Becoming me
 

70 days sober today and I am so happy! 70 days ago I didn't know what happy felt like.

One of the best things I have gained is the freedom to be me.

I am an introvert, I enjoy time on my own and when I do socialize I prefer just a small intimate group. For years I tried to fit in with the extroverts, going out, parties, big groups, crowded events, late drunken nights. I had to have alcohol in order to do these things because I really didn't enjoy doing them. I did them because I thought I should.

In the end, I was a discontent introvert sitting at home alone getting drunk and telling myself I was living my life how I wanted to.

I am now able to be sober social and enjoy it, say no thank you to events I know I won't enjoy and happily spend time alone.

This is such a gift and I am grateful. Just wanted to share with you all.

xx Scruff

Your doing great scruff,
I'm a lot like you, always drank to make me more outgoing. Your right just be the sober you. It's an awesome feeling. Good for you my friend.

Thank you Mattq,

I never felt 'enough' before but I'm slowly starting to realize that sober me is kinda OK :)

It is a nice feeling to not hate myself.

Congratulations Scruffanie :)

D

Well done and carry on beimg authentic!

Congratulation Scruffanie!

I always considered myself an introvert. I don't much like crowds of people, I'll sit at the table while my wife cruses the room and talks to everyone. Probably because I prefer to sit and drink (And I could get up to the bar a few extra times without being noticed).

One thing I've noticed since sobering up is I am becoming much more talkative (mind you this has been happening at work where I'm already comfortable.). But the small talk and light banter has become easier, more natural.

Yesterday I caught myself using facial expressions and reflected on how I used to be stone-faced and not bothered enough to talk. In other words, my mind was all fogged up but now I'm waking up.

Again congrats on 10 weeks! awesome work.

I used booze to get courage when I was young. I would be more outgoing. I scored a lot of girls while drunk. I don't think I ever scored a girl sober.

So I don't regret drinking. The girls I met are all there, although some blurry, in my memories. That is a good thing.

I quit booze because of health reasons. I was lucky I never got caught drunk driving, or arrested for urinating in public etc.

I have always felt a guardian angel was w me. She is here now, watching over me in my sober years.

These years are turning out pretty good as well. But, it took a lot of suffering to get out of the depths of hell I had fallen into mentally and physically.

The damage i did to myself w booze is branded in my mind.

I am never going back out. If I ever want to meet another girl, i am married 17 years now, I will do it stone sober.

When the topic of cocktails comes up i will say....No ma,am I don't drink. Hate the stuff. She will get the benefit of a full blown sober man.

Thanks.

When I relapsed, I was believing that drinking again would make me more sociable and outgoing. That backfired and made me even more isolated; I preferred drinking alone in the end--less chance of embarrassment and humiliation.

Once I was sober again for awhile, I finally began to accept myself as I am instead of trying to be something I wasn't. I started to enjoy being alone and stopped feeling bad about myself for being introverted. Instead, I've embraced it and it's been a relief.

When I do go out, it's because I actually want to and it's easier to talk to people because I've taken all the pressure off myself. I'll stay for a while and if there happens to be drinking and I don't feel comfortable around that or anything else, I just leave.