I relapsed and I'm so ashamed.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
No defense against the first drink. It happens so easily. I had four months, sober but miserable. My friend offered me a puff, ... yeah thanks, felt better, felt a drink would be nice, and that led to a one year relapse that almost finished me off. Gotta ask myself, where were all the thoughts of why I shouldn't drink? What happened to my memory. Why didn't it occur to me to "play the tape through". The sane thoughts that should have saved me were strangely absent. They did not come to mind. Instead I thought I would just have a good time.
I never admired those folks that could have one or two by the way. I thought there was something wrong with them.
Don't be ashamed my friend. If you are like me you attempted the impossible. This is just a stepping stone on the path to recovery. It may take one or two more stepping stones until you find what works. Keep trying, be open minded.
I never admired those folks that could have one or two by the way. I thought there was something wrong with them.
Don't be ashamed my friend. If you are like me you attempted the impossible. This is just a stepping stone on the path to recovery. It may take one or two more stepping stones until you find what works. Keep trying, be open minded.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 2,229
Hey Catlover! We have been missing you and concerned in the Feb. class. So glad you made it back!
I've also learned the hard way that smoking weed takes me right to a drink. I don't have a weed problem at all when I'm drinking, but my mind tells me that if I'm not drinking, a little hit or two will take the edge off and help me stay sober. It's a lie!
So glad you're still with us and sober today. We can do this!
I've also learned the hard way that smoking weed takes me right to a drink. I don't have a weed problem at all when I'm drinking, but my mind tells me that if I'm not drinking, a little hit or two will take the edge off and help me stay sober. It's a lie!
So glad you're still with us and sober today. We can do this!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: NY
Posts: 58
Hi Catlover. I can totally relate to your story. I'm on Day 7 today. I have quit for stretches at a time and relapsed many times. I am totally committed to quitting alcohol this time. I agree with everyone that smoking weed can lead to drinking. We are addictive people and have to be careful for replacing one addiction for another. Get back up and embrace recovery. You can do this.
Recovering
Join Date: May 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,361
Lots of us have done the same CatLover. I threw away nearly 4 years of sobriety. It took me the best part of a year to get back on the wagon again. I was ashamed to come back here as well, but I knew deep down that I needn't be - they don't shoot their wounded here.
Stick around
Stick around
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
I was a "chronic relapser" before I finally got it. I even sat in meetings drunk and talked my arse off about nonsense and denied I was drinking. They still loved me. The people in AA were so welcoming and gave me so much grace. They were always glad to welcome me back. The thing is...you never use up your quota in AA...or on here. So welcome back! I am glad to see you and I believe in you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome back! I'm glad you came right back and posted. I have 14 months of sobriety, but I struggled on and off for three years prior to that trying to stay stopped. I found that reading and posting on SR daily was a very big part of my recovery.
You can do this!!
You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado 
The work thing was a whole separate hang-up I had to address. The key thing was the stress fed my drinking.
I unwound some of the workaholic issues by fundamentally reassessing my attitude to work. I stopped tying my ego to my work, started really thinking about what I liked about it, started focussing on it as a service I provide to others, became more involved in the mentoring and community aspects, and began regarding myself as a steward in my organisation.
It was a paradigm shift in my attitude.
I unwound some of the workaholic issues by fundamentally reassessing my attitude to work. I stopped tying my ego to my work, started really thinking about what I liked about it, started focussing on it as a service I provide to others, became more involved in the mentoring and community aspects, and began regarding myself as a steward in my organisation.
It was a paradigm shift in my attitude.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Grymt
Good to see you back here. What do you plan to do next time you get frustrated.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Gottalife
No defense against the first drink. It happens so easily. I had four months, sober but miserable. My friend offered me a puff, ... yeah thanks, felt better, felt a drink would be nice, and that led to a one year relapse that almost finished me off. Gotta ask myself, where were all the thoughts of why I shouldn't drink? What happened to my memory. Why didn't it occur to me to "play the tape through". The sane thoughts that should have saved me were strangely absent. They did not come to mind. Instead I thought I would just have a good time.
I never admired those folks that could have one or two by the way. I thought there was something wrong with them.
Don't be ashamed my friend. If you are like me you attempted the impossible. This is just a stepping stone on the path to recovery. It may take one or two more stepping stones until you find what works. Keep trying, be open minded.
I never admired those folks that could have one or two by the way. I thought there was something wrong with them.
Don't be ashamed my friend. If you are like me you attempted the impossible. This is just a stepping stone on the path to recovery. It may take one or two more stepping stones until you find what works. Keep trying, be open minded.
I have tremendous admiration for those who only drink a glass or two. The ironic thing is that a mere 2 years ago, I used to be one of those people.
Thanks for your kind words. Appreciate it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Gabriel1
Hi Catlover. I can totally relate to your story. I'm on Day 7 today. I have quit for stretches at a time and relapsed many times. I am totally committed to quitting alcohol this time. I agree with everyone that smoking weed can lead to drinking. We are addictive people and have to be careful for replacing one addiction for another. Get back up and embrace recovery. You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Sober369
Hey Catlover! We have been missing you and concerned in the Feb. class. So glad you made it back!
I've also learned the hard way that smoking weed takes me right to a drink. I don't have a weed problem at all when I'm drinking, but my mind tells me that if I'm not drinking, a little hit or two will take the edge off and help me stay sober. It's a lie!
So glad you're still with us and sober today. We can do this!
I've also learned the hard way that smoking weed takes me right to a drink. I don't have a weed problem at all when I'm drinking, but my mind tells me that if I'm not drinking, a little hit or two will take the edge off and help me stay sober. It's a lie!
So glad you're still with us and sober today. We can do this!
Join Date: Sep 2016
Posts: 847
Originally Posted by catlover1989
Weed can be very "sneaky" in that sense.... I definitely am one of those who is vulnerable to relapsing when I smoke pot.
You are suggesting that there is a difference between alcohol and other hedonic drugs, such as marijuana. There is no such difference, since alcohol is a mood altering, hedonic drug, just like any other.
Weed is not sneaky, but your own Addictive Voice certainly is. It is telling you that there is some kind of difference between your preferred 'drug of choice' (alcohol) and your 'drug of non-choice' (choice #2 on down).
Once you are under the influence of one drug, and your better judgement is disabled, it will be relatively easy to live out the AV, and to keep the party going. You will need to abstain from all recreational, mood-altering drugs.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Boulder, CO
Posts: 419
Hey man that's ok. You made it back that's all that matters. Just dust yourself off and get back at it. By the way i can relate to your story about a year ago i thought i would be "OK" trying weed but as soon as i put that THC candy in my mouth and felt that high i did the same thing you did. I headed right for the liquor store and was off to the races on a week bender. Live and learn i guess.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 143
Originally Posted by Delilah1
H Catlover,
How are you doing tonight?
How are you doing tonight?
Phoenix - I'm doing okay thanks. Feel a little under the weather but I'm good.
Algorithm - I wasn't suggesting the effects of weed and other drugs are different to alcohol. I know that the latter has pretty much the same effect. 'Course with weed there are differences depending on the strain - some strains make me want to sleep, others give me endless energy. What I mean when I wrote "sneaky," was that because I'm not too big on pot, I thought smoking a joint wouldn't compromise my way of thought. I was wrong. I've tried ecstasy once and although the effect wasn't quite the same as booze or weed, the end result was pretty much the same - a distorted perception. And like you said, mind-altering drugs are something I need to stay away from.
Comtnaman - Thank you. Appreciate your support.
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