Happiness and Being Sober
 

I am 4 days sober - the longest I've been dry in months. However, I know that I will relapse at some point. It is pretty inevitable. Some may think I am being too defeatist, or that I'm too negative. That may very well be the case.

However, the reason I am certain I will relapse is not because of things like cravings or seeing others drink (even though these are pretty significant triggers for me). The reason I know I will relapse is cause I'm very unhappy with a lot of things in my life. And when I 'm thinking about the matters that make me unhappy, my urge to drink is at its strongest. Almost uncontrollable.

Last few days I have managed to keep this debilitating feelings at bay. But it won't last. At some point, my unhappiness will overwhelm me and booze will seem like my only salvation. And I don 't think I 'm strong enough to resist.

This website and the wonderful people here have made me realize that being on the wagon isn't only about ridding the chemical dependence your body has for booze; it is also about healing yourself, mentally and emotionally. And healing myself mentally and emotionally is something I also need to do in order to overcome this thing.

Hi CL. Thanks and welcome. For me there were 2 things. Physical health- so I saw a doc. Depression- both physical and emotional- so I see a therapist- and thru my doc take an antidepressant that takes the sharp edge off my depression.
Daily support is essential for me- so SR. Also AA and SMART. Journaling as well.
There is no quick fix. It takes work and support. Perhaps look around the newcomer's threads -such as class of feb 2017. Keep posting. PJ

Hey, PJ.

Thanks for commenting. Yes, you are right - it takes a lot of work and support. It's very difficult. I think I also need treatment for mental health issues, but unfortunately, services for mental health in my country are extremely poor at best. Not really much infrastructure in the mental health department.

Welcome. Please keep posting. It's good here. Something to feel happy about. Also when not drinking you don't have the effects of drinking to feel unhappy about. Dealing with a great store of misery is very difficult but manageable, entirely doable. All things pass in the end. You'll get there. You're taking big steps in the right direction. Be happy.

Welcome Catlover,

There is a big difference between being sober and being recovered. We all want to be recovered, which is sober and happy. I had many relapses because I was sober (white knuckling it) but eventually I got so miserable I had to drink. Then I found AA and a program of recovery. Once I started the steps I had a spiritual awakening and lost all craving/desire to drink alcohol. Once I broke free from booze, I have become happy and get happier by the day. Becoming spiritually fit has changed my life and probably saved my life from an alcoholic death. I will pray for you and hope you don't drink.

CL- that is where the online stuff can kick in. I learn and grow heaps.

Hi, Grymt

I will keep posting. I couldn't have gotten through the last four days without the support here. You're right about not having to feel the effects of drinking when you're on the wagon. It's great to not have to consume gallons of water every morning because your mouth is as dry as the Sahara.

Yes, you are right about there being a big difference between sober and being recovered. I hope to attain both one day. I'm glad you made it. That's wonderful. Thank you for your prayers.

Is it possible for you to go to an AA meeting?

Unfortunately, no. There are no official AA meetings in Malawi. Closest official ones are in South Africa, which isn't a viable option for me. I have been thinking of attempting to start my own meetings. There are a lot of alcoholics in this country and I know a fair few. But I don't any who seemingly want to change, so finding folks may be a bit difficult.

It helps me to take it one day at a time. I just have to get through today sober. It's awful that you don't have access to AA or mental health, but since you do have the internet, you can do a lot of reading and get a lot of help that way. Not as good, but it's something. Also, do you have any support from anyone? A family member or friend that you can tell that you are trying to get better and need some help? Who knows, you may be the one who starts AA in your town. I'm pretty sure you can read the Big Book online. If so, it talks some about people who have no face-to-face support and how they can find other drunks who need help and form a group together. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Do you have an AA book? To have a meeting it only takes two people that have a desire to stop drinking.

I would be so lost without the internet. Honestly it is a life-saver. This website and others on alcoholism are helping me tremendously. I'll look into "the Big Book." As for family - I have my mother but I keep it from her cause I know it would break her heart. My late father died because of booze, and my older brother is an alcoholic who is not willing to change at all. Like my dad, he's pretty much just accepted it.

Yes, it would be great to create a face to face support group.

You'd be surprised how supportive people are when you open up to them. Also, I believe that all heavy drinkers question whether they are alcoholic or not. The big book helps to define it for the individual. Once I KNEW I was alcoholic and accepted it. I was able to surrender.

I think there's a tad bit of denial in me, as a small part still thinks I can be one of those people who has a couple glasses and then I'm done.

What about online AA? I was researching them myself last week and they do have skype meetings you can sign up for

Welcome to the family. :hug: Don't say relapse is inevitable, it's not. Be determined you're not going to drink again no matter what! :)

there is an awesome part of the big book that talks about this thinking;

from the chapter,"more about alcoholism:"

Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self-deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right- about-face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!

Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums - we could increase the list ad infinitum.

We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try itmore than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition


from the chapter,"a vision for you:"
He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.

there were, and are, many people that got sober by nothing more than doing what the big book says.many didn't have the option of meetings as there weren't any in their area. after they got sober, they started a meeting in their area. that's how meetings become abundant in areas they aren't.

meetings are great, but they don't treat alcoholism. action does.

Unfortunately, the internet here is very, very slow. I grew up in the UK, and I have a lot of friends over there from childhood. I have tried to talk to them in the past on Skype and it has been absolutely hopeless.

Cat,

Addiction doesn't go away easy.

I was going crazy at 3 months clean.

Each time you give in and drink, you reset.

The addiction gets deeper.

If you made it 4 days, you can quit w out any physical issues...imo.

If you keep drinking..at this point...you will get more and more depressed.

You have to suffer for a while...then it turns to discomfort...then you get peace.

Hang in there.

Thanks.