Water441

Hi! It's me water! Did Day rehab in December. Almost lost my job. Did my after care. Went to meetings. Exercised and worked very hard at my job on my return. And then I drank again. And now I'm heading to very expensive inpatient rehab (holistic approach), still haven't lost my job due to the legalities of accommodating disability (thank you god!), and still have a loving and supportive partner. This time though I think he gets just how serious it is and is going to alanon and educating himself. I also showed him where I hide things and he said I should get a new career as a professional hider because I was so good.

Not only does this have to work and I'm going into it praying and promising to myself to work at it every day but I think just out of an Abundance of caution I'm going to have to get a service that I go each day to take my Antabuse.

Because I simply CANNOT drink again. It's that desire to be normal that always let the AV convince me that I could... and it starts back so slow until it does. Definitely rock bottom this time as I checked myself into a hotel. Lied to work about my whereabouts and drank for days just about bankrupting all my available funds and terrifying my loving boyfriend...

Good lord this last relapse was terrible. Even after my boyfriend swore he'd leave me and I promised no more and we dumped out everything together, I had bottle delivery leave one for me in my backyard and slipped out when he was in the bathroom to get it...

That's when he said real rehab or I'm gone and work said real rehab or you're done.

For some reason this time, perhaps because I'm more hopeful it will work, the deep despair isn't quite as bad. And he stayed! The love of my life (who was about to propose) will stay!!!!!

I'm such a productive, high achieving, loving, helpful, achieved person and inspite of this even follow doctor treatment plans it still wasn't over because it's never over... it's always there. So you always have to say no - not every day - every moment.

Dee74

Hi water - I'm sorry for your struggle but I'm glad you're still fighting.

In the end, I think we need to throw everything we have at our addiction...leave no stone unturned, no effort too great.

Take that part of you that wants change and feed it - feed it well...and starve the fearful, mistrustful, desperate to maintain the status quo, addicted part out.

D

Algorithm

I'm sorry to hear this, Water, but you did stop posting on the forum. Your last post on SR before today was on January 25th.

People can't help you if you are not around.

"I can't drink" is no match for the wily AV, it is merely a speed bump. To the AV, it just means "I would drink if I could", and it proceeds to work from there, to convince you that you could have just a little, if you're careful.

That's a remarkable third chance, especially with work. If you are thinking about an Antabuse service, though, it would appear that you believe that rehab won't actually do the trick against the AV?

Done4today

Surrender and rehab will work. You have to work the program their way not your way. Good luck and prayers for you

january161992

fantastic demonstration of willingness/ action

for me actually being of service to others in the meetings is the #1 reason im sober today

great job and God bless

PhoenixJ

Take care- keep posting

Hevyn

Great to see you back with us, Water. Please keep checking in & posting when you can - it's helped me stay sober for over 9 yrs. - after drinking for 30. I lied to everyone & acted like a complete fool. I still don't know why I clung to it so fiercely. We don't need to sabotage ourselves any more. We're here to encourage you. Congrats on your decision to go to rehab. You'll have a whole new life.

ljc267

I'm no expert, but it was only when I took the possibility of ever drinking again off the table did I quit successfully.

Instead of I hope it works or I pray I quit, it's just I quit or I don't drink. It sounds small but it was big for me.