Dee74

It's not easy but it is possible.
SR wouldn't be here if it wasn't possible.

It was hard but drinking was hard too - trying to keep all the balls in the air, keeping up appearances, hiding drinking, having to work incredibly hard to meet deadlines, making excuses when we couldn't meet deadlines or meet obligations...dealing with the guilt and shame looking at the face staring us back in the mirror.

You need to go into this with the mindset that you can change. You have the reins and you hold the power.

part of you really wants you to forget that - it wants you to see yourself as weak and the task as too big...it wants you to see change as agonising and hopeless...for obvious reasons.

D

STDragon

Great job, great family, good income. I'm lucky enough to have a job that I love. I've work for the same company for 31 years. No reason to quit, I was handling it. - This I told myself very often and it enabled me to continue.

You've made drinking your second career. And your full of conflict over it. You know what's best but fear is holding you back you feel stuck. But you can change, you need to proof that to yourself.

5upersonic

I quit at 41 having drunk heavily since my teenage years. My whole life was literally soaked in booze, home, work, everywhere. That was 7 months ago and I feel sure I will never drink again. The first few weeks and months were hardest but it can be done and it really does get easier. I am now hopeful for the future and respect myself. Never thought I'd say that.

You can do this. Read up on here, there's loads of help and support.

redfalcon

Hey elnotcho, like allot of others here, I identified with your story. It could almost have been my own. I knew I was powerless over alcohol and an alcoholic, but I struggled with the pride thing, and admitting that my life had become unmanageable. That was this disease working on me and making lies/excuses for me to keep drinking.

The longer I am sober, the more I see that I was not managing life anywhere near as well as I thought I was. The other big thing is that alcoholism is a progressive disease, things WILL get worse and all of the things you haven't lost YET will be in jeopardy. You need a plan of recovery mate. You have already admitted you cannot do this on your own, as did I and most others on here. Good luck, and keep coming back!!

STDragon

Pride is a big negative factor. It's what held me back. I had to stop on my own and prove I could do it before admitting a problem. Now I kick myself I could've have done this long ago.

elnotcho

I feel guilty for coming back here because I haven't changed. Still heavily drinking almost every day. I can tell myself to stop while inebriated, as I am now. But when I wake up, those thoughts will be gone. I will go into survival mode. Make sure know one knows I'm hungover. And my job is constant stress. End of the day, start the process all over. It would be so much easier if alcohol never entered my life. I chose to do it at an early age. I really don't blame the substance. I blame myself for not being more careful, especially my considerable family history of this problem. When you're a kid, you think nothing can get you. So wrong. I'm terrified for my nieces and nephews getting to that age. My Dad, who had his mother and father taken by alcoholism was right and I didn't listen. So I'm here just trying to figure out a way out of this. I feel like a rotten son. He's my best friend and I didn't allow him to help me. It's a different world when I wake up tomorrow, and my shame and guilt won't be there to the extent that it is right now. The commitment to make a change is something that I have eluded on purpose. Disrupting the status quo is something that I'm afraid of. How do I make a living if I can't do my job by taking a month or two off to get well? It's one of the only things I truly enjoy doing, that I value, that makes me feel good. I'm sure that looking back on my drunken state will baffle me as to why I didn't make a commitment to quit sooner. But when you're in it, it's very hard. Thanks for your support.

Grymt

I really cannot remember what that's like. I just know that once I was like that and today I'm not. I think what happened is that I changed my relationship to my feelings from being in them to being aware of them. Perhaps something like that is going on.

Dee74

You can be like me and keep drinking until it becomes all too public and you become unreliable, your reputation goes through the floor and you lose your job....

Unfortunately thats not even a worse case scenario...

it's virtually a given for most of us, if we keep at it for long enough.

It's much easier to quit the earlier you decide to make the commitment.

You can think of a million reasons to keep drinking, - I did.
But deep down everyone of them was tied to fear and to what ifs.

Recovery - the actual doing - was a lot less scary than I thought it would be.

In fact by the time I stopped it was a lot less scary than my drinking life.
The problem with waiting until that point is that that not everyone makes it....

Bottom line - you're here for a reason.

You know you need to quit - you can do it the short easier way now before you lose too much....or the really really long and teeth gritting praying not to die way later.

It's not much of a choice...is it?

D

MsCooterBrown

Yeah see...this could be my story with a few tweeks. I understand. I am still in the struggle as well. I too, had an extremely high pressure job with deadlines to meet. I mean...there were days when I think I may have still been drunk from the night before. I thought of it as being badly hungover. I amazed myself at the hoops I jumped thru. I couldn't possibly be alcoholic and pull off all the daily deadlines and stress...BUT I knew inside I was a fake. I liked to tell myself only a few people knew...the truth...I think everyone knows! So long story short...I retired. I deserved it. I gave it my best for a LOT of years. I started young...I retired early... So now what...people have to look at the NOW WHAT....I think we need to get sober...set some goals...and move forward. We drink because we are never good enough...we drink because of fear....I still whip the shower curtain open just to make sure no one is waiting in the tub to slay my @ss....Time to stop.
We don't all get second chances. Let's grab this before it is too late....AND...glad to see you posting. Hope to see more.

STDragon

"But deep down everyone of them was tied to fear and to what ifs." So true. In the last few months before I finally stopped, my challenges at work changed and I gained some big new responsibilities. I was using the extra stress as an excuse to drink more. I remember telling myself I need the drink to relieve the stress so I could face the next day. I couldn't have been more wrong. It was a month or less after I quit that I realized there was no stress. It was all fear that I couldn't handle the change. I was so wrong, it was the booze and not my stressors all along.

STDragon

" I can snap in a heartbeat "

I'd really like to see you succeed elnocho before something bad happens. How old are your kids?

STDragon

Hey Elnocho, come join us over at the weekenders thread.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post6351671

BD84

Wow this thread is great! I used to bring a 6 pack home but hide the pint of vodka in the garage. Each morning I would swear never again then head to the liquor store every afternoon. Rinse and repeat every dang day.

There probably will be withdrawls when you quit. Sleep will suck but in the end you will be so much happier. I now have control and alcohol dosent control me. Never been happier!

MsCooterBrown

Three days later...how ya doing??