Fresh Start
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 28
Fresh Start
Hi all,
I'm a 42 yo male and high functioning alcoholic. I think like most people here my drinking just got worse and worse over time. Everything stupid I've done in my life has been because of alcohol.
I generally go a few days without, then have a complete bender. Usually have no idea what happened when I wake up. Then have to make out like everything is ok and I feel fine, but secretly I'm in hangover hell.
My wife tells me I drink too much but she doesn't know the half of it - the hidden bottles in secret places etc. Some of the stupid things I've done. I have no control over my behaviour when drunk, and have done many things I regret and am ashamed of. I'm too embarrassed to write them even on here.
I've been like this for years. My mother and grandfather were alcoholics. My mother died at 49 because of it. I hate what I'm doing to my body, and I hate the things I say to myself afterwards.
When I've gone without for a few days I start to feel good, and I'm really productive which is great. Then I think I'll just have one nice glass of wine and stop... then I down 3 bottles.
I'm terrified of stopping - worried I'll be no fun and about attending social occasions etc., but today is the day I'm stopping. I need to kick the habit or it will kill me. I had my bloods done and all is fine, but I can feel things are not right inside.
I was going to write on here over a year ago, but got sidelined. Wish me luck as I begin my terrifying journey.
I'm a 42 yo male and high functioning alcoholic. I think like most people here my drinking just got worse and worse over time. Everything stupid I've done in my life has been because of alcohol.
I generally go a few days without, then have a complete bender. Usually have no idea what happened when I wake up. Then have to make out like everything is ok and I feel fine, but secretly I'm in hangover hell.
My wife tells me I drink too much but she doesn't know the half of it - the hidden bottles in secret places etc. Some of the stupid things I've done. I have no control over my behaviour when drunk, and have done many things I regret and am ashamed of. I'm too embarrassed to write them even on here.
I've been like this for years. My mother and grandfather were alcoholics. My mother died at 49 because of it. I hate what I'm doing to my body, and I hate the things I say to myself afterwards.
When I've gone without for a few days I start to feel good, and I'm really productive which is great. Then I think I'll just have one nice glass of wine and stop... then I down 3 bottles.
I'm terrified of stopping - worried I'll be no fun and about attending social occasions etc., but today is the day I'm stopping. I need to kick the habit or it will kill me. I had my bloods done and all is fine, but I can feel things are not right inside.
I was going to write on here over a year ago, but got sidelined. Wish me luck as I begin my terrifying journey.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Welcoem athomeuk 
I moved your thread here to Newcomers - you'll get more response here
Everyone here has had those what if thoughts - but the reality is my life has never been better than right now, as a sober person.
All those worries? they all work out somehow
glad to have you join us
D
I moved your thread here to Newcomers - you'll get more response here
Everyone here has had those what if thoughts - but the reality is my life has never been better than right now, as a sober person.
All those worries? they all work out somehow
glad to have you join us
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Althomeuk - you'll find a lot of support and understanding here. I think just about every single one of us was in your shoes at one point, and I can tell you with certainty that quitting was one of the best decisions I ever made. I hope you can stick around and join in on some conversation.
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