Linz805

So I'm past 7 months now and feeling strong in my sobriety. I have had the same sponsor since getting sober. We have become close and speak every day. I have worried about my sponsor before when she said she almost drank and wasn't feeling well. She made it thru and everything was ok. Today she was coming to a meeting but didn't show. Got a text two hours later saying she had not been okay and sorry she missed me. I haven't heard anything since. It's really thrown me off because I've had the same routine with her since getting sober. I am not sure what to do. Maybe seek out a new sponsor that may be More stable? I haven't been thru this yet so asking other peoples experience!

Anna

I have no advice for you as I'm not an AA person, but try to stay focused on your own recovery and hopefully your friend will be okay.

Marie0101

My first reaction is that you obviously have a bond with this person and overall the relationship sounds positive. What if you supplemented with other supports/call or meet up with other members and build up a real support network so when this happens you don't feel off kilter?

Linz805

She has played a big role in my sobriety. I am not going to drink over this or anything. I have no desire to go back to that life. Maybe I shouldn't jump to conclusions but this is the 2nd time I have been concerned. I am not sure that's normal with a sponsor. We are all human though

Linz805

Yes I agree. I have been shy and still don't have friends but I have had coffee with a couple of girls trying to form relationships. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow where there are some women there I love!

Scruffanie

Hi Linz,

That's a tough one, I'm newer to AA and sponsorship than you so I am no way experienced in the advice I offer.. I can only suggest what I might do.

You are obviously close to your sponsor... Close enough to ask her if she is OK and if she is talking to her own sponsor? Maybe also gently ask for honesty re. her ability to be there for you atm? If need be you can discuss the option of a temp sponsor for you while she has some space to work on herself if she needs it.

Your continued sobriety has to be a priority for you so doing what feels right in that respect is a very good idea and help your friend in whatever way you can without putting yourself at risk.

Linz805

Newer or not that's very good advice! I haven't messaged her again. I have been giving her some space today. I am not one to pry into people's lives unless they come to me but I will need some questions answered at some point. I'm going to keep on keeping on until then.

Mountainmanbob

Be there for her as she has been there for you.
Takes time to realize -- it actually works both ways.
My sponsor often says, "that I help him to stay sober."

You could ask her if she needs to step down as your sponsor?
But at the least -- you will always be her friend.

Our goals -- maturity in sobriety -- helping others.

M-Bob

Linz805

She has told me before that I do help her stay sober and that makes me feel good. I will always be here for her. She helped save my life. I let her know I am here to talk when she needs to.

Doug39

If you do not feel comfortable with your current sponsor look for another one.

A few weeks ago a guy at an AA meeting gave me a number of a guy that he thought would be a good sponsor for me. I called the guy and we went to a meeting together. He texted me the next day inviting me to a meeting but I couldn't make it.
I asked him to text me the next time he goes to a meeting. That was 3 weeks ago and I haven't heard from him.

I feel funny trying to contact him now. Today a guy at an AA meeting gave me his number so he might sponsor me.

I don't know where I am going with this - I guess you never know what will happen or how things will play out.

Linz805

Your right about that! We definitely have to get used to change especially in the program. People come and go all the time! I hope you find a sponsor! It always helps to get one your close with but they are essentially there to help you get thru the steps.

Gottalife

Why aren't you sponsoring? The program is very clear that ultimately helping others, rather than being helped, is the key to permanent sobriety.

tomsteve

what i caught is a sponsor saying they almost drank.
to me, that isnt recovered- someone who hasnt recovered from the hopeless state of mind and body. recovered means
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned.
more on that in the 10thstep promises.

is this sponsor guiding you through the steps,which is what a sponsor if for? what step are you on?

Linz805

I am almost done with step 4. I haven't been rushing to get thru the steps as fast as some and I also dont get pushed to do them. I do want to make progress there and that has been on my mind.

Linz805

Well I guess my time hasn't come yet for that. No one has asked me and I am hoping to advance more in the steps before I tell someone how to work them. Until I become a sponsor I still do my part in welcoming new comers, give my phone number out and ask newcomers if they want to go to a meeting with me and offer support.

AnvilheadII

you could "share the message" with your sponsor. she is not your BOSS, you are both walking the road.....you've leaned on her.....maybe she needs to lean on you a bit?

Forward12

It's hard to say if perhaps they were just having a bad day, or perhaps slipped and is feeling very down about it, especially being a sponsor.
You can speak with them about it, but don't hesitate to speak with others as well. It's great to have a support system, but don't get too attached to one person as we're all going through the same mess.

Linz805

Yes I will certainly do that when I can get ahold of her!! I'm self centered like most alcoholics but I do have a heart and I am here for anyone who needs my help. I have reached out a few times today. I will see what tomorrow brings.

Linz805

Thank you! This is a lesson I am learning thru this whole process. That is why I reached out here as support. We all need multiple resources.

DontRemember

Sorry..I'm new to AA BUT, I've heard of countless sponsors becoming the sponsee, or even worse drinking themselves to death..even on this site, I've seen that. It is a life long affliction. People make mistakes.