He's choosing the alcohol.....
 

Ok, so first let me give you a little background....4 Years ago my marriage ended because of his alcoholism. 6 years ago (2011) my little sister (she was 34 at the time) died because of alcohol-i pulled the plug. In 2009 my grand dad died because of 'DT's after falling down drunk (he before his neck in the fall) In 2002 my father suggested a seizure (because of severe 'DT's) that sent him into a stroke which caused a aneurysm. He survived, but it's nothing of the career military man he used to be. He needs constant care, we cut his food for him, help him pull up his pants when he uses the bathroom, my brother even dresses in his swim trunks and shower shoes to bathe him. I have had a couple boyfriends here and there who drank and I am no stranger to alcohol either....I guys I was 'lucky' enough to see what I was doing to myself and others. Today I will not touch alcohol for anything in this world. HOWEVER......................
I don't know how I got where I am right now. I know better.... But,none- the-lhe-less, here I am. 6 months ago I returned to Colorado to help family members with personal issues (unrelated) When i arrived an old friend and I decided to reconnect. Now, I've literally known this man since I was 5 years old. He'd bring frogs and snakes to my house when I was a kid. We went to school with each other all the way through high school. We are in our mid 40s now. Since the moment we re-met 6 months ago we have been inseparable. I live with him, his grown son, and his elderly mother. We plan to be married in the spring of 2019.
Here is my life altering problem. He is a horrible alcoholic. He's not abusive in any way (except when he's sleeping and been drinking too way much) he goes to work everyday, and is prefect in other way. He brings home a 12 pack every day and can't go to bed until he's finished it. (even if it's not the only 12 pack he opened that day) he knows what's happened in my past....he knows everything about it. He knows how it makes me feel....I've told him what happened with my sister. (she didn't die immediately. I sat next to her for months while trying to save her, and failed) he told me last night that he chose the beer....but he'd 'cry,cry,cry' over losing me. I am heart broken. Should I just pack my **** and never look back? PLEASE HELP ME. I never thought I'd be confused over such a predicament. God help me

(((tia303)))

Play this forward. If this is what you are posting here today, think about what you might be posting in 1 year, 5 years.

You have plenty of experience with this, alcoholism is progressive and he has told you what his choice is. Believe him.

Run.

On the flip side of that, I will run from anyone that gets into a relationship and tries to change me or make me over in any way shape or form.

Your time may be better spent doing some introspection and finding out why you find yourself in a serious relationship with someone you knew was a drinker.

Your choice is to accept someone for who they are or don't.

You can't and shouldn't be the one to change anyone else.

That's codependency.

Is there seriously a poll to see if you should stay or leave?

If you need to ask a forum to decide that for you, do the both of you a favor and leave the relationship

Yeah, I find the Poll a bit disconcerting. This is your life!

Alcoholism is progressive and will worsen unless it's stopped. My advice is to leave and take time to look at yourself and figure out why you chose this kind of relationship, considering what has happened in your life. Use this as an opportunity to grow.

God is about the only one who should respond to your poll. I certainly am not qualified to tell you what to do. I have a question for you to think about though. Do you really want to marry a dying man? Maybe you deserve better.

It doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship..He has already said that he chooses alcohol.

Regarding the poll....I'm just following the instructions on the page....

I think you already know the answer and that is to leave. Alcoholism gets nothing but worse over time and what may seem like just a small issue now, will turn into an absolute nightmare over time.
You've seen first hand what it does to people, move on and you will find someone better.

If it were me, I'd be gone so fast it would make your head spin. He's already said he chooses to drink. Let him go and get on with your life. There's nothing there for you but misery. :(

I came on here hoping my story was 'oh, so different'....but I know better. I think I just needed to hear what I already know deep down. Thank you everyone. You helped me literally make the biggest decision of my life....

Good luck Tia... You are worthy of so much more hun x

exactly what I was thinking, he choose beer over you, I would leave!!!

Sometimes we have to break our own hearts in order to save our lives.

If you stay and he continues you know what the future will hold.

Only you can decide if its worth it. Only he can make the decision to be well.

Run.

I am a 4th gen. alcy. I turned off my alcy bro (watched him die) and woke up in the same ICU bed years later- after dying 3 times from an induced coma (because of burns- booze accident)- to find out my alcy dad died when I was in that coma. My ((then) wife and 2 adult sons ran away from me at light speed from that moment. They needed to for their own sanity- because my insanity was just too overwhelming.
I am sad- I grieve, but I support their decision. I write this with some credibility as I am the first male (so far) to successfully 'get' sober (1 year) from my family in at least the last 60 years. Your safety, life and future means you need to look after you. I suggest you seek some clarification with professional help over your feelings.
Addiction sucks. My thoughts, empathy and support to you.
Logic is so easily overtaken by the heart. What do you think the future would hold for you? A poll does not cut it- you have to make the decision for yourself. You can control you, not him. Keep posting. pj

im glad ya see theres no terminal uniqueness going on.
might want to venture over to the friends and family forum here for some support and guidance through this.

tia303 I hope you stand strong on doing what you know is the right decision for yourself even if it hurts.

And I hope you stick around here, lots of great wisdom to be learned.

My thought is that you deserve a lot better than to be second best to alcohol.

it's stunning how many "reunited after all these years" stories are on this forum and how everyone of them has the exact same issue......