My therapist ignores my addiction completely
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Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
My therapist ignores my addiction completely
So I've mentioned this in posts before, but it wasn't as obvious to me yet.
When I first seeked psychological help from my therapist I told her that I'm dealing with PTSD and that I think my drinking is problematic / that it might have turned into an addiction.
She said she'd have me as a patient but before we tackle the ptsd I'd have to get sober and stay sober for at least half a year.
This is my first attempt at quitting and today I'm sober for 4 months. It was a real struggle at times, and still is. But I feel like she does ignore the fact that it takes a lot of energy and time.
In the first sessions I always mentioned in the beginning when she asked how I felt, that I haven't been drinking that week and how it was. But after week 2 or 3 she said "well but we're not here to discuss your addiction/drinking but the things that made you drink" I thought that sounded reasonable. So I stopped talking about it.
I mentioned that I feel extremely pressured and stressed in life and like I never get enough done, am never good enough. She suggested to find ways to de-stress and a hobby, something I can do for myself and not worry about being productive.
Then a couple of weeks ago she suggested I should go out and have a beer with my friends a bit more often. I mean of course you can forget about my alcoholism but I found it a bit insensitive of her.
Today I told her about one thing in life that makes me worry and she asked why I only start worrying about it now, as it has been an ongoing issue for a couple of years (it's gotten worse recently though) and I told her that I'm still new to dealing with things like this because before I would've been drinking to avoid thinking about problems like this, which she found amusing. She said I was right with worrying about it cause it's a problem and I should work on it cause I'm 27 and it's time to take responsibilities. If I were 20 she would've talked about it with me. And the suddenly suggested I should pressure myself more and force myself to get more done. Which I found weird to tell someone who is still kind of new to sobriety and drank mainly when felt pressured or stressed.
I felt really let down by her response and I am wondering if she's a good therapist for me. How can she (within 2 months) change from telling me to focus on removing the pressure and stress from my life to telling me to pressure myself more? Has she completely forgotten about my addiction? Has she no experience with it? Or does she underestimate its effect on me so much?
I don't know what to think. She just sabotaged my whole recovery plan which focused mostly on caring less about what others expect me to do and listen more to myself, removing pressure and replacing it with motivation and finding my "true" self again.
Am I an unproductive lazy **** who thinks it's an achievement to not drink for 4 months? Am I deluding myself? Do I make a fool of myself cause I think it's been hard work to get and stay sober? And am I only using that as an excuse why I haven't been as productive lately? So confused. I mean I was really good at lying to myself about drinking so maybe I'm just lying to myself again here.
Any thoughts on this are more than welcome!
When I first seeked psychological help from my therapist I told her that I'm dealing with PTSD and that I think my drinking is problematic / that it might have turned into an addiction.
She said she'd have me as a patient but before we tackle the ptsd I'd have to get sober and stay sober for at least half a year.
This is my first attempt at quitting and today I'm sober for 4 months. It was a real struggle at times, and still is. But I feel like she does ignore the fact that it takes a lot of energy and time.
In the first sessions I always mentioned in the beginning when she asked how I felt, that I haven't been drinking that week and how it was. But after week 2 or 3 she said "well but we're not here to discuss your addiction/drinking but the things that made you drink" I thought that sounded reasonable. So I stopped talking about it.
I mentioned that I feel extremely pressured and stressed in life and like I never get enough done, am never good enough. She suggested to find ways to de-stress and a hobby, something I can do for myself and not worry about being productive.
Then a couple of weeks ago she suggested I should go out and have a beer with my friends a bit more often. I mean of course you can forget about my alcoholism but I found it a bit insensitive of her.
Today I told her about one thing in life that makes me worry and she asked why I only start worrying about it now, as it has been an ongoing issue for a couple of years (it's gotten worse recently though) and I told her that I'm still new to dealing with things like this because before I would've been drinking to avoid thinking about problems like this, which she found amusing. She said I was right with worrying about it cause it's a problem and I should work on it cause I'm 27 and it's time to take responsibilities. If I were 20 she would've talked about it with me. And the suddenly suggested I should pressure myself more and force myself to get more done. Which I found weird to tell someone who is still kind of new to sobriety and drank mainly when felt pressured or stressed.
I felt really let down by her response and I am wondering if she's a good therapist for me. How can she (within 2 months) change from telling me to focus on removing the pressure and stress from my life to telling me to pressure myself more? Has she completely forgotten about my addiction? Has she no experience with it? Or does she underestimate its effect on me so much?
I don't know what to think. She just sabotaged my whole recovery plan which focused mostly on caring less about what others expect me to do and listen more to myself, removing pressure and replacing it with motivation and finding my "true" self again.
Am I an unproductive lazy **** who thinks it's an achievement to not drink for 4 months? Am I deluding myself? Do I make a fool of myself cause I think it's been hard work to get and stay sober? And am I only using that as an excuse why I haven't been as productive lately? So confused. I mean I was really good at lying to myself about drinking so maybe I'm just lying to myself again here.
Any thoughts on this are more than welcome!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Congratulations on 4 months of recovery!
Hmm, I know I had to remove as much stress and pressure from my life as I could to get through the early months in recovery, and as you said, that's what your therapist suggested. But, I got to a point where I needed to add some more challenging things to my life. So, I guess I would say, yes, removing stress and pressure early on is very important. But, after awhile, adding some interesting, challenging things to your life is also important to help you grow as a person. As you said, replace the pressure with motivation to work on being true to yourself. Perhaps that is what she meant? If you feel that she is not the right therapist for you, you could always try to find someone else.
Hmm, I know I had to remove as much stress and pressure from my life as I could to get through the early months in recovery, and as you said, that's what your therapist suggested. But, I got to a point where I needed to add some more challenging things to my life. So, I guess I would say, yes, removing stress and pressure early on is very important. But, after awhile, adding some interesting, challenging things to your life is also important to help you grow as a person. As you said, replace the pressure with motivation to work on being true to yourself. Perhaps that is what she meant? If you feel that she is not the right therapist for you, you could always try to find someone else.
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Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
It sounds like it just isn't her specialty area, and she's right, SHE can only help you with what she is trained to help deal with.. and we know that nothing else happens until we overcome our compulsion to drink. So there are plenty of other ways to approach your long-term recovery from alcoholism, but she is specialized in PTSD. She CAN'T ethically give her opinions on coping with alcoholism, because she's not trained and certified to do that!
She shouldn't have suggested you go out for a beer with your friends, but honestly, until you've PERSONALLY experienced alcohol addiction, you have no clue why that's counterintuitive. To her, there is nothing wrong with having A beer with friends, because she's probably thinking that the emphasis would be on the WITH FRIENDS part, the social part would help you de-stress. But you know you better than she does, and you know you have to substitute that activity with one that doesn't involve alcohol.
She shouldn't have suggested you go out for a beer with your friends, but honestly, until you've PERSONALLY experienced alcohol addiction, you have no clue why that's counterintuitive. To her, there is nothing wrong with having A beer with friends, because she's probably thinking that the emphasis would be on the WITH FRIENDS part, the social part would help you de-stress. But you know you better than she does, and you know you have to substitute that activity with one that doesn't involve alcohol.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 732
Sounds like she doesn't know you, and she's not remembering what you are telling her and what she is telling you. Which makes it a bit pointless - even my group leaders in a large group remember what I'm going through the week before.
Don't doubt yourself you make perfect sense and you are doing so well. Would you feel comfortable challenging her about this?
Don't doubt yourself you make perfect sense and you are doing so well. Would you feel comfortable challenging her about this?
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
I have had to change counsellors in the past because of not feeling like we were connecting. And I didn't regret it, I ended up with a fantastic counsellor, one who made me feel safe and understood. She never forgot any of my details, either.
Is it possible to find a different therapist, one that has addictions as one of her specialties?
I think for your therapist to suggest that you go for a beer with friends shows that she really doesn't understand addiction.
4 months is awesome
Is it possible to find a different therapist, one that has addictions as one of her specialties?
I think for your therapist to suggest that you go for a beer with friends shows that she really doesn't understand addiction.
4 months is awesome Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Some therapists refuse to work with active addicts. I can see some sense in the idea of spending a few months sober before tackling something like PTSD... alcoholism can mimic and/or expand many symptoms and can significantly distort a person's perceptions and emotions. But if someone is not supported about recovery, how can we ever get to doing some "deeper work"?
I did quite a bit of psychotherapy in sobriety and enjoyed it a great deal but, honestly, I did not find therapy particularly helpful with my alcoholism per se. Part of it is because therapy is typically highly compartmentalized and often the interactions do not occur when a recovering addict most needs it. Peer support has been far more effective for me. However, I found therapy very useful to address my general obsessive tendencies and mental instability, although it took a while to start recognizing the benefits. It's also not always obvious what works and how in therapy, in my experience, before getting to a certain stage when the benefits become very clear and it's easier to see what aspects we actually grasped on and utilized.
From the description, it sounds like she is trying to challenge you, which may not be a bad thing at all, especially if you have avoidance strategies. Perhaps she changed her approach in line with how she is getting to know you but it's possible that it's misinterpreted. The best thing to do is to discuss all that with her, including the areas where you feel dissatisfied with her. Otherwise how would she know? Could you plain tell her that you would like more support with your recovery work specifically and ask her if she is able/willing to provide that?
I had a therapist who claimed to have alcoholism as one of his specialties but was not good at addressing it at all and forced me into simplistic, stereotypical schemas that were the center of his theoretical bent but not a good fit for me. When I relapsed, I felt that he actively ignored the main issue while discouraging me to seek help elsewhere. He was good at other things and I learned a lot from all the conflicts I had with him but he did not help to tackle my relapse.
Again, I would discuss my concerns with her and if things do not improve, find someone else.
I did quite a bit of psychotherapy in sobriety and enjoyed it a great deal but, honestly, I did not find therapy particularly helpful with my alcoholism per se. Part of it is because therapy is typically highly compartmentalized and often the interactions do not occur when a recovering addict most needs it. Peer support has been far more effective for me. However, I found therapy very useful to address my general obsessive tendencies and mental instability, although it took a while to start recognizing the benefits. It's also not always obvious what works and how in therapy, in my experience, before getting to a certain stage when the benefits become very clear and it's easier to see what aspects we actually grasped on and utilized.
From the description, it sounds like she is trying to challenge you, which may not be a bad thing at all, especially if you have avoidance strategies. Perhaps she changed her approach in line with how she is getting to know you but it's possible that it's misinterpreted. The best thing to do is to discuss all that with her, including the areas where you feel dissatisfied with her. Otherwise how would she know? Could you plain tell her that you would like more support with your recovery work specifically and ask her if she is able/willing to provide that?
I had a therapist who claimed to have alcoholism as one of his specialties but was not good at addressing it at all and forced me into simplistic, stereotypical schemas that were the center of his theoretical bent but not a good fit for me. When I relapsed, I felt that he actively ignored the main issue while discouraging me to seek help elsewhere. He was good at other things and I learned a lot from all the conflicts I had with him but he did not help to tackle my relapse.
Again, I would discuss my concerns with her and if things do not improve, find someone else.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
In my opinion, it's not even worth being in therapy if you have an addiction unless it's with a therapist who specializes in helping people/families deal with addiction. It's ignoring the white elephant in the room, likely due to lack of education about addiction.
Search for a new therapist with an addiction specialty. Just my .02
Good Luck!
Search for a new therapist with an addiction specialty. Just my .02
Good Luck!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I am somewhat new to therapy but had to try out a couple of different ones before I found a good fit too. There's nothing wrong with just moving on if things aren't working, which it sounds like they aren't. I found a therapist who is actually a recovering alcoholic herself so we have a lot in common, and she specializes in working with people with addiction history. I don't specifically go for help with my addiction ( anxiety ) but it really helps to have someone who understands.
Congrats on 4 months and don't fret if you need to find a new therapist.
Congrats on 4 months and don't fret if you need to find a new therapist.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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This is a great topic in general, when people in general ignore your addiction. It's a big pet peeve of mine. Like don't they know how much I've struggled and how hard it is for me to not drink?
I get this treatment from my family and a few others. But from a therapist would raise eyebrows. My therapist has experience working with addiction, which helps. I might look around as well, the extra addiction-related support helps.
I get this treatment from my family and a few others. But from a therapist would raise eyebrows. My therapist has experience working with addiction, which helps. I might look around as well, the extra addiction-related support helps.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
For many of us with mental health issues, that is the core of the alcohol abuse problem in the first place, which seems like what your therapist is trying to address by resolving the ptsd issues, which will also end the alcoholism. Though I agree there is something wrong with them suggesting you go out and have a drink.
If you are unhappy with your therapist, there is nothing wrong with changing them, or to start seeing a 2nd that specializes in addiction. There is also good ol' AA that is free and everywhere.
If you are unhappy with your therapist, there is nothing wrong with changing them, or to start seeing a 2nd that specializes in addiction. There is also good ol' AA that is free and everywhere.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi kevlarsjal
With regards to pressure I agree with Anna - I stayed away from pressure events for a while, but I worked my way back up to new experiences after a while. It seemed foolish to go through all this change and simply live the old cloistered life I led from booze shop to bedroom.
But the timing was my choosing...when I was ready - and I started off slowly with unfamiliar but low level situations...I started volunteering for example to get back into having contact with other people, but it was not a highly stressful situation.
as for the rest...
I know that although my alcoholism was undeniably a flawed response to underlying issues, I couldn't have stayed sober just by focusing on those underlying issues, or just on my alcoholism.
It needed to be both... so your therapist would not have been a good fit for me.
If you suspect the same for yourself, why not get a second opinion from another therapist?
D
With regards to pressure I agree with Anna - I stayed away from pressure events for a while, but I worked my way back up to new experiences after a while. It seemed foolish to go through all this change and simply live the old cloistered life I led from booze shop to bedroom.
But the timing was my choosing...when I was ready - and I started off slowly with unfamiliar but low level situations...I started volunteering for example to get back into having contact with other people, but it was not a highly stressful situation.
as for the rest...
I know that although my alcoholism was undeniably a flawed response to underlying issues, I couldn't have stayed sober just by focusing on those underlying issues, or just on my alcoholism.
It needed to be both... so your therapist would not have been a good fit for me.
If you suspect the same for yourself, why not get a second opinion from another therapist?
D
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
Have you talked with the therapist about this? Perhaps best to do so. I once misunderstood something a therapist said that sent me into a bit of a tailspin. When I finally confronteed the therapist I found I'd completely misunderstood and the comment was benign. Perhaps the therapist was seeing what your reaction would be. Anyway if it turns out the therapist just hadn't been paying attention tell him/her off and see what the future holds, If it really means the therapist is not for you. get another one.
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 66
I was seeing a therapist for the last year of my drinking. Whilst he asked me to cut down my drinking, it was never a significant enough concern for him to ask me to abstain entirely.
I was never honest with him about the true nature of my drinking so I am entirely to blame for not getting the right help. However what I found was that very little of his suggestions were of use while I was still pounding my body with alcohol. It was making me incredibly depressed and anxious and I was given large doses of antidepressants that did virtually nothing for me.
I stopped seeing him, stopped the alcohol independently through joining AA, and within 3 months of stopping all illegal substances my depression and anxiety lifted, very intensely in fact
I had no idea of how badly the alcohol and other substances were affecting my mental state. I thought of them as a temporary solution to my mental state when in fact they were creating it.
I absolutely think a therapist would help me in a similar situation had I not had the addiction in tow. However ignoring the addiction for me was a total red herring. If I had known the level of addiction that I had, I would have sought addiction assistance rather than assistance with the side effects of my addiction, if that makes sense
I was never honest with him about the true nature of my drinking so I am entirely to blame for not getting the right help. However what I found was that very little of his suggestions were of use while I was still pounding my body with alcohol. It was making me incredibly depressed and anxious and I was given large doses of antidepressants that did virtually nothing for me.
I stopped seeing him, stopped the alcohol independently through joining AA, and within 3 months of stopping all illegal substances my depression and anxiety lifted, very intensely in fact
I had no idea of how badly the alcohol and other substances were affecting my mental state. I thought of them as a temporary solution to my mental state when in fact they were creating it.
I absolutely think a therapist would help me in a similar situation had I not had the addiction in tow. However ignoring the addiction for me was a total red herring. If I had known the level of addiction that I had, I would have sought addiction assistance rather than assistance with the side effects of my addiction, if that makes sense
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Congrats on 4 months!
Finding the right therapist can be a chore. This is why I am continuing with the one I found when I was required after my DUI last year. We clicked in the assessment and I told her then that I would be continuing to see her even long after the requirements were met.
BIG RED FLAG:
You have the right to a competent therapist. I would have called her out on this in a heartbeat. I would have said "Your requirement for me to be a patient is that I have to get and stay sober for a half a year and now you're telling me that I should go out and have a beer with my friends more often, so which is it?"
I would be looking for a new therapist.
Finding the right therapist can be a chore. This is why I am continuing with the one I found when I was required after my DUI last year. We clicked in the assessment and I told her then that I would be continuing to see her even long after the requirements were met.
BIG RED FLAG:
She said she'd have me as a patient but before we tackle the ptsd I'd have to get sober and stay sober for at least half a year.
Then a couple of weeks ago she suggested I should go out and have a beer with my friends a bit more often.
I would be looking for a new therapist.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
Thank you everyone for your feedback, advice, it's highly appreciated!
Today I feel like I'm right back where I was half a year ago with pressuring myself :-( I am doing a distance course at university and I have major problems to decide when I've done enough for the day. I planned to work through half the chapter today and then do something fun (crafting, painting) as a reward and a way to relax. I got that done quicker than expected though so I thought it wasn't enough then and I should do the whole chapter instead. Now it's super late, I haven't finished the whole chapter and I had no me-time either.
It's been a problem for ages. I set a goal, reach it in time and think my goal wasn't good enough, so I'll keep setting it higher until it's unreachable and I feel like a failure. It's impossible for me to be pleased with how much I have done. MUST DO MORE! is what my brain shouts at me.
Obviously that leads to feeling bad about myself, stressed, pressured, not getting enough food, sleep or time for myself / seeing friends. Alcohol seemed like the perfect solution cause drinking half a bottle or a whole bottle of wine every night forced me to step back cause I couldn't study when slightly drunk and also it took that unpleasant feeling of being a failure away. Obvioiusly no longer an option but I really feel like I need a drink.
I was doing quite good progress on being nicer to myself and allowing myself some me time and accepting that it's essential and will only make me more productive in the long run but I still felt so insecure about it that my therapist destroyed all of that progress with what she said yesterday. I feel horrible.
Today I feel like I'm right back where I was half a year ago with pressuring myself :-( I am doing a distance course at university and I have major problems to decide when I've done enough for the day. I planned to work through half the chapter today and then do something fun (crafting, painting) as a reward and a way to relax. I got that done quicker than expected though so I thought it wasn't enough then and I should do the whole chapter instead. Now it's super late, I haven't finished the whole chapter and I had no me-time either.
It's been a problem for ages. I set a goal, reach it in time and think my goal wasn't good enough, so I'll keep setting it higher until it's unreachable and I feel like a failure. It's impossible for me to be pleased with how much I have done. MUST DO MORE! is what my brain shouts at me.
Obviously that leads to feeling bad about myself, stressed, pressured, not getting enough food, sleep or time for myself / seeing friends. Alcohol seemed like the perfect solution cause drinking half a bottle or a whole bottle of wine every night forced me to step back cause I couldn't study when slightly drunk and also it took that unpleasant feeling of being a failure away. Obvioiusly no longer an option but I really feel like I need a drink.
I was doing quite good progress on being nicer to myself and allowing myself some me time and accepting that it's essential and will only make me more productive in the long run but I still felt so insecure about it that my therapist destroyed all of that progress with what she said yesterday. I feel horrible.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
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Just because she's a therapist doesn't mean she's right. There are plenty of bad therapists out there...from everything you've posted, she's in that category.
It seems to me that you know yourself and your patterns pretty well. Next time maybe you'll give yourself permission to take that break, yes? There are plenty of studies out there that show that just grinding away for hours is in fact counterproductive to real learning.
Sending you a hug.
It seems to me that you know yourself and your patterns pretty well. Next time maybe you'll give yourself permission to take that break, yes? There are plenty of studies out there that show that just grinding away for hours is in fact counterproductive to real learning.
Sending you a hug.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Europe
Posts: 523
@anna: thanks! Yes I see, but I have been adding pressure in low doses back into my everyday life by getting back into studying, meeting friends again and dealing with some problems I tried to avoid for a long time. It's just been the main problem that made me drink, that I would pressure myself to the maximum and I would never be pleased with myself if I reached my goals cause I thought I needed to set them higher. So I set them so high that I failed which made me pressure myself even more. So I thought it was a good idea to find ways to lessen my stress and pressure levels long term, like my therapist suggested in the beginning. And what she said was literally to try and get done with studying as fast as possible and to not allow myself any days off, not even the Sundays and no me time in the evenings. Don't know why she could say that.
@BrendaChenowyth: on her homepage it says she's specialised in both, ptsd and addiction, so I thought she'd be a good match and I don't know why she (at the moment) refuses to talk about both of the problems. Yes, I'm happy I'm past that stage where I thought I could have one drink with friends, it would never lead to something good!
@daisy1: yes I have the impression she doesn't know her patients well and doesn't prepare well for the sessions. I will definitely confront her with that the next time and also ask her what the purpose of the sessions is if we don't work on any of my problems really.
@2ndhandrose: thanks! Yes it's possible to find another therapist but most of them have waiting lists and it takes about half a year until the therapy would start. When I was looking for a therapist by the end of last year I was so devastated that I felt like I needed help just then and didn't wanna wait so I was happy I found at least someone. According to her website she's also specialised in addiction. But I agree, she doesn't seem to know much about it.
@Aellyce: yes I was wondering too, if she tried to challenge me, it's one thing I'll ask her about the next time I see her. I asked her before if we could address my addiction more but she just said it wasn't my main issue and therefore we couldn't.
@hopeful4: thanks! As mentioned above she claims to be specialised in addiction too. And when I contacted other therapists that were specialised on it, they didn't want me as their patient because of the ptsd. It's not many in my area that are experienced with both unfortunately. But maybe I'll have to go to two different ones if my insurance covers for that.
@ScottFromWI: thanks! That sounds like a great find, someone who has the first hand insight on alcoholism herself but also the professional knowledge about it. My plan right now is to confront her about this whole issue the next time and then see how she reacts and then depending on that maybe try and start to look for someone new.
@Ariesagain: thank you! Yes I told her straight away that maybe for an alcoholic like me it wouldn't be a good idea to have a beer with my friends and she just laughed it off and said "yes well your friend could have a beer and you get an alcohol free one" which to me sounds like she either forgot about the addiction or really doesn't know anything about it because I wouldn't wanna drink an alcohol free one either...
@bluedog97: I haven't told many people about my addiction so I can't expect any kind of acknowledgement for not drinking. My boyfriend knows though and cause he's an alcoholic himself he's incredibly proud of me and very very supportive. I guess for people who haven't experienced it themselves it's hard if not impossible to understand. But yes, I expect my therapist to at least know that it's not just done by not drinking anymore but that there's much much more to it and that it doesn't mean the addiction is cured just cause I don't drink now.
@Forward12: yes i see why she thinks it's the ptsd that caused the addiction (although I am starting to have my doubts about that) and why you would have to treat that in order to treat the alcoholism. And maybe I'll try to find someone who's a better fit. I'll give her another chance though. I've tried AA and other groups but I didn't feel comfortable there, I much prefer this forum.
@Dee74: I thought for quite a while my drinking was partly because of anxiety that was caused by my ptsd, but being 4 months sober now, I have to say I don't suffer from anxiety any longer. So that clearly was caused by the drinking. Now I'm a bit in a hen and egg situation where I'm no longer sure what led to what and what was caused by what. Maybe it would be best for me too to get treatment for both the ptsd and the addiction.
@Grymt: I haven't talked to her about it yet but I will when I see her the next time. I hope it's just a misunderstanding but it happened before that she completely forgot about one of my main problems. My main problem the ptsd is caused by getting raped when I was 19 and she mentioned the topic rape as an example to explain something else when I was not prepared at all so she was surprised by my emotional response to the topic and when I told her that it's kind of a trigger since I've experienced it myself she admitted that she forgot.
@hodor: yes it makes perfect sense. I'm in a similar situation. I thought for the longest time that one of the main reasons I was drinking was to cope with stress and anxiety caused by the ptsd. I even told my alcoholic boyfriend I wasn't an alcoholic, cause I only had to drink to deal with my anxiety that would be so bad without the alcohol that it gave me shaky hands. Not because I was addicted, noooo! I honestly believed that though and even he believed me. But now that I quit drinking I noticed how the anxiety completely disappeared. So think the drinking had much bigger effects on me and caused much more symptoms than I thought it did.
@LadyBlue0527: thank you! Like I said above, she played it down and corrected it to me having an alcohol free beer instead. Which I still find an awful suggestion to an alcoholic. I'll confront her about it one more time and then decide if I should start to look for someone new.
@BrendaChenowyth: on her homepage it says she's specialised in both, ptsd and addiction, so I thought she'd be a good match and I don't know why she (at the moment) refuses to talk about both of the problems. Yes, I'm happy I'm past that stage where I thought I could have one drink with friends, it would never lead to something good!
@daisy1: yes I have the impression she doesn't know her patients well and doesn't prepare well for the sessions. I will definitely confront her with that the next time and also ask her what the purpose of the sessions is if we don't work on any of my problems really.
@2ndhandrose: thanks! Yes it's possible to find another therapist but most of them have waiting lists and it takes about half a year until the therapy would start. When I was looking for a therapist by the end of last year I was so devastated that I felt like I needed help just then and didn't wanna wait so I was happy I found at least someone. According to her website she's also specialised in addiction. But I agree, she doesn't seem to know much about it.
@Aellyce: yes I was wondering too, if she tried to challenge me, it's one thing I'll ask her about the next time I see her. I asked her before if we could address my addiction more but she just said it wasn't my main issue and therefore we couldn't.
@hopeful4: thanks! As mentioned above she claims to be specialised in addiction too. And when I contacted other therapists that were specialised on it, they didn't want me as their patient because of the ptsd. It's not many in my area that are experienced with both unfortunately. But maybe I'll have to go to two different ones if my insurance covers for that.
@ScottFromWI: thanks! That sounds like a great find, someone who has the first hand insight on alcoholism herself but also the professional knowledge about it. My plan right now is to confront her about this whole issue the next time and then see how she reacts and then depending on that maybe try and start to look for someone new.
@Ariesagain: thank you! Yes I told her straight away that maybe for an alcoholic like me it wouldn't be a good idea to have a beer with my friends and she just laughed it off and said "yes well your friend could have a beer and you get an alcohol free one" which to me sounds like she either forgot about the addiction or really doesn't know anything about it because I wouldn't wanna drink an alcohol free one either...
@bluedog97: I haven't told many people about my addiction so I can't expect any kind of acknowledgement for not drinking. My boyfriend knows though and cause he's an alcoholic himself he's incredibly proud of me and very very supportive. I guess for people who haven't experienced it themselves it's hard if not impossible to understand. But yes, I expect my therapist to at least know that it's not just done by not drinking anymore but that there's much much more to it and that it doesn't mean the addiction is cured just cause I don't drink now.
@Forward12: yes i see why she thinks it's the ptsd that caused the addiction (although I am starting to have my doubts about that) and why you would have to treat that in order to treat the alcoholism. And maybe I'll try to find someone who's a better fit. I'll give her another chance though. I've tried AA and other groups but I didn't feel comfortable there, I much prefer this forum.
@Dee74: I thought for quite a while my drinking was partly because of anxiety that was caused by my ptsd, but being 4 months sober now, I have to say I don't suffer from anxiety any longer. So that clearly was caused by the drinking. Now I'm a bit in a hen and egg situation where I'm no longer sure what led to what and what was caused by what. Maybe it would be best for me too to get treatment for both the ptsd and the addiction.
@Grymt: I haven't talked to her about it yet but I will when I see her the next time. I hope it's just a misunderstanding but it happened before that she completely forgot about one of my main problems. My main problem the ptsd is caused by getting raped when I was 19 and she mentioned the topic rape as an example to explain something else when I was not prepared at all so she was surprised by my emotional response to the topic and when I told her that it's kind of a trigger since I've experienced it myself she admitted that she forgot.
@hodor: yes it makes perfect sense. I'm in a similar situation. I thought for the longest time that one of the main reasons I was drinking was to cope with stress and anxiety caused by the ptsd. I even told my alcoholic boyfriend I wasn't an alcoholic, cause I only had to drink to deal with my anxiety that would be so bad without the alcohol that it gave me shaky hands. Not because I was addicted, noooo! I honestly believed that though and even he believed me. But now that I quit drinking I noticed how the anxiety completely disappeared. So think the drinking had much bigger effects on me and caused much more symptoms than I thought it did.
@LadyBlue0527: thank you! Like I said above, she played it down and corrected it to me having an alcohol free beer instead. Which I still find an awful suggestion to an alcoholic. I'll confront her about it one more time and then decide if I should start to look for someone new.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
Ok, if she is that neglectful that she doesn't read her notes before appointments she doesn't sound like someone to help you through this difficult time. Though in a way you can use it as a reason to take more responsibility. It's like her neglect is amirror for you to own your own life. part of that may be finding another therapist?
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