Nowsthetime

Hi:

I had a glass of champagne with my husband on my vacation so now I can't celebrate my year. I had 1 and stopped but I'm still disappointed. We had a good time and my husband was happy but it's stupid of me to do. My AV is telling me it's ok to have a glass every once in a while, specially if it is once a year, or only on vacation, but I know it's not. It's a lie! We had people over on Friday after coming back and I wanted some booze. I didn't.

I'm disappointed but I made my decision and I must post to be accountable... I did have access to SR and that helped.

Up and on. I had a good time and I wasn't hungover but it really wasn't worth the 1 glass... it never is.

Arghhh, no year for me...

mfanch

Thank you for your post. We need to hear that it isn't all of the sudden great out there.

I know you say it wasn't worth it, but I think a slip can be a powerful teacher. My last relapse was the best thing that happened to be. It definitely squashed the idea that I could drink normally. It wasn't about the drink I had as much as it was about the THINKING that went with it. Ugh.

I knew then that I really had some brain rewiring to do and got A LOT more serious about it!

Thank you again. :-)

Ariesagain

Yes, but you still have what, 364 days?

If your AV is like mine and you're also a perfectionist, like I am...my AV wouldn't let that one alone because it would beat me up about my "failure" relentlessly. I would finally give in because I "failed" at perfection.

Don't do that. You can't go back in time. You said your husband was happy...because you drank? If so, that might need addressing, because it will come up again.

Onward, yes? You may have opened the door a bit, but you can slam it shut, lock it, board over it, sheetrock it, and paint it.

entropy1964

Hey good for you for owning it and not negotiating. The negotiation is what your addiction wants and you're shutting that down. And congratulations on a very long run.

I know for me even a small slip up can bring that obsession screaming back. It sucks. I don't know if that has happened for you, or if you even view it that way, but just keep shutting it down.

Midwest1981

great job on posting here the truth. There have been times when I slipped up like that and still kept counting my days and didn't tell anyone. Then later because I wasn't honest I end up relapsing for a few weeks.

It was a mistake but you slammed the door shut and were honest about it. Now you can continue on your sober journey. no one is perfect!

Nic233

I admire your transparency and honesty.. well done on so much sober time..xx

Bunny211

Thanks for your honesty. I would be worried that I would take a drink...and nothing catastrophic would happen...so I'd think I was ok...and then I'd start a rapid decline and end up in detox and rehab all over again. Don't let your mind tell you that you can drink. Start anew today!

ScottFromWI

Your honesty on the matter is a good sign nowsthetime, good idea to come here and share and seek help. Perhaps a good next step would be to focus on your recovery plan and see what you might change or add. It's apparent that you are still having some thoughts that drinking is "OK" in small amounts, even if you know it's not. What could help you eliminate that small window of opportunity you are still leaving open for your AV?

IronPhoenix

Dust yourself off and get back at it. Your AV will always be there laying in wait, the key is not to get complacent. Like Scott indicated, what coping skills or changes can you implement to keep you on top of the AV?

August252015

Agree with the others- rigorous honesty is so critical.

Scott offered great thoughts.

Now, your new year begins- make it the last start!

MLD51

I think this is one of the main things that keeps me from thinking a drink would be ok now and then. If nothing bad happened the first time, I'd figure maybe I could handle it. I've seen many people blow months, years, even DECADES of sobriety in this exact same way, and sink into an even worse state than ever before.

I'm glad you came here and that you were honest. Rigorous honesty is key to sobriety, IMO. Start again now. You know how to do it. Add something to your plan so that if that occasion arises again and you think it'll be OK to have "just the one" that you can say NO. NOT WORTH IT.

Upstairs

I think you have had a good year of sobriety overall!

Nowsthetime

Thanks everyone. Part of me wanted to not post and let it go, but that wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be a year. No one would know, but I would.

It's hard with my hubby. He knows of my journey and we have had LOTS of conversations about it. His support comes and go. I'm happy to have all of you and I'm happy that I came clean for myself. I have to be honest for this to work.

The thing about the 1 glass... for what? I want the whole bottle. After I stopped I kept a dialogue in my mind that I had already blown it so meme it worth it. It's exhausting to have all that mind gymnastics. I am so happy sober, best decision of my life. I will keep on going and modify my plan while in vacation and in general.

I don't know what happened. I just caved to my hubby. Grrrr!

Anna

You're doing great, and just continue focusing on the positive as you are and you'll be fine. Being upfront about what happened is important, but remembering how good you feel when you are sober is also important.

Nowsthetime

I have been thinking and it seems to be a pattern. When I first quit I went 13 months then I drink then a couple of months went by and I drank then after about six months And the same again. Long periods. Interesting how nothing bad happened so Friday when people were here I wanted to drink. I thought about being sneaky about it too...

Arghh.

Julia8

Great job on so many sober days and stopping after 1!

bloss

Thanks for the honesty...I struggled for years with being upfront about my drinking....helps to get it out in the open...keep going one day at a time...sobriety is worth it

Dee74

Welcome back

I had lots of friends and family who couldn't see the harm in me taking a drink - some still can't - but they didn't see me 4 weeks later still on the same bender...

they just can't understand alcoholism - but they don't have to.

You do.

It's the first drink that gets us, not the last.

D

Sober369

So glad you were honest about it! I sure hope it doesn't continue, and that you don't start having cravings. Maybe it will be an easy lesson learned!

Hevyn

Nothing can take away the progress that you made. When I ruined my 3 yrs. sober I went back out for years. You stopped at one drink - and now you're back with even more determination.