Kcey

Hi went to enroll at the gym but can't start till our induction on Tuesday. Went for a bite to eat after and got a bit adjitated. Didn't say anything but I knew to get home asap. Now at home and I feel ok just going to have coffee and m gems. I don't feel as anxious as yesterday, obviously still think about it quite a lot but don't feel as bad. Your support helps so much . I felt elaighted this morning but feel somber and reflective this evening, I will just accept these feelings and wait for them to pass calmly. Does that make sense

ljc267

Yes it makes sense. It took me longer to come to that conclusion, so it sounds like you are doing well. I would worry and worry, and was very up and down for quite a while. One moment great and 10 minutes later anxious.

Kcey

Yes that sounds like me too I worry about everything all the time. I have learnt to be upbeat apparently as a defense mechanism it can be waering. That's why I like it here nobody expects anything of me, I've been reading all I can about abstinence for months it's just a matter on putting it into practice now but day 5 and I'm ok / that's the best I can do for now/ I hope to be as strong as you and support others in the coming weeks hopefully

ljc267

If you would have spoken to me 3 months ago you wouldn't have said that. I was a mess physically and mentally. It took me a bunch of time to get where I am now, and I still struggle. It is getting better everyday. The hardest thing for me is patience. I have to realize it took years of drinking to get where I am, so it will take time to recover completely.

You are off to a great start. Just be patient and stay the course,

Kcey

Your reply made me smile - that's so me too I think I should have the body of an athlete and the face of a model by day 5 but the years of abuse this poor body has put up with I am grateful it gets me out of bed in the morning. Three months that's impressive I wish I had 3 months under my belt but 5 days ago I didn't think I could do 3 so I will strive to always be 3 months behind you

Kcey

soberandhonest

Hi Kcey. You might already be doing this, but with 5 days under your belt it may be time for you to think about putting together a detailed recovery plan. It might not seem like it now, but before long, you are going to wake up one morning and realize that you have made it through the withdrawals and started to change your habits. When you do, you will probably have a "what now?" moment.

I found that a written recovery plan has been extremely helpful in keeping me motivated, providing some accountability to myself, preparing me for the inevitable time of extreme stress, and recognizing that getting sober is just the initial step (albeit a very big one) in recovery.

I highly recommend that you take time to draft up a written recovery plan tailored just for you. Here is a great link providing some information on recovery plans: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html.

Great job so far! You have a lot of folks cheering for you from all over the world. Keep posting.

Kcey

Wow thanks so much, I'm just going to sleep now but I will study this properly over the weekend- I have no plans so this will be of great interest thanks

WenRiver

Oh, yay! And thank you for the inspiration! I am wallowing a bit today and reading about your experience is quite the elixir.

"Hi went to enroll at the gym but can't start till our induction on Tuesday. Went for a bite to eat after and got a bit adjitated. Didn't say anything but I knew to get home asap. Now at home and I feel ok just going to have coffee and m gems. I don't feel as anxious as yesterday, obviously still think about it quite a lot but don't feel as bad. Your support helps so much . I felt elaighted this morning but feel somber and reflective this evening, I will just accept these feelings and wait for them to pass calmly. Does that make sense"

And, yes, that definitely makes sense. Accepting the discomfort is a huge part of the process for me. I mean, NOT accepting the discomfort is part of why I drank (to create a buffer between me and uncomfortable feelings). You accomplished quite a feat today: experiencing a setback (not being able to enroll at the gym) and then finding an alternative (going out to eat) and finally, recognizing the need for self-care (coffee and candy). You are truly amazing.

WenRiver

You are strong, my friend. Look at what you accomplished today: DAY FIVE!

ljc267

I'm glad I could help in some way. It's a little over 4 months btw, but who's counting, lol.

gatorman

Welcome and congrats!!!

WenRiver

Yes! Great idea! I actually created a journal -- every morning, I write a recovery affirmation. I meditate, using the affirmation as a mantra. Then, I write about the mantra. In the evening, I write about whether I felt like drinking, what the trigger was, whether I drank, and what I did instead. Then, I reflect on the mantra again.

I do not drink, but I sometimes DO feel like drinking, and for me, it is important to know what the trigger is. It is bizarre how often "boredom" fits the bill!

I also create plans in my journal, especially when I am going into stressful, triggering, or unknown situations. This plan can include non-alcoholic alternatives, setting aside time to meditate, escape routes (!), and FOOD.

I actually went out to dinner with my father recently -- our dinners have been SATURATED in wine and whisky. The hardest part for me was dessert. Ever since my mother died almost 10 years ago, after dinner my sister and I would order Irish coffee in honour of her (she had one ONCE with her own sister and was such a rare drinker that MY sister and I turned it into a tradition. I know, it doesn't make sense. Alcoholic reasoning ...). Anyway, this time, I had to seriously plan for the whole experience but especially for dessert. I decided I still wanted to have my damn fancy coffee. I ordered a decaf in a tall glass mug with whipped cream on top. When it arrived, I reached into my purse and brought out a pouch with chocolate sprinkles and a bottle of chocolate bitters nestled inside. Moments later, I had my fancy drink and it was sooooooo delicious! I actually think my mom would have preferred that, since she was not a drinker.

Having a plan and a structured writing process has really helped me prepare and cope during times of stress.

Thank you for the suggestion and the links, soberandhonest! And for this: recognizing that getting sober is just the initial step (albeit a very big one) in recovery.

WenRiver

Oh! I meant to add that you are already supporting others. As I mentioned, I was wallowing (and wobbling!) today. Your actions and self-care supported my efforts and I feel stronger and far less self-pitying and wavery. Thank you!

soberandhonest

Hi Kcey. Just checking in on this Friday morning. How are you doing?

Kcey

Hi, I’m on day 6. I'm good at the moment
You are such an inspiration
I have to tell you my dream very quickly.
It was about Polar Bears having gangers (traffickers) who put up the PB’s in igloos for free, fed them (homelessness, a big worry for me, not for me, but in our winters seeing people sleep outside worries me) the PB’s had to cross humans under a treacherous cave that was still an ocean with a terrible current, otherwise a bridge would have to erected this would damage the ice caps. The humans had to pay the gangers a high price for this. I was one of the travellers who paid the gangers but decided to go without a PB, half way through the current waters a PB reached out to me, but the PB was weak and drowning I had to help him cross, I was worrying if this was a trick and then woke up.

Kcey

Just had to get that off my chest for some reason

soberandhonest

That's quite a dream! I'm glad that you were able to save the polar bear! Really vivid dreams is very common in early recovery. And it's a great part of sobriety. Great job on 6 days sober! Keep reading and posting here.

Kcey

That's good to know - I've downloaded all the information you suggested, I'm going to work on it at the weekend- I have just been the supermarket for food and really pleased didn't even look at the alcohol - I'm home now so can relax / this will be first sober weekend but I am in a good head space , I know this is in the short term so I need to make a plan for next week- I can't stay in bed eating m gems forever can I

Kcey

Still feeling really tierd when it gets to this time in the evening just want to watch tv and switch off may start feeling more energetic when we start the gym on Tuesday- looking forward to it but glad to be tucked up tonight