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Old 02-23-2017, 01:56 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Oh it's harder than you think


Well I made the decision to take the wife on vacation at over seven months sober.
I'm telling you each time I venture out of my normal day to day life the AV finds new strength.

Now I know I won't drink but these beach type vacations are rough. Most things In this type of environment cater to drinkers. They make it easy to trip up. Went to the casino for awhile and had to leave.
I really am trying not to be an ass to my wife but I find little fun or joy in this situation.

The point of my post is if your new to sobriety (like me ) and plan on living your life the same old way, you better prepare yourself and always plan on it being more difficult than you think. Your AV is waiting for just such an opportunity.
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Congrats on staying sober! Maybe next time you can find an alternate vacation that isn't booze cruise?
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
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No kidding Forward. It's ok like ever one says. Learn from it and make an adjustment to your plan .
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:11 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Congrats on your sobriety!!

Like Forward12 suggested maybe next vacation try one that doesn't have alcohol all around you. They tell us in recovery you have to change your whole life that means people, places and things.
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:17 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Begin writing a new chapter in your life
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:23 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Totally agree Matt, but good for you on not giving in. So many "leisure" activities revolve around alcohol. For a non alcoholic its not a problem, but for us its a bit different. You should feel proud. Hang in there.
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:26 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I look at sober time as proof that I can cope with daily life without drinking. It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. I learned that I was stronger than it.
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I got it Thomas. Thank you. I don't want the wife to not enjoy the things she likes due to my issues. You are right though the stuff I loved doing hammered isn't that entertaining anymore.
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:52 PM   #9 (permalink)
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The AV is grumbling because the Beast feels deprived and is throwing a tantrum, or many. IT's whining because IT can't ,IT doesn't understand you are not depriving yourself , you are choosing to be free of the crap that comes with boozing.
It may seem odd, but since you are stuck with a tantrum fueled whiny pathetic unwanted guest maybe have a little fun in ITs distress, try not to let ITs discomfort be yours, that's ITs plan.
Hope you find a way to find something about a beach and casino to enjoy, don't let IT ruin the whole shebang , if you can. Be good to yourself and laugh at ITs discomfort, you got this
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Old 02-23-2017, 02:55 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Hi Matt, I was wondering if you were doing that sort of holiday because it's what your wife expects of a holiday. Perhaps you could try to mix it up a bit.

I travel solo and my holidays normally involved flying somewhere, drinking happily at the airport and on the plane, checking into a nice hotel, drinking till all hours, getting up hungover and spending half a blurry day seeing the city (so I could say I had) and then drinking like a fish again. The first time I took a holiday sober I had to rework a lot of things, like making sure I planned sober activities (with other people) into the evening, running in the mornings, etc.

That said, my observation is that unless you are going to a country where they don't serve alcohol anywhere, no matter how much you revise your holiday mode, there is still a lot of temptation on holidays. So for sure, you have done excellently.

I would not worry about being difficult with your wife by making the choices you have e.g. not staying at the casino, or suggesting another type of holiday in the future. Seven months' sober? She has her husband back so you've done the best thing for yourself and her already.
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Old 02-23-2017, 03:36 PM   #11 (permalink)
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I know how you feel, Matt. There are so many 'firsts' to cope with. First sober vacation, holidays, birthday, etc. It's like we're learning to live in a whole new way. I agree about things not seeming as appealing without drinking - in the beginning. Thankfully, that usually changes as we get used to our new normal. 7 months is a great accomplishment, but still early enough that these challenges will pop up at times. We go through many phases. It's good that you wanted to talk it over here.
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Old 02-23-2017, 03:44 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Matt, I hope that you and your wife can enjoy this vacation. What can you do differently so that you will both have fun? I love beach vacations, but my beach vacations involve walking, hiking and bike riding and lots of ice-cream. I'm glad you posted, Matt.
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Old 02-23-2017, 03:48 PM   #13 (permalink)
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It's ironic isn't it. I was always the first one to be all up for something like that. Now I find anything that has to do with drinking a waste of time.

I kind of feel like a hypocrite in those situations.
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Old 02-23-2017, 05:15 PM   #14 (permalink)
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I hope you can find stuff to do at the beach that's not alcohol related Matt. I wouldn't go near a casino if you trapped me in a net...

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Old 02-23-2017, 06:38 PM   #15 (permalink)
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I'm doing ok. Its part of living life sober. You kind of stick your toe in here and there and see how much you can handle.

Sometimes you bite off more then you can chew and have to re-group and start again.

I feel real good and committed that I will never drink again . Now I have to learn not to be a jack ass to the people I love just because my AV gets pushy and my anxiety ramps up. All part of maturing as a sober alcoholic I guess.

By the way I love you guys. It's awesome to know people who get it have your back😀
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Old 02-23-2017, 06:45 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissPerfumado View Post
Hi Matt, I was wondering if you were doing that sort of holiday because it's what your wife expects of a holiday. Perhaps you could try to mix it up a bit.

I travel solo and my holidays normally involved flying somewhere, drinking happily at the airport and on the plane, checking into a nice hotel, drinking till all hours, getting up hungover and spending half a blurry day seeing the city (so I could say I had) and then drinking like a fish again. The first time I took a holiday sober I had to rework a lot of things, like making sure I planned sober activities (with other people) into the evening, running in the mornings, etc.

That said, my observation is that unless you are going to a country where they don't serve alcohol anywhere, no matter how much you revise your holiday mode, there is still a lot of temptation on holidays. So for sure, you have done excellently.

I would not worry about being difficult with your wife by making the choices you have e.g. not staying at the casino, or suggesting another type of holiday in the future. Seven months' sober? She has her husband back so you've done the best thing for yourself and her already.
Yeah we are kind of opposites in most things. Guess that's why we have been married for thirty years.

She's put up with more than any women should have to dealing with me so I need to grow up and deal with this trip like a big boy. I owe her that for sure.
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Old 02-23-2017, 07:15 PM   #17 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattq2 View Post
I'm telling you each time I venture out of my normal day to day life the AV finds new strength.
New excuses for drinking would be more appropriate, no?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattq2 View Post
...you better prepare yourself and always plan on it being more difficult than you think. Your AV is waiting for just such an opportunity.
This is just your AV in disguise, Matt, predicting a struggle around every turn. This suggests the possibility of more drinking, and is little different than when it says "let's drink now".

Can you see this?

It's trying to soften you up, by telling you to be very afraid, and to look over your shoulder for the rest of your life, because it's going to get you.

It's only as difficult as you decide to make it, though. If you get into debates and arguments with your AV, then you will struggle. If you just recognize it -- "Oh, there it is again, isn't that nice. It wants to drink, but I never drink. Too bad for it." -- you will not struggle.

The choice is yours.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mattq2 View Post
I feel real good and committed that I will never drink again . Now I have to learn not to be a jack ass to the people I love just because my AV gets pushy and my anxiety ramps up. All part of maturing as a sober alcoholic I guess.
Welcome the AV as a sign of health, a sign that everything is working properly. It can't hurt you, and that anxiety you feel is also your AV.

Challenge it to wiggle your fingers in exchange for a drink next time it pipes up. It may want that drink, but it won't be able to do it.
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Old 02-24-2017, 11:52 AM   #18 (permalink)
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How's it going today Matt?
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Old 02-24-2017, 12:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
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It's much better Thomas, got a good nights rest and went on a tour which was very interesting. Seems if I keep busy with something that's interesting I have a good time.

Laying around the pool with the over attentive wait staff...... not so much fun these days.
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Old 02-24-2017, 01:15 PM   #20 (permalink)
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It's much better Thomas, got a good nights rest and went on a tour which was very interesting. Seems if I keep busy with something that's interesting I have a good time.

Laying around the pool with the over attentive wait staff...... not so much fun these days.

I think that is key, find something that holds your interest. I like reading up on European history and some other crazy stuff and I go to the gym so I'm able to stay occupied. But if I didn't go to the gym I was thinking about enrolling in a class. I would like to learn how to weld or rebuild a car engine.
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