New member, not sure if this is the right place
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1
New member, not sure if this is the right place
Hello, i am just signing up here, however i am not exactly in recovery nor do i have an issue with my drinking. I am here hoping that maybe i can get some guidance, tips, suggestions, ANY type of helpful information for my girlfriend.
It pains me when i hear how she is only happy, when she is drunk. she is a single mother who has had a very bad past with deadbeats her entire life. Her drinking has now become an issue where her children are starting to see this {which is a daily basis of drinking a 12 pack alone, outside, by herself** I have never really encountered this problem before, or even seen anyone have to go through this. But I am lookin to do whatever it takes to help her overcome this issue of feelings she is having that she is just not good enough for the world, unless she is drunk. i apologize in advance if this is the incorrect forum.
hope to hear some positive responses though soon. Im in it for the long run, just need to know where to look for finding her a solution.
It pains me when i hear how she is only happy, when she is drunk. she is a single mother who has had a very bad past with deadbeats her entire life. Her drinking has now become an issue where her children are starting to see this {which is a daily basis of drinking a 12 pack alone, outside, by herself** I have never really encountered this problem before, or even seen anyone have to go through this. But I am lookin to do whatever it takes to help her overcome this issue of feelings she is having that she is just not good enough for the world, unless she is drunk. i apologize in advance if this is the incorrect forum.
hope to hear some positive responses though soon. Im in it for the long run, just need to know where to look for finding her a solution.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Welcome, JayoH65!
I am sure if you read around and post here a bit, you will come to have a greater understanding of alcoholism.
Speaking as a recovered alcoholic, I can say that there was nothing and no one who could have stopped me from drinking until I personally made the decision to quit. The pleas and needs of my spouse and even children were not as powerful as my addiction. I have seen this theme repeated many times here at SoberRecovery, especially in the "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" section of the forum.
I hope you stick around, because there is a lot of support here.
I am sure if you read around and post here a bit, you will come to have a greater understanding of alcoholism.
Speaking as a recovered alcoholic, I can say that there was nothing and no one who could have stopped me from drinking until I personally made the decision to quit. The pleas and needs of my spouse and even children were not as powerful as my addiction. I have seen this theme repeated many times here at SoberRecovery, especially in the "Friends and Family of Alcoholics" section of the forum.
I hope you stick around, because there is a lot of support here.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Cincinnati
Posts: 103
Welcome!!
It's like that old saying "You can lead a horse to water but it's up to them if they will take a drink". Same thing goes for addicts of drugs/alcohol only they can help themselves we can give them all the information and tools and support and advice but only they themselves have to really want to get clean and sober. I would suggest you take yourself to meetings for loved ones of addicts it will help you understand and also they will give you great information and tools for you.
It's like that old saying "You can lead a horse to water but it's up to them if they will take a drink". Same thing goes for addicts of drugs/alcohol only they can help themselves we can give them all the information and tools and support and advice but only they themselves have to really want to get clean and sober. I would suggest you take yourself to meetings for loved ones of addicts it will help you understand and also they will give you great information and tools for you.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,705
You are smart to seek help. I agree with Coldfusion in that you will never change your gf. On the positive side you will gain alot of knowlege and read alot of stories about alcoholism here. The mind of an alcoholic is selfish, manipulative, deceitful and distructive because it is all about drinking to satisfy one's self. I hope you find the "tools" you need to be able to take care of your own life/future until your alcoholic gf faces hers.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sorry for what brings you here.
Until your girlfriend decides to quit, there isn't a lot you can do. Sorry if that's not the positive response you were seeking. And if she keeps drinking, it will only get worse. So don't paint yourself into a corner by saying you are in for the long run. No one has to sign on for misery.
You can only change yourself. Please visit our Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum. Lots of folks who have been in the same spot as you. They have a lot of experience to share and support to lend.
Originally Posted by JayoH65 
hope to hear some positive responses though soon. Im in it for the long run, just need to know where to look for finding her a solution.
You can only change yourself. Please visit our Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum. Lots of folks who have been in the same spot as you. They have a lot of experience to share and support to lend.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 105
I'm new here, but I think I can add to this discussion.
If she's anything like me, and she sounds like she is, she needs to figure out what's bothering her, work to improve her self esteem, her coping skills will improve and she won't to use alcohol for comfort/strength/piece of mind.
Perhaps counseling. It's hard to quit when you don't feel worth it deep down. Add the effects of alcohol and it's a complete, depressing disaster.
If she's anything like me, and she sounds like she is, she needs to figure out what's bothering her, work to improve her self esteem, her coping skills will improve and she won't to use alcohol for comfort/strength/piece of mind.
Perhaps counseling. It's hard to quit when you don't feel worth it deep down. Add the effects of alcohol and it's a complete, depressing disaster.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
As others have said, her desire to quit needs to come from within. You mentioned she's had a rough past, and some bad luck, maybe that's why she drinks so much and needs some professional help to get to the root of that problem. Wish you the best.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
There's really not much you can do for her, other than expressing concern over her drinking. If she's drinking that much, how can she care for her kids? 
I would suggest getting support for yourself. AlAnon is a good group. And the friends and family forum here is very helpful.
I would suggest getting support for yourself. AlAnon is a good group. And the friends and family forum here is very helpful.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
As others have said, your girlfriend will have to make the decision to stop drinking and find a way to do it for herself. You can find lots of support here for yourself here at SR, and also at AlAnon in your area.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Welcome JayOh 
Newcomers is a forum for everyone so it's not the wrong place. You might want to also check out our Family & Friends forums too though - lot of support there as well
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
D
Newcomers is a forum for everyone so it's not the wrong place. You might want to also check out our Family & Friends forums too though - lot of support there as well
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 106
You are in the right place Jayo. This is a good community of people and there is a forum here for friends/family of alcoholics you could check out, as well as a lot of other good resources that should help!
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