Keeping myself occupied
 

I posted last night on how I can't imagine ever enjoying life without alcohol. I am determined to give it a try. My question is, what did you replace the alcohol with? What activities or hobbies did you start? My idea of a great night is drinking. I need to change my idea of a great time.

I completely changed everything as much as possible. Dinner routines, where I sat on the couch, I've returned back to uni, I read a lot more, I make sure I'm more present for my boys every day, take my dog for walks instead of relying on the kids to do it.. as much as I can change I've done. I'm only 6 weeks sober this time so I'm still not going out to lunch or dinner as often as I did as I don't want the carrot to be dangled!!!
It's great that you're thinking ahead... good luck xx

Hey, myluckyday! Welcome. You can do this! I am pretty young in sobriety, so I'll let others suggest more...but I wanted to point out the very excellent "stickies" at the top of the Newcomers forum. For instance I'm pretty sure there is one called something like... "Looking For Something To Do?"

I also highly recommend Urge Surfing. I hope someone posts the link, as I don't know how.

Personally, I had to plan in detail alternative activities...to cover my whole evening...and I START off key trigger times with something I really want... A taste of chocolate, or a text with my best friend, or a post here on SR...once I do something so pleasant that I won't avoid it, I can usually take a walk or make dinner, INSTEAD of going for a drink.

This can take some time, but it happened naturally for me after 6 months sober.

I guess my take on life was that it should be a great time, primarily for my amusement. This was a bit self centred. Life isn't really like that, an endless stream of entertainment to keep me amused, to keep me happy, to keep my instinctual drives satisified. Yup there was something wrong with that way of thinking. It is kind of alcoholic.

My ideas had to change, but it was more out with the old and in with the new. Life became less about what I could get, and more about what I could contribute. My idea of a really great time now is to see someone else get some positive benefit out of something I have done, even better if I don't get found out.

You're right Gottalife. I have to change my way of thinking. Stop making it all about me and push the spotlight on something good that I can do.

Well, if I were truly enjoying my life while drinking, I would just keep on drinking. I think the issue there at least for me, was that any "joy" for me was just a lie to myself. Drinking brought me misery of some sort each and every time. There may have been the short-lived elation/buzz that alcohol brings initially, but it was short-lived. So, that leaves me only one option for joy and that is without alcohol. So what do I do for fun or joy? I can do everything else. Drinking limited me. I personally find that exercise and healthy eating are not just something that help, but are necessary for me to have "joy" and manage stress and anxiety. There are a million things one can do in life when not limited by an addiction. I can't really recommend as I don't know what you might be interested in doing. I guess I would just say get out and become involved in life.

Why did alcohol mean having a great night? What else transpired when you drank that made it a great night?

It has gotten to the point that it is all I look forward to. Everything else pales in comparison. If I'm going to the movies or a concert or whatever, I always try and plan it so I have time when I get home to still drink. It's just crazy when I actually admit this and read it.

Here are some good ideas:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

"that it is all I look forward to. Everything else pales in comparison"

^^^^
This is the alcoholism. It deadens your interest in everything and anything after a while. Nothing looks as interesting or fun unless it involves alcohol. The more, the better.

I stayed away from drinking long enough to figure out that there were things I liked to do without drinking. That alcohol wasn't the solution to all of my problems. That alcohol didn't enhance my joy in any celebrations. All it did was numb me.

In the end I didn't do anything OTHER than drink. Alone. There was no joy in that.

I feel you.


Can you think of anything you have always wanted to learn to do or learn more about?

everyone is different but I found out in sobriety that I love to cook and bake for other people! I love to go to the gym too and do a lot of different classes.

Like other people have said in this thread alcohol numbs you so much you forget how great life actually is! I am sure you had some interests and hobbies you gave up when you started drinking heavily. Maybe try to rekindle some of those to start but it is fun to learn something new too. Volunteering is great too ...maybe join a church or some other community thing is another option.

Welcome to the Forum Myluckyday!! :wave:

Thank you!!!

Anything. Art

I would say perhaps change the idea of trying to "replace" alcohol with something else and looking for something that gives you a similar experience or similar motivation. We addicts often trade one extreme with another and that does not resolve it.

I engage in activities that are tied to subject areas I am interested in and also like to find company via those. I think it's so easy these days to explore things given the accessibility of information and possibilities for trying things. For me, one major source is related to my work/career that I love and some of it I can do also on my own at home (need to do a lot of writing, for example), whenever. Reading books and articles. I love learning new things: take classes, go to museums, read up on whatever piques my interest. Art is a major one, too. Movies. Many people love some form of exercise. The mere act of developing healthy routines and habits. Starting and executing new projects. Simply working on practical chores and things that need to be done can also be rewarding.

Also, many people experience depression while drinking and in early sobriety - if you feel that's an issue for you (and might underlie lack of motivation), it may be a good idea to seek help for it. That reminds me, I did a lot of psychotherapy for ~2.5 years in sobriety. I found that very stimulating and engaging, far beyond the direct interactions with the therapist. I also love to have stimulating conversations with interesting people, either just for the sake of it or while doing some activities together.

I do think it's important to find activities in sobriety that are pleasurable rather than just doing what needs to be done but there really are no limits as to what these might be except not engaging.

The outdoor island/BBQ sounds delightful!

I'm never bored, so don't have any advice for how to overcome it. I usually have a lot of little projects I'm working on...and if not, I am always reading some sort of book. Currently reading a book about Benedict Arnold of all things. I love historical stuff.

Cooking can be a passion and quite fun. Plus you are getting a "twofer" of making something good for yourself. We are what we eat; that is sooooo true.

Tonight's menu:

Caesar Roasted Chix Breasts (new recipe),
asparagus,
artisan bread.
Ginger ale and cranberry juice mix to drink.

I don't snowboard; sort of envy those who do. So enjoy the snowboarding.

I was a night-time drinker. Like Nic233 I had to completely change my evening routine, including avoiding the couch and TV and having my dinner in the study reading SR.

I started going to the gym or for a run every single evening after work.

I would fix a simple healthy meal after. I made a lot of lists of things I wanted to accomplish - little projects at home, for example.

I kept my place neat as a pin (something I neglected when I drank) and so in the evening there was often some little chore to do that made me feel satisfied and productive.

I usually went to bed early and read a lot of recovery literature or motivational books in bed - in the early days, I found myself falling asleep early.

As for going out to places in the evening where you'd normally drink, it would be a good idea to take a break from those events for a while till you build your sober muscles.

Early sobriety is a great time to take stock of yourself, learn about yourself, reflect on why you're an alcoholic and make plans for the next few months of recovery, on which you can build your sober life. It's important work.

There will always be an opportunity to "have fun" but in my experience it was better to focus first on my sobriety and then open up to the world of socialising gradually as I learned about the new sober me.

I wake up at 0430 and spend an hour at the gym before work every single day, I go twice on weekends. The idea is to fill time and be too tired to feel like a drink after work. Also cooking in the evenings, cleaning the house and going to bed early.

Fill the void left by leaving alcohol. It's the only way. Plus AA is a good way to socialize and support others, these forums also.

Good luck.

Ben.