Day One... Again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 6
Day One... Again.
I'm an alcoholic. I've never said that to anyone. My friends don't know. My family doesn't know. Some of my friends may think I drink a lot, but none of them know the destruction it is causing in my life. None of them know that I spend hundreds of dollars that I can't afford to spend on alcohol. None of them know that I drink between a litre and a litre and a half of wine alone each night. None of them know that I choose alcohol over seeing family and*friends many times. Nobody knows all the lies I've told to cover it all up. Nobody knows that it's affecting my health, mentally and physically. I've missed work so much lately because of my drinking. I've stayed home the day after drinking with a promise to start fresh and make the most of that day, and then 2 hours after waking up I will go to the liquor store and buy a litre and a half of wine and drink all day long. Today is my millionth attempt at quitting drinking. My mind is foggy and my eyes are puffy and I feel like going to buy wine, because I don't feel like I'm going to succeed at getting anything done today and when I'm lazy I feel guilty, but when I'm lazy and drunk I enjoy being lazy. I tried to quit*drinking three weeks ago and I made it to ten days, which was amazing; I haven't gone ten days without a drink since two years ago when I made it to twelve days. I felt very determined this time and I started to feel like not drinking was easy and I wondered why I had thought it was so hard to stop. Then, on the tenth night, a Friday, I felt like drinking. Nothing happened, nothing upset me or particularly set me off, I just really felt like it, so I thought "why not? I'll get back to the sober thing tomorrow" and I have drank excessively every single night since, except one night that I spent with a friend who doesn't drink much. He brought wine and I had two glasses. He doesn't know that if he weren't there I would drink the whole bottle to myself and think that I hadn't even had much. It shocks me how long I have been battling with this now. It's really not who I want to be, yet I keep making the choice to let it.
2/2016
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 582
I hear ya groundhoggirl! The promises we make ourselves to quit and the shame we feel. It is tough. You are definately in the right place because we have been where you are. Keep reading, keep posting and good luck. Have you thought about something local like AA in your area?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
I resonate so much with your post, could have written that word for word last November.
I know it's easier said than done, but you need to make the decision to stop drinking. But also, for me personally, I needed professional help and I needed to admit to family and friends that I had a massive problem which I couldn't solve on my own.
Basically I needed to be honest with myself and everyone around me in order for my decision to stop drinking to actually be put into action.
108 days sober and there is hope. In fact there was always hope, I felt it after the first couple of days.
Admitting to others that you are helpless in your addiction is not something to be ashamed of, it's a proud worthy moment and once you let others in to help, the journey to sobriety is much easier.
You can have a wonderful life without booze
just dive in and realise you don't have to do this alone.
xoxo
I know it's easier said than done, but you need to make the decision to stop drinking. But also, for me personally, I needed professional help and I needed to admit to family and friends that I had a massive problem which I couldn't solve on my own.
Basically I needed to be honest with myself and everyone around me in order for my decision to stop drinking to actually be put into action.
108 days sober and there is hope. In fact there was always hope, I felt it after the first couple of days.
Admitting to others that you are helpless in your addiction is not something to be ashamed of, it's a proud worthy moment and once you let others in to help, the journey to sobriety is much easier.
You can have a wonderful life without booze
just dive in and realise you don't have to do this alone.xoxo
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
I thought, ignorantly, that I was the only one that could be as screwed up as I was. I did most of the things you are describing.
When I quit, I thought I was losing it, until I found this place. I learned that all of the s*hit I did wasn't that unusual to all of the s*hit everyone else with my problem did. I also learned that how I felt wasn't crazy given the situation I was in. It helped and it can help you.
Consider joining a recovery group if you feel it would benefit you. Do whatever it takes. You CAN do it, and you will be grateful you did.
When I quit, I thought I was losing it, until I found this place. I learned that all of the s*hit I did wasn't that unusual to all of the s*hit everyone else with my problem did. I also learned that how I felt wasn't crazy given the situation I was in. It helped and it can help you.
Consider joining a recovery group if you feel it would benefit you. Do whatever it takes. You CAN do it, and you will be grateful you did.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Welcome to SR! You will find incredible support on this site. I agree you should join the February 2017 class, also pop in on the 24 hour thread. Both of these threads will provide you with wonderfully supportive communities.
Glad you are here.
Glad you are here.
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