MidnightBlue

Hi, friends.

Usually when I start a thread I try to make my original post structural and logical.

This time it's gonna be different.

I am going through crazy times (again).

I feel like I am losing my ground and experience crash and resurrection of my beliefs several times a day.

I am having hard times at work and I am amidst big financial issues - just two name my major stressors.


My thoughts and emotions are all over the place.

I am 4 years and almost 4 months sober, and drinking is out of question, but recovery spreads out so much beyond just not drinking.

Every day we recover from something - minor and major wounds, physical and psychological. It's ongoing process.

I've noticed that when I start slacking on a certain set of habits, it's getting harder to bounce back from life punches.

I remember when I had about 1-2 months sober I was freaking out 'How I am going to celebrate New Year or Birthday without wine", How I am going this and that.".

The motto "When it's time to deal with it I'll figure it out" proved to work perfectly well.

And somehow I forgot that it is efficient not only in case of dealing with alcohol, but with life issues in general.

Long story short, this thread is going to be a little bit crazy - little bit of this and that. Just what's on my mind.

To keep me grounded in the most sane place in this insane world.

Feel free to add your share of craziness.

Thank you all for listening)

least

Don't have much to share but a hug.

I've been depressed lately and my dogs and cats help me save my sanity. Walking the dogs, and just interacting with them helps me so much. They stabilize my world.

MidnightBlue

Thank you, Least.

Always can use a good hug from SR friends.

Pets are great, I agree.

Gilmer

MB

I'm kind of vacant today, too, but one thing I've always admired about you is your sheer determination to fight your way out of the utmost hopelessness.

I know I'm like a broken record, but try to get some sleep--and if you can't sleep, just lie still so your body can rest.

MidnightBlue

Thank you, Gilmer)

And I've just found this quote by Mark Twain. My, he was a wise man

“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.”

The neighbors the floor above me have started sorting out their relationships again in a quite loud way. Sheeesh.

Dee74

I still love "everything will be OK in the end - if things aren't OK, it's not the end"

Delizadee

Hey MB
Just home this weekend from 6 weeks of family treatment so my thoughts are all over the place too, yet my brain seems about a million miles away, so I feel you a bit there...

Job and finance triggers I get that too.
What popped into my mind was do you practice yoga? We did SO much work on deep breathing, grounding exercises and mindfulness in treatment. I have terrible anxiety that is a bit better with meds but the grounding and deep breathing exercises have really, really helped.

I also highly recommend Tabasco brand Spicy Chocolate.

Jeni26

Hi MB.

I'm sorry you're struggling. You are truly one of THE strongest people I know. Strength for me is when someone moves forward every day despite having fear and anxiety. You don't just hide away, you seek out solutions, you come here and you share about it...and because of that attitude, you are now 4 years sober.

No hiding in the shadows for you. No running to the bottle.

You are amazing.

I know you will get through this latest struggle. You always do.

Love and hugs ❤️

ReadyAtLast

Sending you hugs xx

saoutchik

Sending positive vibes to you MidnightBlue. You're a mighty smart girl and you will get through this

Mklove

I am so grateful I know it can be done and you keep proving that. Good vibes going your way.

wpainterw

Midnight! Yes, you sound like one tough person! Keep it up. One day, one step at a time. I'm thinking about those soldiers in WW2, "grunts" they called themselves, plodding relentlessly on. chewing gum, wisecracking, complaining, many of them fearful but getting the job done. The immensely powerful force of a group of ordinary folk, supporting one another, never giving. up. Leaving their mark. "Kilroy was here" Recovery is a battle with oneself . Get as many involved in that as you can. We're here with you. It's an honor and a privilege. Depend on it.

Bill

Venecia

I cannot say it any better than Dee!

PhoenixJ

My mind palace has a monopoly on loony, crazy land. Thoughts which left unchecked reek havoc at the most inconvenient of times- like always. All I know to do is ground- you know mindful breathing, meditation (I am wearing a t-shirt right now that has my interpretation of this wise practice in my life- 'nez'. When I get a dog, that will be the name). I remind myself that now is now- the past has gone and since the future is never now- that cannot hurt me either (within reason). Works sometimes.
Namaste-

LDT

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wDYOenLmVTg#

This always helps me. Sending light and love MB.

melki

Neat quote! As a skilled worrier, I can relate a lot.

And this:
"When it's time to deal with it I'll figure it out"
this doesn't come naturally at all...

I always found it unfathomable how Scarlett could "think about it tomorrow". How can you think about it tomorrow when it's such a huge question to ponder and worry about today?? I remember thinking that even as a teenager when I first read it.

When I find myself overwhelmed with things to think/worry about, sometimes making a list helps...

Best wishes for things normalizing and feeling at peace soon!

MidnightBlue

Thank you, friends, for your great responses!

I've overslept today, and skipped my morning meditation.

Running late - seems like I subconsciously do everything possible to provoke conflict with my boss.

Not good, of course.

See you later)

Berrybean

"I've noticed that when I start slacking on a certain set of habits, it's getting harder to bounce back from life punches.*"

I sounds to ensure that those 'habits' are pretty much your integral to your recovery work, so if they're not written down as part of your sobriety plan, perhaps they should be. I'd suggest finding a way to reinforce making those habits a bigger priority in your life. As we say in AA, our program of recovery 'works if you work it. So WORK IT. You're worth it.'

If you knew someone who has an illness that required them take medication each day in order to feel better, what advice would you give them if they stopped taking their medication regularly and then said they felt poorly? For me the simple and obvious answer would be, "well, take your darned medication!"
For some illnesses that last a lifetime (like alcoholism) the medication needs to be as regular and ongoing as the illness. Sure, we might get fed up with doing the work at times, but that's just tough to be honest. We just have to do what we need to do to stay well, whether we want to do it or not. The other options are either an unhealthy sobriety, or losing our sobriety, neither of which are desirable outcomes.

Wishing you all the best for your sobriety and recovery. BB

MythOfSisyphus

Keep on keepin' on, MB! We're at almost exactly the same sober time and registered about the same time, so I kind of feel what you're talking about. Once the novelty of not being a drunk wears off there's still a lot of life to live and new problems to tackle. Just remember how much easier they are to deal with sober!

Gilmer

How are you doing now, MB?