Livebetter11

Hello peeps, I just signed up here because I think it is time for a change. I've been drinking and smoking weed regularly since I was 18. By the time I was 20, I drank and smoked every day. I'm 32 now still doing the same thing. Sometimes I tell myself that I got it all under control because I work out a lot and try to eat healthy. But I just drink about 5 beers + a little bit of Vodka on weekends and about 3 glasses of red wine during the week.

I want to stop drinking during the week or maybe just one glass of red wine and less on weekends. Has anybody managed to reduce their drinking (and/or smoking) and how do you manage to resist on a daily basis? I really want to change my life, but I just can't stop...

Dee74

Hi livebetter- welcome

I think everybody wanted to be that person at one time or another.

I could never manage it. The torture of trying to moderate when what I really wanted was to drink to oblivion was horrible.

I've found not drinking at all is much easier - and I find I like who I am and what my life looks like this way too.

Have you tried cutting back before? How did it go?

D

OpioPhobe

Every time that I tried to moderate I got my ass torn up.

least

I couldn't moderate my drinking cause I drank to get numb. Like Dee, I found it easier to just not drink at all. And also like Dee, I like my life sober a hell of a lot better.

Livebetter11

Thanks for responding guys. I've tried drinking less during the week a few times and I stuck to it for a few days, but then drank the whole bottle of red wine again during a weekday night randomly.
People have told me that I should try to stop completely as opposed to cutting back, but it just seems so impossible.
How did you guys do it?

dwtbd

Welcome aboard.
The day I stumbled on SR, the day I was so sick of promising myself and others that I was done drinking and thenfailing to live up to that promise , I found about AVRT/RR. There are great threads on those ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum.
I realized that it only seems impossible, because I was letting the addiction convince the real Me that quitting was impossible . I accepted the fact that it was entirely possible to never drink again and made the decision to never drink again and never change my mind about that decision.
What are your plans about future alcohol/drug use ?

DesertTraveler

Welcome to SR.

Sounds like you are drinking too much at those levels. Moderation works for some people, but for most is just an excuse to continue abusing alcohol. And then, after you've managed to moderate (if it works for you), you often start going back to the heavy drinking or worse. At one point in my drinking career, for instance, I convinced myself I would only "have a few" on weekends.

Ha

That didn't last long. And when I drank on weekends, I drank like a bloody pirate. Overcompensated for all the nights I didn't drink. The cravings built up.

Not saying this would happen, but it is a slippery slope...

Good luck.

Livebetter11

Thanks for directing me to the Secular Connections forum. I've just finished reading the AVRT Explained (long) post.

It makes total sense. That's the state of mind it takes to stay sober. I was training to become a professional athlete during my teenage years and I can completely relate to this mind trick.

Unfortunately I still like alcohol and weed too much to think like that. I would just want to cut back and enjoy a joint and a beer or a glass of wine every once in a while. I just don't want to do it all the time.

I know you might say this is impossible. This part in the article is very true about part of me. "The part that loved the pleasure of drinking, the taste, the buzz, the numbness, the euphoria and the rest." Drinking and smoking weed is pleasant and I can't change that fact.

But to do it everyday to the point it affects your emotions and productivity... that's the problem. And right now, I don't feel powerful enough to change that. Not sure what could help me to get more into the AVRT/RR state of mind.

Thanks again for your message and for telling me about this.

MariahGayle

Tried & tried to moderate my drinking many, many times.....doesn't work for me & finding peace & happiness in not drinking......Love the freedom I have without it. Glad you are here & posting, you will find much support & encouragement!

Delilah1

Welcome toSR!! I am another one who attempted to moderate my drinking and failed miserably each time.

Being sober is so much easier than the moderation game, and I feel. Ever physically, and mentally.

SR has been my primary support, and reading and posting here daily helps me.

Glad you found us!

Livebetter11

Thanks for all of the encouraging messages, guys! I really appreaciate it. I'm curious about what it was that helped you get into this state of mind of not wanting to ever drink again. I mean after developing a drinking habit, something must have happened for you to want and be able to make this drastic change.

SnazzyDresser

Quitting isn't impossible, not at all. It just seems that way right now. Lots of people here on SR have been sober for years and are thriving as a result. That can be you too!

dwtbd

Finally acknowledging the fact that it is a drastic change. Not necessarily one specific event, more like the cumulative effects of living with, bargaining with, the idea that it is/was a drastic change and not changing. Tired of waiting for the drasticness of the change to go away, realizing that hoping it would change without action on my part would mean it would just continue and the consequences would just continue to pile up and worsen.
Realizing that indulging my Beast's desire( loving the buzz, which btw my Beast still loves and will always love) was costing me too much in mind, body and soul. And for what? What did I ever gain from even one drinking session? What can/could I ever gain from incountable sessions strung together, all the cumulative effects of years of indulging, for what?
The fact that it is a drastic change, is something I wish I hadn't ignored( or tried to ignore) for years. That drasticness is the rub, yeah?

dwtbd

To add to the above , since I decided to quit , I have yet to regret not drinking or smoking weed yesterday. My Beast is somewhat flummoxed, IT loved to use the regret/shame/worthlessness I felt the day after to destroy my resolve, by pointing out that I didn't 'have any' , so why keep 'pretending' I did. Truth is I do have it, I got it by deciding I was done , IT could go to hell. IT loves the intoxication, I don't miss IT's enjoyment, IT told me I would, IT lied. Always did, always will.

HTown

Why not stop drinking for say 6 months? See how you feel? Try to develop new habits that do not include alcohol.

AlaskaGirl

Hi Livebetter and Welcome!

I also tried to moderate for years. I studied AVRT and like you, I recognized it as a powerful tool but wasn't ready to pull the plug on the possibility of future drinking. I cut down using the technique but my drinking escalated to binges when I would drink because once I had those first few all bets were off.

What finally changed for me was the realization that I could never be happy trying to drink moderately. What my addiction wanted once I had a few was to get sloshed. I got so tired of the fight. It was consuming me. Once I accepted that I could never drink like a "normal" person making my Big Plan to never drink again, and never change my mind, was a huge relief. One thing that helped get me to that place was reading the sticky forum "excerpts from under the influence" at the top of the Alcoholics forum on this site. It helped me understand the science behind my lack of control when it comes to Alcohol. I'm not a bad person, I don't just have a lack of willpower. Alcohol triggers chemical changes in my brain. The only cure for me is to not drink at all, which is totally within MY power.

You can do it if you want to. What it comes down to is you have to get to a place where you want the benefits of sobriety more than you want to get drunk.