Notices

What to tell family/friends? Ok to lie?

Old 02-21-2017, 12:35 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
TheRuralJuror's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: NY
Posts: 56
What to tell family/friends? Ok to lie?

I introduced myself in another thread but quickly - I am 32, wife/sta at home mom (2 toddlers). I do not drink daily, but always on weekends and always at social events. Usually too much. I know I need to stop, and truly I want to. I am sick of the hangovers and feeling like crap.

The social group my husband & I hang out with and both of our families (who we see a lot) do a lot of drinking - but I usually do the most. I just don't seem to stop when others do, but no one has ever mentioned they think it is a problem for me.

Anyway, I am obese and am having gastric bypass surgery in the next few months. I will have to stop drinking right after surgery or risk complications.

I guess my question is - is it "wrong" to lie to my friends and family and tell them I'm not drinking anymore in preparation for surgery? It's not truly a lie, but the real reason I want to stop drinking is that I just want to stop. Will lying to those close to me undermine my efforts or recovery?

I should be clear - my friends and family would be 100% supportive of me quitting because I want to quit. I just kind of don't want to deal with the shame of it/explaining it.

I have mentioned to a couple close girl friends in the past (when my drinking was heavier last spring/summer) that I needed to cut back on my drinking, they were kind of surprised to hear it (because they drink as often/same amount). No one told me it was a bad idea to stop, obviously, but I just kind of didn't want to talk about it any more.

Thoughts?
TheRuralJuror is offline  
Old 02-21-2017, 12:38 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
Just do what is best for you, you don't have to explain it to anyone.
BrendaChenowyth is offline  
Old 02-21-2017, 12:40 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,326
Hi, I don't see any need to tell anyone that you don't want to. It's a personal decision to drink or not and a simple 'No, thanks' should be sufficient. I don't see any reason to lie because I don't think you really owe anyone an explanation. You don't need to experience more shame about your drinking by telling others. Many of us have had to make changes in our lives regarding people and activities to support our recovery.
Anna is offline  
Old 02-21-2017, 01:08 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Giving up is NOT an option.
 
MLD51's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,792
I don't think it's lying. You have a legitimate reason to quit because of the surgery. The fact that you want to quit for other reasons really doesn't need to be anyone else's business. That having been said, I also don't think there's anything to be ashamed of. You are making a decision to be healthier and happier, and a better mom and wife. You should be proud of that. Maybe down the road you'll feel comfortable telling some close friends and family the many reasons why you want to quit - you'll know when/if the time is right.
MLD51 is online now  
Old 02-21-2017, 02:36 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Canine Welfare Advocate
 
doggonecarl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,961
Originally Posted by TheRuralJuror View Post
...the real reason I want to stop drinking is that I just want to stop.
If that's the reason, why do you feel the need to lie. Do you really fear that they will press you for a reason and you don't want to tell them you are an alcoholic?

You don't have to. Lots of people don't drink. You are joining their ranks.
doggonecarl is offline  
Old 02-21-2017, 03:00 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Nic233's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Perth Western Australia
Posts: 2,671
I don't volunteer the info of why I'm sober to MOST people.. I have some close friends who know I'm an alcoholic and my immediate family but that's it. I usually use the "health" reason excuse when I'm sober but it's no ones business. It's our personal journey so tell people what you're comfortable with xx

Good luck on your journey- it's good to see you posting here xx
Nic233 is offline  
Old 02-21-2017, 03:22 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
TheRuralJuror's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: NY
Posts: 56
Doggone - I think that is kind of what I am scared of - saying I'm an alcoholic to people who will probably tell me I'm not. Or then feeling the need to explain why I feel I am; etc.

Also, I am nervous to say "I've stopped drinking because I'm in recovery" because I am afraid of failure if I slip up and relapse. If someone sees me having a drink and I've told them I'm an alcoholic then there's that embarrassment when I'll already be dealing with messing up. Whereas, if I say it's because I'm getting ready for surgery, I won't feel that pressure.

But I get what you're saying - if I want to stop, that should be good enough for anyone, including me!! Thank you for your input
TheRuralJuror is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:49 AM.