First post - please be kind?
 

This is my first post, so please be gentle with me?

I am very scared.

I am 58, and looking forward to retirement, as I have a horribly stressful job. I always expected to retire at 60, which is when women in the UK used to get their state pension, but in my case has risen to 66 without reasonable warning.

I have spent the last ages trying to save for the shortfall; but the stress is getting to me, and doesn't help me with my drinking.

When I am at home (eg over Christmas) I can easily cut down/cut out the booze, and so far have had no withdrawal symptoms.

However, after work, everyone goes out drinking pretty much every night, and it is so easy to join in, and so difficult to say no, as it alleviates the stress and helps to bond with the team, to make the daytimes a bit easier.

I am worried that I am not going to live to enjoy the retirement I have worked and saved for. I have smelly and discoloured urine (sorry, TMI), a distended tummy, and sometimes (not always, but now and then) puffy ankles, and my appetite is virtually non-existent.

I feel that if I can get to 60 and leave the toxic environment that is work, I will be ok; but only if I haven't caused major and irreversible damage beforehand. I really want to have time left to enjoy retirement, as I have worked since the age of 16, and have so many things I want to do.

I have been a drinker (first social, then more - the usual pattern) since my 20s. The only real breaks were during my 2 pregnancies in my 30s.

I'm not sure what the question is; but please don't just say 'see your GP', as he is a family friend, and this would be impossible for a number of reasons.

Thanks for bearing with me if you've got this far. I'm not expecting hand holding instead of a reality check; but I have written and deleted similar posts a million times before taking the plunge and actually posting.

You're having abnormal symptoms, you should see a doctor. See a different doctor if you don't want to go to your friend with it.

Sue - I think you'll find this a supportive, encouraging place. We've all felt concerned about our drinking & have come here for advice & suggestions. We're in this together. :)

I was older too when I began to panic about my drinking habits. I was in very bad shape - drinking every day. The best thing about SR for me was no longer being alone. I had thought I was so unique - & that no one had my thoughts or feelings. Knowing I could discuss things openly with those who understood made all the difference to my recovery. I was able to find the courage & strength to stop - after 30 yrs. I believe you will too. Welcome!

Hi and welcome Sue :)

I find it easier and easier to find like minded (non drinking) folks the older I get.

It's pretty much not an issue now when I tell folks I don't drink - and Australia's not that different to UK.

Do you work with young people?

D

Welcome to SR,Sue. Glad you found us.
Work was very stressful for me as I approached my 60's. I developed a problem with alcohol in my late 50's. I believe there was a direct correlation with stress at work and my accelerated consumption of alcohol.
Thankfully, I found my out of that mess. Stopped drinking. Made it to retirement age. Done and dusted.
It sounds to me that you are ready to makes some changes in your life. How about instituting some sober nights? Say no to the gang once in a while. Tell them you are beat and want to go home to jammies. They will accept it if you say it enough.
And if they don't, tough. It's your life and your. Health.
The symptoms you describe could be from alcohol. Could be something else. Not a physician, so I can't speak to it. Only way to know is to get a workup. Maybe another doctor, not the family friend?
Good luck going forward. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. It's a pretty supportive group.

Sue...your story is so much like many here. We sure understand every bit of it. I'm with Maudcat. START NOW taking care of your health by cutting back. If that proves difficult to do, you'll know more about your own condition. And SR folks will help you find your way, in any case.

Good on you for having the courage to post! :)

A visit to a doctor would be my next step because quitting drinking is hard enough without worrying about health issues. Plus I always feel so relieved after the visit even if I have to go for a follow up - it feels good to have taken action.

You will save tons of money by not drinking, add it up, you will be suprised! You are right, your health is very important. You want to enjoy the retirement you have worked for, and that you deserve. Go get a work-up. Put down the drinks and lose that tummy. I lost 35 pounds not drinking.

So many positives; more money, healthy body, fun retirement and the amazing liver and everything else that recovers so nicely when we give it a chance. Glad you are here!

at 41 my liver enzymes had risen that my doctor called me in (after routine bloodwork) we are not UNAFFECTED by alcohol. it will kill you if you don't make some changes.
sorry.
i needed and continue to need reality checks so there you go.
i'm in aa. now. and I'm determined to live one day at a time without alcohol. i don't want my liver to go and i don't look good in yellow.

SueDenim,

You can turn your life and health around right now. I was almost your age when I got sober. I had done a lot of damage to my health and was worried it was irreversible. I put off seeing my doctor because he was also a close friend. I was just too embarrassed. But I'm glad I finally saw him. There was no judgement . Only love and help. In short time I reversed whatever liver damage I had done through sobriety, clean eating and exercise....and today I am healthier than I've ever been .

You can do this Sue.....Feel free to message anyone here if you need to .

This.

SueDenim, I'm a 52 year old woman and also looking forward to retirement.

Listen to your body - I did. Was diagnosed with fatty liver two weeks ago and haven't had a drop since. I have help through medication and counseling. As long as I stay this course, my liver should heal itself and I will live through a long and happy retirement. If I don't, I can look forward to a short and miserable retirement. I know which one I prefer - what about you?

My liver count was way out of wack 2 years ago too at the age of 37... I recently had it retested (and it's now the high range of normal) so obviously my periods of sobriety over the past year or two have helped.
I'd be finding a new GP ASAP and getting some medical advice.. xxx

SueDenim, way to go on posting instead of deleting yet another post!

you'll find lots of support here, but...support for what? you didn't mention if you actually want to quit entirely?

maybe you're exploring?

The human body is a miracle! If you quit drinking now, the quality of your health will change dramatically & you don't need to walk in fear.

It is hard to consider if you think it is a choice between valued friendships & alcohol. Humans are social creatures! Nobody wants to lock themselves away & get healthy all alone.

Take small steps. Try a night where you go hang out after work & don't drink. Just consider everything a fascinating experiment! It actually is fascinating!

I just turned 50. I want to be healthy & strong for many more years! I have to be healthy & strong to continue working, or my life will be just work & resting to be strong enough to work. That is a lonely life. That was my mother's life for her last ten years (she was an alcoholic).

58 is not too old. But an active alcoholic at 58 is pushing their edge.

Start with one night free of alcohol, then two, then three. I believe you will start to see changes in how you feel, & will want to go further.

Start committing to some activities that are not about drinking. Make just one or two new friends with whom you do not drink.

I met friends who don't drink at AA, & - frankly - they put true energy into friendship & have become very important to me!

The physical symptoms you describe are concerning. Listen to your body! It really wants to be strong.

It's great that you posted, SueDenim, welcome! :grouphug:

That's a very valid concern. Please take care of your health. Stopping drinking can only help with that. You will be pleasantly surprised at the health benefits and relieved that it isn't as scary as it seems.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. A close friend of mine kept counting years and then months till retirement from a very stressful job and planning all the things she'll do then. She bought and started furnishing a place in a different state, talked about the things she wanted to do... An illness halted her plans almost overnight and she wasted away in less than a year. :( Sorry for the morbid example if that's not what you need right now. I just thought I'd share, as she often reminds me to live life now and make the most of today.

Best wishes, and keep posting!

Hi Sue,

Welcome to SR!! I'm glad you are here. I stopped drinking at 45, after spending a few years prior alternating between periods of sobriety, and failed attempts at moderation. I have been sober for over a year now, and feel better both physically, and mentally.

I also used to think that unwinding with a few (too many) glasses of wine was a way to deal with the stress of work, kids, life. I felt constantly anxious, and drinking actually increased that anxiety.

Sounds like starting to plan for retirement would be a good way to start spending your free time. Maybe you can sign up for a class, start hiking, go to the gym, something to keep you busy during the early days of sobriety.

I completely understand not wanting to see your family friend. However, he/she may already have some idea about your drinking, and would absolutely want to make sure you are healthy. But if you are not comfortable discussing your drinking related health concerns with him/her definitely see a different doctor. If nothing else you will leave with a clean bill of health, and won't need to worry unnecessarily.

Looking forward to seeing you on here!

Thank you so much to all who haven't simply told me to see a doctor. If only it were that simple :happysad:.

I know that I need to make an effort sooner rather than later. I have decided to have no wine at weekends, and to take your advice about gradually cutting back on nights out during the week.

It's early morning here, and I am getting ready to go to work; but will check in later this evening - thanks again for your advice and support.

Welcome sue :) I. Im in the UK too and can sympathise with your situation regarding retirement. My partner is in the same position thoiugh he has only increased from 65 to 67. It's a lot when you are tired and in a stressful job.

I hope you can stop drinking. My stress levels reduced hugely when I stopped. What I thought was easing stress was actually causing it.

I can only speak for myself but I do think that those of us that suggested you see a doctor are only saying it out of concern (after you listed some medical problems that you've been experiencing) SR is a supportive and caring place and although you might not get the advice you've hoped for, it's from a good place. I'm not going to give you any advice on how you approach your drinking habits as I'm still on my own journey but I wish you well, and I hope you post more on here... There is always someone around when you may need to chat or reach out. Sending love Sue xxx