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-   -   A selfish request. (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/newcomers-recovery/405405-selfish-request.html)

Meraviglioso 02-26-2017 02:46 AM

A selfish request.
 
It seems a lot of people are having a hard time right now. I feel a bit guilty thinking of myself during these times but I am also having a hard time. I am transitioning from one psychologist to another right now and was without psychological support (very important to me) for over a month while I got in for a new appointment. I was kind of MIA here, there everywhere for a while as this hit me very hard.
I feel like I need a good cry to just get it all out but I have found that recently (a few months of so) I am unable to cry. The only times I have been able to get some tears out were when someone said something kind to me.
I am asking you, friends, if you have anything nice you can say to me to help me with this. I just one want one, good cry to let out some emotions.

Dee74 02-26-2017 02:50 AM

I think a lot of us are innate perfectionists and as a consequence we can be very hard on ourselves.

I think you've come an incredibly long way on your journey Mera, and I'm sure one day soon you'll be able to look back, feel the relief, and see all this is worth it.

You've been a constant support to many here, even when you were struggling yourself and thats a wonderful sign of character.

Don't loose heart - as long as you keep fighting you can never lose :)

You are not alone :)
D

Meraviglioso 02-26-2017 02:52 AM

Thanks Dee. x

ChloeRose63 02-26-2017 02:52 AM

I remember reading your posts for the first time when you were back in rehab. We were all so interested in what you were doing, how you were feeling, and how you were in general. I remember feeling comfort when you would sign out at night saying you were going to sleep. I knew you were going to be safe. Maybe you could reread some of those posts ♡CR

Meraviglioso 02-26-2017 03:00 AM

That's nice to hear ChloeRose. :) I did just read back over that thread the other day. It was incredible to go back through it.

PhoenixJ 02-26-2017 03:46 AM

Cry away M. You have offered support - so accept some back. You are a good person. (:-)>

Fusion 02-26-2017 03:48 AM

Mera, I too used to read your rehab thread, throughout which your immense kindness towards others, and love for your children, shone out from the pages, illuminated by the caring soul within you. Mera, perhaps you can try to be kind to yourself, a little more; you truly deserve it. Please don't take that as a criticism in anyway - I know it's hard, I can be my own worst critic.

I believe you've shown huge courage and growth. I do hope that the transitional stage passes smoothly. :grouphug:

MissPerfumado 02-26-2017 04:17 AM

Mera, you are an extremely kind person. Your kindness shines through in every single post you write.

You are also exceedingly sensitive. And you are much too hard on yourself, a lot of the time. Sometimes I will read a post of yours where you at last will show a flicker of kindness to yourself, but then your instinct is to withdraw it immediately. I feel sad when I see that happen.

Such a good person. So hard on yourself...

Take every good thing about your nature that people say to you here, and absolutely know these things are true.

wpainterw 02-26-2017 04:17 AM

Dear Mera:
Cry on my shoulder! Just tell me anything I can do to help you! I so much admired you for the account you wrote of your rehab experience. And I am so sorry that you are having trouble again now. I had a long and difficult struggle but finally got free of alcohol and have not had a drink in over 28 years. I think of it as like mountain climbing and the more companions you can get on the rope the better and safer it is. So if I can get on your rope along with others on SR please let us know anything we can do to make things better for you.

Your friend

Bill

Meraviglioso 02-26-2017 04:29 AM

Thank you all, thank you so much. I still cannot cry yet, but I am trying. I just feel this need to explode in tears.
I was doing so well, so so well prior to this thing with the psychologist. I had really started to shine. I was taking care of myself, eating well, exercising, putting on nice clothes eat day and taking care of myself, taking pride in myself. This break-up if you will with the psychologist has just sent me into a tailspin and I don't know how to recover.

Meraviglioso 02-26-2017 04:31 AM

I should say that that in and of itself says a lot, that I depend so heavily on others for my mental well being. But he was such a support for me for a year, through rehab and after, I just don't know how to go forward now and get back there. I have started with a new doctor, but you know how it is at the beginning, it is difficult to go back over everything, the history, etc. It is difficult to build trust to find that groove with another person. I am really suffering over the loss of such an important relationship in my recovery and my life.

August252015 02-26-2017 06:31 AM

Mera- glad to see you post. I have followed along, too ;)

A thought....we all suffer and hurt and IMO, comparing our pain to anyone else's (we could do this ad nauseum) can sometimes (often) only serve to make us feel guilty for feeling [bad etc] because our pain is "less than....[ ]." You deserve to cry, emote, share, etc just as much as any other person alive.

I believe, too, that tears will come when they are ready- prayers for you.

Hugs-
A

MicroMacro 02-26-2017 07:01 AM


Originally Posted by Meraviglioso (Post 6347198)
I am asking you, friends, if you have anything nice you can say to me to help me with this. I just one want one, good cry to let out some emotions.

I have this framed and hanging near my front door.

*Desiderata*

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
~ ~ ~

I wonder if forcing yourself is better than allowing things to flow naturally.

Sometimes, I discover that when I push too hard - whatever I'm pushing against pushes back. When I stop fighting against (or willing for) - the way opens.

Sometimes my will needs to be replaced with trust and a little faith.

Mountainmanbob 02-26-2017 07:06 AM


Originally Posted by Meraviglioso (Post 6347198)

The only times I have been able to get some tears out were when someone said something kind to me.

I would consider that as a (very good) sign.
When the time is right and real -- I think you will bust lose.
M-Bob

Anna 02-26-2017 07:51 AM

Mera, I think as time goes by, you may look back on the loss of your old psychiatrist as a good thing. As you said, you were doing very well with him and taking good care of yourself. But, maybe the new relationship you have with your psychiatrist will help you to discover your own strength and belief in yourself. I believe that you are stronger than you think and this may be the time in your life when you begin to understand that.

Venecia 02-26-2017 09:49 AM

Mera, I don't have any words of brilliance to share with you. But I can empathize. Crying is all but impossible for me.

You are a good friend to our community and are cared for deeply.

Big hugs, dear lady.

thomas11 02-26-2017 10:19 AM

Mera, I will always remember you because you reached out to my via PM about your weightlifting. Remember, we have common ground there. Life is like weightlifting, set goals and work your a$$ off to get there.

gregknight 02-26-2017 11:00 AM

I'm still pretty new to SR, so I am not familiar with your post, but I cry at least once, almost every day or every other day. Good on you, for continuing getting mental health support. I took that step to, for the first time in my life, just a few months ago, and it has been very helpful. You can cry on my shoulder.

Delilah1 02-26-2017 11:21 AM

Hi Mera,

It is great to see you back, I have missed seeing your posts. I am glad you have found a new psychologist, like Anna, I think this will be better for you.

I am another who has found inspiration in your posts, particularly your day by day account of rehab. I believe you helped many who were trying to find the courage to take the step to go to rehab and get their lives back.

Sending lots of love and prayers your way my friend.

❤Delilah

Dee74 02-27-2017 12:01 AM

How are you today Mera?

D


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