beta04

I am new to this particular side of recovery and I need help.

I have continuously put myself in situations with an alcoholic/drug addict hoping things will change. I am aware that only HE can change if he really WANTS to.

Here's the thing, he is great and does not drink or use for two months then right at three months his demons take control. This leads to lies, manipulation, blame, mood swings, abandoning responsibilities and so much more.

We started hooking up April of 2016 and I had been around his drinking clearly observing that when he does drink he drinks till he passes out, is incoherent and/or it leads to substance abuse. It wasn't until August when I had clearly realized his problem is not just alcohol but narcotics as well, cocaine to be specific (Alcohol is his main get down). I am a recovering cocaine addict and that is how I "clearly realized" his using (signs of runny nose, mood swings, constantly blowing of the nose). To be transparent I have never witnessed him using with my own eyes. It was just today that he finally admitted to using. Obviously, we had another situation occur just last Friday (third month demon) leading up to his admittance. Last November I clearly said to him my bottom line is I am out if this happens again. And this is that time. However, I feel stuck.

Why I feel stuck? We live together. I am currently on SDI and due to my financials am unable to move out right away.

PhoenixJ

Do you feel stuck because you are in recovery and he is not? To be successful, surround yourself with successful people. Active addiction in him is dangerous for YOUR recovery, which needs to be your main focus- not his abuse of booze and drugs. Perhaps remove yourself from him. Seek support with NA- for partners/friends? There is a section at SR as well.
You need to feel and stay safe. You need to be on a level playing field to succeed- for you.
Be careful and keep looking. What ever you do- do not drink or use.
My thoughts and support to you. PJ

Midwest1981

Can you get help from the county to move out? Maybe an apartment for low income?

Welcome to SR.

beta04

I did move in with him knowing this about him. Also Knowing I cannot change him only he himself. I feel stuck because my finances are not quite there yet for me to be able to move out for a few months. I agree with you, his addiction is dangerous for my recovery and this is why I need to get out of his place. I needed to hear your reply for encouragement and support. Thank you for your suggestions.

beta04

Now that you mention it, I will look into it. Everything that's happened is still so fresh. It's hard for me to think clearly so thank you for thinking clearly for me by offering your suggestion.

Anna

Welcome Beta, I agree with checking out any possibilities that exist which could help you get out of that situation. Is there a friend or family member that you could stay with for awhile, just to escape the situation?

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Beta!!

Dee74

Yeah it doesn't sound a great situation for you Beta - no matter how many times it happens a year or how good the good times between binges are.

I wish you success following up on those ideas others gave you

welcome to SR

D

beta04

The only family that knows about my current situation are my brother which lives in TX, my parents and cousin. I have not reached out to my parents or cousin just yet because I feel stupid for putting myself in this situation time and time again. I need to let go of my ego and just ASK for help because family is family and they will be there to help me...Thank you for your message.

beta04

Thank you for your support and kind words!!!

beta04

I spent time with a girlfrined of mine today and she helped me look for apartments as well as do research on government assistance. If its one thing I have learned from the program is to do the footwork and thats what I need to do to move forward.