My understanding
All is Change
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
My understanding
I've never got the steps. My brain was always too foggy or something like that. My mind would go off on tangents and I couldn't string one step together with another.
I can admit I'm powerless over alcohol and I needed to find a higher power. I think the bit in the bible that says if you choose to believe Jesus it'll be good. I don't have trouble with that. I know from personal experience that if I choose to believe in such a great person that act of choosing is beneficial. So I'm a theologian.
I think making amends is very good for the person making amends.
I think working hard with something that works is good.
That takes care of the steps for me.
With that (which came later) I think the best thing about AA is that it's available as a refuge. Somewhere to be and to help create a different set of habitual responses to drinking. So for me it was critical to go 3 times a day for 30 days. I made that commitment and stuck to it. It meant that almost the only people I spent time with were people in AA.
That habit proved its value later. All the times I drank after that I always remembered AA and that led to my quitting and finding to my surprise that one of the promises some members made namely that the craving can disappear, as long as I don't drink.
They have gone but I know that if I drink again they will come back and I'll be plunged back into the hell I was living in the last time I drank.
So I unreservedly recommend AA. Not because I get all of it but because it works, for me.
At the same time of course I meditate. It helps me to keep my focus. That helps a lot to live life happy and forever growing.
One thing I noticed today was as I was starting to prepare a meal is a great upwelling of a feeling of abandonment.
When I look after myself I feel empty and abandoned.
Without the awareness of the process that makes things like that happen and the awareness of the technique of breath meditation I could lose myself in that and retreat from looking after myself.
Without the AA meeting I went to last night I quite possibly would not have had that insight.
Be Happy.
I can admit I'm powerless over alcohol and I needed to find a higher power. I think the bit in the bible that says if you choose to believe Jesus it'll be good. I don't have trouble with that. I know from personal experience that if I choose to believe in such a great person that act of choosing is beneficial. So I'm a theologian.
I think making amends is very good for the person making amends.
I think working hard with something that works is good.
That takes care of the steps for me.
With that (which came later) I think the best thing about AA is that it's available as a refuge. Somewhere to be and to help create a different set of habitual responses to drinking. So for me it was critical to go 3 times a day for 30 days. I made that commitment and stuck to it. It meant that almost the only people I spent time with were people in AA.
That habit proved its value later. All the times I drank after that I always remembered AA and that led to my quitting and finding to my surprise that one of the promises some members made namely that the craving can disappear, as long as I don't drink.
They have gone but I know that if I drink again they will come back and I'll be plunged back into the hell I was living in the last time I drank.
So I unreservedly recommend AA. Not because I get all of it but because it works, for me.
At the same time of course I meditate. It helps me to keep my focus. That helps a lot to live life happy and forever growing.
One thing I noticed today was as I was starting to prepare a meal is a great upwelling of a feeling of abandonment.
When I look after myself I feel empty and abandoned.
Without the awareness of the process that makes things like that happen and the awareness of the technique of breath meditation I could lose myself in that and retreat from looking after myself.
Without the AA meeting I went to last night I quite possibly would not have had that insight.
Be Happy.
Whatever it takes - just for today.
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Canberra, Australia
Posts: 200
Thank you Grymt for your thoughtful post. I, too, am an AA advocate, because it is so far working for me.
My urge to drink left me pretty quickly but I know just one drink and I'll be thrust back into the misery and despair I tried hard to escape for so long.
As I'm still new to sobriety I am yet to form an opinion on the steps. For the first time in my adult life I'm doing what I'm told, not analysing or over thinking it.
I had my first experience of the destructive power of resentments this week, called my Sponsor straight away to talk it through. Was it a coincidence it came up now...while I'm doing step 4? Maybe not. I did not need to drink over it and I would not have seen this so clearly without the help of AA.
AA has been a remarkble, life saving journey for me.
My urge to drink left me pretty quickly but I know just one drink and I'll be thrust back into the misery and despair I tried hard to escape for so long.
As I'm still new to sobriety I am yet to form an opinion on the steps. For the first time in my adult life I'm doing what I'm told, not analysing or over thinking it.
I had my first experience of the destructive power of resentments this week, called my Sponsor straight away to talk it through. Was it a coincidence it came up now...while I'm doing step 4? Maybe not. I did not need to drink over it and I would not have seen this so clearly without the help of AA.
AA has been a remarkble, life saving journey for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
"When I look after myself I feel empty and abandoned."
That is a powerful insight! That gives you lots to understand/figure out.
We get big understandings here & there!
I don't bother as much with "why do I feel that?" lately. I've been doing "how can I support my changing that! How could I make caring for myself (cooking myself dinner) feel important and nurturing?
Insights are the reward of paying attention!
That is a powerful insight! That gives you lots to understand/figure out.
We get big understandings here & there!
I don't bother as much with "why do I feel that?" lately. I've been doing "how can I support my changing that! How could I make caring for myself (cooking myself dinner) feel important and nurturing?
Insights are the reward of paying attention!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 366
"When I look after myself I feel empty and abandoned."
I too think this is such a powerful insight. Thanks for sharing.
I'm very new to this sobriety thing, but I've had quite the opposite insight. Hubby has been traveling quite a bit for business, and I've made an effort to downscale my social obligations. I find I like the quiet evenings home alone. I like the process of preparing good food for myself. The almost meditative aspect of cutting vegetables; and the savoring of the rewards from the process; ie: feeling cared for, feeling full, feeling nourished.
The other night, I was sitting on the couch knitting, when I thought "I need something sweet". So I thought a bit. I decided to have an orange. I got up, walked to the kitchen, carefully peeled an orange, put it on a pretty china plate and returned to the couch to eat it. The whole process was just so satisfying.
It's such a break from the usual pace of life.
I probably sound crazy, huh?
I too think this is such a powerful insight. Thanks for sharing.
I'm very new to this sobriety thing, but I've had quite the opposite insight. Hubby has been traveling quite a bit for business, and I've made an effort to downscale my social obligations. I find I like the quiet evenings home alone. I like the process of preparing good food for myself. The almost meditative aspect of cutting vegetables; and the savoring of the rewards from the process; ie: feeling cared for, feeling full, feeling nourished.
The other night, I was sitting on the couch knitting, when I thought "I need something sweet". So I thought a bit. I decided to have an orange. I got up, walked to the kitchen, carefully peeled an orange, put it on a pretty china plate and returned to the couch to eat it. The whole process was just so satisfying.
It's such a break from the usual pace of life.
I probably sound crazy, huh?
All is Change
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
"When I look after myself I feel empty and abandoned."
further on this...
When someone does something to hurt me I'll punish you by hitting myself. There that'll fix you ..do it again and I'll hit myself some more..or drink myself into oblivion.
I think that tortured thinking was a part of my active alcoholism so it partly explains why treating myself well is new and difficult.
Similarly when someone is kind and gentle I get scared. I have to run. To overcome that I hit out.
If you hurt me I'll help you. If you are kind to me I'll hurt you.
further on this...
When someone does something to hurt me I'll punish you by hitting myself. There that'll fix you ..do it again and I'll hit myself some more..or drink myself into oblivion.
I think that tortured thinking was a part of my active alcoholism so it partly explains why treating myself well is new and difficult.
Similarly when someone is kind and gentle I get scared. I have to run. To overcome that I hit out.
If you hurt me I'll help you. If you are kind to me I'll hurt you.
All is Change
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
My madness seems so ridiculous and illogical now as I seem to be rising above it.
But I think it was a survival mechanism. How so? I don't know. maybe it worked to keep people away except for those unfortunate enough to take pity on me.
A strange way to fall through the cracks.
But I think it was a survival mechanism. How so? I don't know. maybe it worked to keep people away except for those unfortunate enough to take pity on me.
A strange way to fall through the cracks.
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