enfinthechange

So, today I caught 2 of my friends planning a night out, but not telling me as i'm not drinking ... no point in me going I know...but still. They are mums at school so I will always see them, and we used to go out every few months for a night out...they both drink a lot!

Also....

I told my best mate at work I was still sober...she was taken aback and confused and asked odd questions... I felt very defensive and was a little aggressive in my answers...she said she simply couldn't do that as she is a brewer as well as a teacher. It disturbed me for days. She has no kids and all kinds of time, drinks most days but maybe not as much or damagingly as I could. She just loves beer, no problems. ...

If my life is so set out in its pattern due to work, (where everyone drinks ), school mums (where most drink) family (where most drink) and home life which is sober...where is the chance for new friendships? New things to do.....

My husband is also sober .... but seems so far away as his job is so time consuming tough, drinking was what we did together to bond, for 22 years... so now we just don't bond, or talk much.
I feel like I am turning to white knuckling now, not welcome sobriety. ... I know I don't want to go back, but feel I secretly maybe do despite the fact I don't. ... ALERT AV ALERT...I now why it's happening , but how to move past this.

Plus I'm full of cold and aches again.. no energetic, bouncy happy sobriety for me, just slow , grinding, ill , challenging reality

Moan moan moan moan...sorry guys but no one else to talk to. ...... it's a blinkin pity fest here, and I know it's nothing compared to the woes of the world and awfulness of some situations. ....

thomas11

I appreciate you posting, I am not of much help with the gals at school. But I can chime in on my relationship with my wife, its different, maybe even boring. We talk a little bit each day, but I used to "drive the bus" when I was drinking because I'd ratchet up the atmosphere around here. I don't do that anymore. I think she's ok with it, she'd prefer quiet over me drinking.

ps. I would say they are still friends, maybe just respecting your decision.

Anna

Early recovery involves a lot of changes and it's not easy. I didn't tell anyone I stopped drinking because I felt very fragile and knew I would not be able to deal with comments. Do you think it might help to step back from those people and situations, at least for awhile until you feel comfortable? As far as making new friends, I was blessed to get involved with a volunteer opportunity that brought me in touch with some amazing women.

Jojay

Your advice to the OP is sound advice to many of us in this and similar situations.Many thanks

enfinthechange

I haven't really told anyone it's for good... it hunk they high tail it away asap. ...it would get awkward ...I've already ducked a 40th weekend planned for April in Blackpool with a small lie. ...
I can't get away from the people unless I move and change job... so I gotta make the most of it!

enfinthechange

The good news is even with all this ruminating, I don't want to give in an drink...I can't see a benefit, just a road to sh$tsville ... and I'm almost 100% sure I believe myself! Progress from the other times I have quit!

tomsteve

"I now why it's happening , but how to move past this. '
heres something that helps me

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.
When I am disturbed,
It is because I find some person, place, thing, situation --
Some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me,
And I can find no serenity until I accept
That person, place, thing, or situation
As being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober;
Unless I accept life completely on life's terms,
I cannot be happy.
I need to concentrate not so much
On what needs to be changed in the world
As on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

enfinthechange

I guess that's it, be me and then see what they do... as long as I'm me! I think they liked he drinking me as I bolstered their ranks and reaffirmed their lifestyle choices... now I am a deserter.

I got to be me, hope I'm in here somewhere!

Berrybean

There are plenty of other sober people about. Many of them in recovery. Why not try going to meet some of them. Your local AA meetings might be a good place to start. I wouldn't be without my lovely friends that I met in the fellowship. Sure, the meetings aren't all about socialising and having fun, but once you start building your sober network there would likely be a few people who you get on well with and who you would enjoy meeting outside the confines of the rooms.

Honestly, i was so suprised to find that there is loads going on other than just drinking. I just didn't notice it when i was wrapped up in my drinking culture.

PhoenixJ

Welcome. Moan away. Pity-festival's are always well attended (mate). (:-)>

enfinthechange

Thanks berry... might give it a whirl...

And phoenix. ..correct as ever... not sure why I feels so crappy. ..illness is one thing...but no think it's that things are changing. ..people have found out and they don't like it! Sober me they don't know about yet... neither do I though really!!!

Dee74

Hi enfin

By the end of my drinking, I was surrounded by people who drank like I did...many of them reacted badly, or oddly, to me quitting and many of them drifted out of my life or I drifted out of theirs.

I knew I needed to stay sober - I was grateful for the second chance - but I resigned myself to being a friendless, sad, stuck at home recluse.

In fact what happened was I reconnected with old friends I'd moved away from when my drinking became my focus...and I made new friends doing things like volunteering as Anna suggested.

My life has never been so social as it is now. The fears you have about what sobriety and sober life might be like are AV fuelled.

Trust me - none of us would stay sober if we thought we lost out on the deal.

Have a little faith - it may take a little time, but everything will work out ok

ps hope you feel better soon
D

enfinthechange

Thanks dee... I am hopeful it will settle and new things will occur. ..it's difficult with full time work and 2 children to imagine where the time or new people will come from, maybe they will ! I just got to be patient, not a strong point! !! No instant gratification any more ha!
People on here instill faith in me for a sober life...