ask questions. We're here to help.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 25
Thanks for your feedback. I think for me (although it may not be the case) I feel that if I was to quit cigarettes it would be the thing that would help to stop the drinking and marijuana. I am not saying that I never want to have a drink or a joint again but maybe I do need to stop for good. I used to drink and smoke socially and that was fine then but now it's gotten worse. Every night once my daughter has gone to bed I go out to my pergola and smoke a joint, have maybe 2-3 drinks and smoke cigarettes like a chimney. I am not a huge smoker during the day, today for example I didn't have my first cigarette until 4pm but at night I chain smoke. If I didn't smoke I wouldn't go outside because there would be no need. I would watch tv inside and I wouldn't drink because drinking seems to go hand in hand with smoking. I've been smoking cigarettes for over 20 years and have only attempted to quit one time lasting two weeks. I have a holiday planned to Bali in July, I am going with family none of which are smokers. I am thinking to attempt to quit smoking when I am there. Maybe get Champix and start the week before I go. It's a good idea in theory however I am a pessimist and have no willpower whatsoever. It's hard not really having anyone at home other than my 11 year old. I feel so isolated. I work at home about 2-3 days a week. I need to get myself out into the world with people and not in front of a computer or IPad screen all the time. There are so many things that I want to do but I just hold myself back. I feel like I am wasting my life more and more every day.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Welcome! I don't have any experience with weed, so I can't speak to that, but I know alcohol!
Alcohol dependency is progressive. As you have mentioned, it seems to be taking more and more of your combo to get to the place you want to be.
I developed a problem with alcohol in my late fifties. Part of my use was to de stress and relax fast from a stressful work situation.
I decided that alcohol was controlling me, not the other way around. I started going to AA, and put down the drink. That was almost 4 years ago.
Thought about AA? Could be helpful.
Full disclosure: I don't work the AA program anymore, but I still respect the program. It has helped a lot of people, including me, get sober.
Alcohol dependency is progressive. As you have mentioned, it seems to be taking more and more of your combo to get to the place you want to be.
I developed a problem with alcohol in my late fifties. Part of my use was to de stress and relax fast from a stressful work situation.
I decided that alcohol was controlling me, not the other way around. I started going to AA, and put down the drink. That was almost 4 years ago.
Thought about AA? Could be helpful.
Full disclosure: I don't work the AA program anymore, but I still respect the program. It has helped a lot of people, including me, get sober.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
Hi Liz,
Welcome, and I know you will find lots of support and understanding here.
My advice is to not listen to what others say about your drinking. You know (as I knew in my case) that my drinking was a problem. I think it's too easy to fall back on someone's throw-away comment. You sound like you are ready to make a change in your life, to become more active in many ways and to be the person you want to be. My suggestion is to stop because that is really much easier than cutting down and obsessing about how much and when. You will be able to do this and there will be nothing holding you back.
Welcome, and I know you will find lots of support and understanding here.
My advice is to not listen to what others say about your drinking. You know (as I knew in my case) that my drinking was a problem. I think it's too easy to fall back on someone's throw-away comment. You sound like you are ready to make a change in your life, to become more active in many ways and to be the person you want to be. My suggestion is to stop because that is really much easier than cutting down and obsessing about how much and when. You will be able to do this and there will be nothing holding you back.
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