How many times did you quit before you finally did
 

This is my first post

I know I have a problem I just don't want to admit it. I admit it to myself but I don't want anybody else to know.

My church has a recovery program. I don't want to be seen there. It breaks my heart every time I think about going. I don't want them to know.

As long as there is no booze in the house I am fine. not really. I went to the grocery store yesterday. I need food right? but wine was on sale. I bought two bottles thinking, one for tonight one for tomorrow.

You know what I did.

I traded one addiction for another. I quit drugs years ago but then I started hitting the bottle HARD. After my husband died I started drinking everyday.

So many wasted nights drinking when I could be doing something more productive. It's really getting in the way.

and its making me fat

I think I am using the wine to not feel the loss of my husband. He has been gone 6 years

I don't think we really fool anyone with our drinking.

I hope you can use this site to jumpstart your sobriety. You only have to do it one time.

People at church would likely lean in and help, too. It's not unusual for people to pick up a bottle when loved ones die, that's what got me started up.

I can tell you that healing my losses only happened when I eliminated the toxic secret and got my body and mind clean again. Temple, and all that.

Welcome to the posting side of the site.

How many times did you quit before you finally did?

none, but a few times i "took a break"

didnt even quit this time- i stopped, but had to put in a lot of work on myself to stay stopped.

greiving is hard. when my dad died, i greived by staying drunk for 3 straight years. when i got sober 10 years later, i was able to greive much better- allow myself to feel it.the drinking didnt allow me to feel.
then when my mother passed away, as much as it hurt, i was very greatful to be sober and allow myself to feel.

Welcome to the family. :) I quit many times before I finally got serious. But until I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink, I went nowhere.

My sobriety career is now in its 3rd incarnation. I went at in in earnest in late February 2016, all by myself. Lasted 75 days. Then I came to SR in May and got another streak going June 10th that lasted 205 days, until the Thursday before New Year's. And now I've got 23 days going as of January 30, 2017.

It hasn't always been pretty, but overall I'm a lot healthier and happier than I was in Feb. 2016. I'm 65 pounds lighter, I no longer have crazy high blood pressure, and I just feel a helluva lot better day in and day out. I know I can choose not to drink today and that I'll be better off in every way by continuing to do so.

I'm sorry for the loss of your husband, I can't imagine. I quit every weekend for about 2 years before I actually quit-quit. There is no shame in reaching out for help in trying to quit. It might save your life.

Do you think sometimes people around us are just waiting for us to ask for help,
I've found people couldn't be kinder when I say I need help something I'm not very good at by the way

I went thru 8 years of trying and failing before I finally asked for help [AA].
I've been sober ever since.
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Hey there Bethshebas! I would think if your church has a recovery plan, making use of it is what they made it for. They're not going to beat on you for seeking help. Hope that helps!

you guys make me cry...but that's a good thing. I've been crying all day because I know what I need to do.

That's the surprising thing about sobriety. The first night without alcohol I cried like a baby. I didn't understand it.

I just did the most transparent thing. I'm in real tight with the man who heads up the recovery program at my church. I just emailed him all casual like "so ya'll still meeting on Wednesday nights?"


So I just gave myself away. Maybe I will find strength in this "sobriety thing" instead of weakness.

gosh I'm scared

YOU DID IT! You asked for help! THAT IS HUGE!

It's ok to feel scared! I'm pretty sure that 99.99% of us were pretty darned scared when we took that first step as well.

and you WILL find strength! Just like you find some peace here at SR, you will find it in sobriety as well.

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net...65&oe=59492CDF

Regardless of the number of tries: it's important to know that a) you can do it and b) that you should never stop trying.

For me, it was my second attempt after a half hearted try, 5 months before. Some make it on their first try, others may need a hundred. Posting and reading here is a good first step, and I wish you good luck.

I quit once on my own for a month. Thought I was fine. Went back to drinking. Then I went to AA and quit for a month, thought this was all just one big mistake, and went back to drinking. When I finally was at rock bottom I admitted defeat, and have not had a drink since. So...I guess I sealed the deal on the third try. But many get it the first time around......save yourself a lot of pain.

I only quit once, but I made serious efforts to "manage" my drinking many, many times.

If I could only give one piece of advice to someone just starting out in recovery it would be to dive right in to permanent abstinence. Don't try to cut back or take a break. In my experience trying to moderate causes anxiety and leads to a much worse problem down the road.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband.

Hi and welcome bethshebas :)

I'd go back to drinking again and again because I wasn't really changing anything...I was just inserting breaks of a few days to feel well again and then the whole thing would start over.

I've been sober since I found SR tho, and that was a decade ago :)

This place and the people in it helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you do the same :)

D

So I didn't hear back from the church and that's okay. I'm debating whether to just go but at the same time I'm worried on the drive home I might stop and "pick up something"

If I'm going to make sobriety stick this time i'm going to need support. (why I'm here) I guess I'll see if I can find an AA meeting but i'm afraid I'll see someone I know.

confusion and indecisiveness are the words du jour

It's okay to be confused!

It's not okay to drink because of it. Can you call the church guy? Phones are better than email, in my opinion. Or is there anyone else who goes to that meeting you could call? Believe me, they will be so glad to see you. :) Take a different route home - away from the liquor store.

You can also call the AA local phone number, they can help or at least have a woman call you to chat. And if you were to see someone you know at a meeting, they are there for the same reason, right? To get support, education, fellowship.

Good idea. I will talk to him this weekend. Meanwhile I really need to find a meeting or support group (real life not online)

So I'm signing off. It's 8:50 pm and I haven't had a drink today. I made it.

good night.

Welcome Bethshebas, It takes a lot of strength to ask for help. I had many attempts at saying stopped. I too would feel it was better to stay locked up in my house than to drive to a meeting. Good luck and someone (Dee) is always on to give advise and/or wisdom.

many prayers

some small quits that lasted under a month. two forced quits--one that began with my first hospital stay in 7/2015. Picked up again. I guess I wasn't scared straight. that ended with my final (i hope) forced quit in 6/2016 where I nearly died. Only was drinking for about 8 years big time. I know that's not a short time, but it hit fast.