New to recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1
New to recovery
Hello! My name is Aidan. I have been struggling with drinking since I was around 16. My family is very Irish Catholic and drinking is a very normalized part of their lives, but I have grown up witnessing physical, emotional, and sexual abuse stemming from this issue. I have recently developed a violent dependence on alcohol the last 6 or so months, and I have tried to stop cold turkey many times while failing over and over so Im turning here just to communicate with like minded people. I want to recover, and I want to live sober, I just dont see how I can break the cycle and do so from where I am currently.
All is Change
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,284
Wherever you happen to be is where you are and always will be and it's there that you can start the sober life. Don't pick up that first drink, moment by moment, one day at a time. Then like you have contact like minded people and note resources. Learn to deal with what comes after stopping using alcohol to cope. You take the first step. Then the next. Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Queensland
Posts: 568
Welcome Aiden 
You will find lots of tips, suggestions and support here.
I have a few sober tools in my tool box which keeps me on the straight and narrow, this site being one of them. I also try to exercise daily (gets the endorphins going and helps with my mental health a lot).
Have you looked at AA, AVRT, SMART recovery?
My kickstart to sobriety was a 3 week stint in rehab. Scariest but best decision I made as it gave me time to focus solely on me and getting off the booze. I also found massive relief in reaching out to friends and family and finally admitting my problem was uncontrollable on my own.
Prior to November 2016 I could not string 2 days clean together, now I am on 101 days
No matter how helpless you might feel now, it is entirely possible to be free of the booze bus wreck.... you just need to take the first step and then follow that with another step.
You will find lots of tips, suggestions and support here.
I have a few sober tools in my tool box which keeps me on the straight and narrow, this site being one of them. I also try to exercise daily (gets the endorphins going and helps with my mental health a lot).
Have you looked at AA, AVRT, SMART recovery?
My kickstart to sobriety was a 3 week stint in rehab. Scariest but best decision I made as it gave me time to focus solely on me and getting off the booze. I also found massive relief in reaching out to friends and family and finally admitting my problem was uncontrollable on my own.
Prior to November 2016 I could not string 2 days clean together, now I am on 101 days
No matter how helpless you might feel now, it is entirely possible to be free of the booze bus wreck.... you just need to take the first step and then follow that with another step.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: CA
Posts: 1,060
Welcome MisterAidan, If you're a true alcoholic you need to stop drinking or you will die from it. I suggest don't drink and devise a plan to stay not drinking. You've come to the right spot to get support and guidance. Tons of sobriety and resources that can be used to remain sober.
Good luck and keep coming back.
Good luck and keep coming back.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Welcome Aidan,
I'm glad you found us and please know you are not alone. I felt very hopeless and helpless at the end of my drinking days, too. I'm glad you're ready to stop drinking and you will be able to do this. It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before detoxing from alcohol because it's unpredictable. And, it's also a good idea to make a plan to help you along your recovery journey.
I'm glad you found us and please know you are not alone. I felt very hopeless and helpless at the end of my drinking days, too. I'm glad you're ready to stop drinking and you will be able to do this. It's always a good idea to talk to your dr before detoxing from alcohol because it's unpredictable. And, it's also a good idea to make a plan to help you along your recovery journey.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,201
I hope that link worked but just in case it didn't here it is again
Coping with Alcohol Cravings
Coping with cravings is the key to tackling alcoholism. If you can manage to not give in to your cravings, or you can adapt so that you don’t get so many cravings in the first place, then there is no more addiction is there?
How you view your own cravings will determine how much power they have over you. If you believe that a craving won’t naturally go away once it has started, or if you think that the only way to deal with a craving is to drink, then of course you will be fairly powerless over them. This is the cognitive component of your addiction.
Making yourself aware of what things in your life tend to give you cravings, and therefore how you might avoid those situations, becomes a vital skill. For those ‘triggers’ that you can’t avoid, you can learn how to deal with them differently.
Lets say there are four types of cravings:
Each type requires a different approach to deal with it. And each person’s approach will be unique to them.
There are six recognised methods for dealing with cravings when they occur:
Distraction – the goal of these methods is to move a person’s attention away from negative internal thoughts or uncomfortable feelings, towards a more neutral external focus. They seem simple, but can all be effective –
concentrate on your surroundings and describe them to yourself in detail, this can be quite ‘grounding’ when you feel like you’re losing it.
talk to someone, anyone. A trusted friend, relative, your counsellor or even a total stranger if need be. It can help you get away from that loop running in your head.
change the scenery – go for a walk, a drive, a bike ride, just get away from wherever you are right now.
oddly enough, cleaning or other household chores can be perfectly distracting if you’re craving, and you might feel some sense of achievement too.
video games (or indeed the old fashioned kind) can require enough concentration and challenge to take your mind off it, and of course, you can play them alone.
I’m sure you can think of some other things to do which are distracting and enjoyable.
Imagery – there are a few different types of imagery which can work –
command your craving to STOP (see a big stop sign), then refocus on a relaxing location of your choice – a favourite peaceful spot.
if you start remembering good times when you were drinking, then replace that image with the bad times, your lowest ebb when you felt ashamed and disgusted, do you want to end up back there?
if it’s negative, depressing images that are giving you cravings, then imagine an optimistic view of your near future, with friends or family, having fun without a drink (or any other positive image).
if you know you’ve got an event coming up which will give you cravings
try rehearsing the image in your head of you dealing with it appropriately.
Run through the feelings you’ll have so you are not caught off-guard by them.
Rational Responses to Automatic Thoughts – whenever you feel a craving, ask yourself “what thoughts are going through my head right now”. Many of the thoughts you are having will themselves be responsible for your craving. It becomes a matter of responding to those thoughts in a more rational way.
look for evidence to back up or contradict your thought and ask yourself:
Try not to make such catastrophic predictions about your cravings, like “there’s no way I can stand this, so I might as well just drink and get it over with”, “I keep having cravings, so I must be an alcoholic, I can’t beat this…” etc.
Cravings usually subside fairly quickly anyway, so just ride it out if need be.
Activity – if you’ve had an addiction to drink for a long time, then you’ve probably not got many hobbies left. In fact quite often, drinking is the only activity you actually do for fun. So when you try and stop, boredom is the biggest hurdle. There’s no way around it – you’re going to have to try some new activities.
When you’ve found a few that you like, make sure you schedule them in every week:
“On Tuesday I’m going swimming, on Thursday I’m going to the cinema with Sally, on Saturday I’m getting out to the countryside for a walk with my partner.”
It will feel weird to some to plan your week this way, but in the early stages of recovery from addiction, it’s essential.
Relaxation – Anxiety, Anger, Frustration and Stress are amongst the biggest triggers for cravings. So learning some relaxation techniques can be a life-saver. If you’re not so tense, you’re less likely to act impulsively. And if you’ve been using alcohol to relax for years, then you are going to have to learn some other methods. Try these:
https://h2g2.com/edited_entry/A930179
It will take a while to learn these new techniques, as with any new skill, but keep at it and you’ll be floating around on a cloud of calm like the best Buddhist masters – well, hopefully…
Coping Flashcards – when you’re in the grip of a strong craving, it’s hard to think rationally and remember all the things you’re supposed to. So writing yourself some instructions on a small index card can be useful. (This helps tremendously for people with anxiety too). The priority is to convince yourself that you can cope with this situation. Here’s a few examples of things you might write –
By Tobin Hunt, Bright Eyes Counselling http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/
Coping with cravings is the key to tackling alcoholism. If you can manage to not give in to your cravings, or you can adapt so that you don’t get so many cravings in the first place, then there is no more addiction is there?
How you view your own cravings will determine how much power they have over you. If you believe that a craving won’t naturally go away once it has started, or if you think that the only way to deal with a craving is to drink, then of course you will be fairly powerless over them. This is the cognitive component of your addiction.
Making yourself aware of what things in your life tend to give you cravings, and therefore how you might avoid those situations, becomes a vital skill. For those ‘triggers’ that you can’t avoid, you can learn how to deal with them differently.
Lets say there are four types of cravings:
- a reaction to withdrawal symptoms
- escaping from unpleasant feelings (boredom, depression, anxiety etc.)
- a response to a learnt association (people, places etc)
- enhancing a positive mood
Each type requires a different approach to deal with it. And each person’s approach will be unique to them.
There are six recognised methods for dealing with cravings when they occur:
- distraction
- imagery
- rational responses to automatic thoughts
- activity
- relaxation
- coping flashcards
Distraction – the goal of these methods is to move a person’s attention away from negative internal thoughts or uncomfortable feelings, towards a more neutral external focus. They seem simple, but can all be effective –
concentrate on your surroundings and describe them to yourself in detail, this can be quite ‘grounding’ when you feel like you’re losing it.
talk to someone, anyone. A trusted friend, relative, your counsellor or even a total stranger if need be. It can help you get away from that loop running in your head.
change the scenery – go for a walk, a drive, a bike ride, just get away from wherever you are right now.
oddly enough, cleaning or other household chores can be perfectly distracting if you’re craving, and you might feel some sense of achievement too.
video games (or indeed the old fashioned kind) can require enough concentration and challenge to take your mind off it, and of course, you can play them alone.
I’m sure you can think of some other things to do which are distracting and enjoyable.
Imagery – there are a few different types of imagery which can work –
command your craving to STOP (see a big stop sign), then refocus on a relaxing location of your choice – a favourite peaceful spot.
if you start remembering good times when you were drinking, then replace that image with the bad times, your lowest ebb when you felt ashamed and disgusted, do you want to end up back there?
if it’s negative, depressing images that are giving you cravings, then imagine an optimistic view of your near future, with friends or family, having fun without a drink (or any other positive image).
if you know you’ve got an event coming up which will give you cravings
try rehearsing the image in your head of you dealing with it appropriately.
Run through the feelings you’ll have so you are not caught off-guard by them.
Rational Responses to Automatic Thoughts – whenever you feel a craving, ask yourself “what thoughts are going through my head right now”. Many of the thoughts you are having will themselves be responsible for your craving. It becomes a matter of responding to those thoughts in a more rational way.
look for evidence to back up or contradict your thought and ask yourself:
- can I look at this situation differently?
- if what I’m thinking is true, what really are the consequences?
- what is likely to happen if I carry on thinking like this?
- what positive action can I take to solve this problem?
Try not to make such catastrophic predictions about your cravings, like “there’s no way I can stand this, so I might as well just drink and get it over with”, “I keep having cravings, so I must be an alcoholic, I can’t beat this…” etc.
Cravings usually subside fairly quickly anyway, so just ride it out if need be.
Activity – if you’ve had an addiction to drink for a long time, then you’ve probably not got many hobbies left. In fact quite often, drinking is the only activity you actually do for fun. So when you try and stop, boredom is the biggest hurdle. There’s no way around it – you’re going to have to try some new activities.
When you’ve found a few that you like, make sure you schedule them in every week:
“On Tuesday I’m going swimming, on Thursday I’m going to the cinema with Sally, on Saturday I’m getting out to the countryside for a walk with my partner.”
It will feel weird to some to plan your week this way, but in the early stages of recovery from addiction, it’s essential.
Relaxation – Anxiety, Anger, Frustration and Stress are amongst the biggest triggers for cravings. So learning some relaxation techniques can be a life-saver. If you’re not so tense, you’re less likely to act impulsively. And if you’ve been using alcohol to relax for years, then you are going to have to learn some other methods. Try these:
https://h2g2.com/edited_entry/A930179
It will take a while to learn these new techniques, as with any new skill, but keep at it and you’ll be floating around on a cloud of calm like the best Buddhist masters – well, hopefully…
Coping Flashcards – when you’re in the grip of a strong craving, it’s hard to think rationally and remember all the things you’re supposed to. So writing yourself some instructions on a small index card can be useful. (This helps tremendously for people with anxiety too). The priority is to convince yourself that you can cope with this situation. Here’s a few examples of things you might write –
- things are going well with my partner right now, I don’t want to mess it up
- this craving will pass if I just give it time
- I’m not helpless here, what action can I take?
- what are the pros and cons right now?
By Tobin Hunt, Bright Eyes Counselling http://www.brighteyecounselling.co.uk/
Last edited by Dee74; 02-18-2017 at 04:28 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 157
Welcome Aidan, you will find loads of support and advice here. Just keep reading and you will find things you can relate to in every post. I am of Irish descent so I know what the drinking culture is like there, every wedding, funeral or holiday always involved some hardcore drinking that always seemed acceptable. Thankfully I didn't witness the terrible things you have. Perhaps counciling may help you with some of these issues.
I wish you well on your path to sobriety.
I wish you well on your path to sobriety.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,563
Good to have you with us, Aidan. As the others said - you never have to feel alone. That was the biggest thing for me - feeling all alone & misunderstood. You can reclaim your life and begin to heal. Please keep reading & posting.
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