The new sober me-not sure I like her
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
1. Give yourself some time
2. Being myself? Yes that can be scary because I've been so busy trying to be someone else, or becoming what I thought others wanted me to be, that I'm not sure I'm ok just as I am. But I certainly won't find myself in the bottom of a bottle.
3. If your Bf isn't comfortable with you being you, get a new boyfriend. Or better yet, be single for a while, focus on you. And helping others.
4. Ultimately, truly, who really cares what others think? And btw, this may come as a shock, most people are so preoccupied with what you think of them that they aren't thinking of what they think of you! And at the end of the day, if you are being true to this new self that you're becoming, being true to your values, who cares what others think? I have to tell my daughter 'hey not everyone is going to like you or think you're awesome. Who cares? Do you like everyone? Of course not'.
Take time, be good to yourself. Know you are exactly where you should be. You were made exactly as you are for a reason.
2. Being myself? Yes that can be scary because I've been so busy trying to be someone else, or becoming what I thought others wanted me to be, that I'm not sure I'm ok just as I am. But I certainly won't find myself in the bottom of a bottle.
3. If your Bf isn't comfortable with you being you, get a new boyfriend. Or better yet, be single for a while, focus on you. And helping others.
4. Ultimately, truly, who really cares what others think? And btw, this may come as a shock, most people are so preoccupied with what you think of them that they aren't thinking of what they think of you! And at the end of the day, if you are being true to this new self that you're becoming, being true to your values, who cares what others think? I have to tell my daughter 'hey not everyone is going to like you or think you're awesome. Who cares? Do you like everyone? Of course not'.
Take time, be good to yourself. Know you are exactly where you should be. You were made exactly as you are for a reason.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
I know how you feel... it might be your self esteem is low after being bolstered by drink for so long. ... I don't think i can be as boisterous or funny (loud and annoying) sober...that may be a good thing! I guess it takes time, quiet reflection and thought to realise and reveal what the hell is underneath the drinking shell!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"Scared to know what kind of person I maybe sober? Anyone else feel the same? "
23 ish years of drinking, I had absolutely no clue who I was, but I did know what I was- an alcoholic suffering from untreated alcoholism and I absolutely hated what I had become. I thought I was a hopeless,helpless, useless,worthless egomaniac with low self esteem. I thought I was a bad man- the day after my last drunk I was no longer in denial and looking at my past and seeing how much damage I had done to myself and those around me.
but I learned I wasn't a bad man, just a sick one.
and started getting into the solution.
through working the solution, I learned who I was, learned to love who I was, and became comfortable in my own skin.
that took T.I.M.E.=
Things I Must Earn.
23 ish years of drinking, I had absolutely no clue who I was, but I did know what I was- an alcoholic suffering from untreated alcoholism and I absolutely hated what I had become. I thought I was a hopeless,helpless, useless,worthless egomaniac with low self esteem. I thought I was a bad man- the day after my last drunk I was no longer in denial and looking at my past and seeing how much damage I had done to myself and those around me.
but I learned I wasn't a bad man, just a sick one.
and started getting into the solution.
through working the solution, I learned who I was, learned to love who I was, and became comfortable in my own skin.
that took T.I.M.E.=
Things I Must Earn.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I would rather be the person I find myself now nearly 5 years sober than the person I was when I drank.
I hated myself when I drank.
I let people down. I was unreliable. I was moody. I was irritable. I lied. I was not a good friend, sister, employee, daughter or whoever else I should have been.
Sometimes when I am at 'functions' or parties (which is about 4 times a year so not at all often. I am old, I work full time, I am a single mum, I like being at home in joggers!) I will see someone who drank like me.
It makes me cringe. I can hardly look. It is a massive reminder of why I don't drink.
I also think it actually takes a lot of guts to say 'I don't drink' and then listen to the outrage from others and resist the 'just have 1, you can have 1 brigade'.
Yes I am not the most exciting person to party with, I get that, I accept that label.
There is little to get carried away with when all I will drink is diet coke, but.....................I will be the best friend, mum, sister, daughter, employee, aunt, shoulder to cry on, appreciative loving, fair person you will ever know.
And thats because I don't drink.
I will back my friends and family always. I will never let anyone down if I can help it. I will be supportive to those I love. I will take interest in the people I love.
I am not weak or insipid because I don't drink.
Drinking made me weak and insipid.
Drinking also made me weak, ashamed, guilty and dull. There is no duller person in my book than one who spends all weekend in bed suffering from drinking too much and vowing never again to drink then doing it all over again the next weekend.
Don't be scared.
I think you will like the sober you much better than the drinking you.
I wish you the best xx
I hated myself when I drank.
I let people down. I was unreliable. I was moody. I was irritable. I lied. I was not a good friend, sister, employee, daughter or whoever else I should have been.
Sometimes when I am at 'functions' or parties (which is about 4 times a year so not at all often. I am old, I work full time, I am a single mum, I like being at home in joggers!) I will see someone who drank like me.
It makes me cringe. I can hardly look. It is a massive reminder of why I don't drink.
I also think it actually takes a lot of guts to say 'I don't drink' and then listen to the outrage from others and resist the 'just have 1, you can have 1 brigade'.
Yes I am not the most exciting person to party with, I get that, I accept that label.
There is little to get carried away with when all I will drink is diet coke, but.....................I will be the best friend, mum, sister, daughter, employee, aunt, shoulder to cry on, appreciative loving, fair person you will ever know.
And thats because I don't drink.
I will back my friends and family always. I will never let anyone down if I can help it. I will be supportive to those I love. I will take interest in the people I love.
I am not weak or insipid because I don't drink.
Drinking made me weak and insipid.
Drinking also made me weak, ashamed, guilty and dull. There is no duller person in my book than one who spends all weekend in bed suffering from drinking too much and vowing never again to drink then doing it all over again the next weekend.
Don't be scared.
I think you will like the sober you much better than the drinking you.
I wish you the best xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by sissylove 
Wow I'm overwhelmed by all of the kind and honest responses . Thank you all so much. I'm still in shock I'm here in the first place. So good to have this support and I know I have a really long way to go the phrase "one day at a time" really rings true. Good lord I hope I can do this
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 334
Originally Posted by Sasha4
I would rather be the person I find myself now nearly 5 years sober than the person I was when I drank.
I hated myself when I drank.
I let people down. I was unreliable. I was moody. I was irritable. I lied. I was not a good friend, sister, employee, daughter or whoever else I should have been.
Sometimes when I am at 'functions' or parties (which is about 4 times a year so not at all often. I am old, I work full time, I am a single mum, I like being at home in joggers!) I will see someone who drank like me.
It makes me cringe. I can hardly look. It is a massive reminder of why I don't drink.
I also think it actually takes a lot of guts to say 'I don't drink' and then listen to the outrage from others and resist the 'just have 1, you can have 1 brigade'.
Yes I am not the most exciting person to party with, I get that, I accept that label.
There is little to get carried away with when all I will drink is diet coke, but.....................I will be the best friend, mum, sister, daughter, employee, aunt, shoulder to cry on, appreciative loving, fair person you will ever know.
And thats because I don't drink.
I will back my friends and family always. I will never let anyone down if I can help it. I will be supportive to those I love. I will take interest in the people I love.
I am not weak or insipid because I don't drink.
Drinking made me weak and insipid.
Drinking also made me weak, ashamed, guilty and dull. There is no duller person in my book than one who spends all weekend in bed suffering from drinking too much and vowing never again to drink then doing it all over again the next weekend.
Don't be scared.
I think you will like the sober you much better than the drinking you.
I wish you the best xx
I hated myself when I drank.
I let people down. I was unreliable. I was moody. I was irritable. I lied. I was not a good friend, sister, employee, daughter or whoever else I should have been.
Sometimes when I am at 'functions' or parties (which is about 4 times a year so not at all often. I am old, I work full time, I am a single mum, I like being at home in joggers!) I will see someone who drank like me.
It makes me cringe. I can hardly look. It is a massive reminder of why I don't drink.
I also think it actually takes a lot of guts to say 'I don't drink' and then listen to the outrage from others and resist the 'just have 1, you can have 1 brigade'.
Yes I am not the most exciting person to party with, I get that, I accept that label.
There is little to get carried away with when all I will drink is diet coke, but.....................I will be the best friend, mum, sister, daughter, employee, aunt, shoulder to cry on, appreciative loving, fair person you will ever know.
And thats because I don't drink.
I will back my friends and family always. I will never let anyone down if I can help it. I will be supportive to those I love. I will take interest in the people I love.
I am not weak or insipid because I don't drink.
Drinking made me weak and insipid.
Drinking also made me weak, ashamed, guilty and dull. There is no duller person in my book than one who spends all weekend in bed suffering from drinking too much and vowing never again to drink then doing it all over again the next weekend.
Don't be scared.
I think you will like the sober you much better than the drinking you.
I wish you the best xx
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
It really is a fantastic journey to discover the "real" you in sobriety.
For now the priority should be to take it one day at a time and focus on facing each newly sober event as it arises. Reach out for help here if something comes up, like a social function or a conversation with your boyfriend about your sobriety, and you think you could benefit from the wisdom here on how to handle it.
As you confront and experience each thing sober, you will learn more about your "real" personality. As you rediscover your interests, you will learn more about what moves you and excites you. As you inter-relate with your boyfriend on a sober footing, you will recognise your true boundaries and how you actually speak the language of love.
After some months or even maybe a year, you will have lots of solid "material" to figure out who you really are, the good and the bad. Learning about yourself will deepen your sobriety. I am sure this is why many recovery programmes incorporate an element of self-analysis after you have bedded down some sober time.
I don't follow a formal recovery programme but I have spent some time writing out my personal values and my "mission statement" in life.
Time, time, time ... you have lots of it now and quality time too, so no need to rush to find out who you are. Getting strong in your sobriety will teach you organically.
For now the priority should be to take it one day at a time and focus on facing each newly sober event as it arises. Reach out for help here if something comes up, like a social function or a conversation with your boyfriend about your sobriety, and you think you could benefit from the wisdom here on how to handle it.
As you confront and experience each thing sober, you will learn more about your "real" personality. As you rediscover your interests, you will learn more about what moves you and excites you. As you inter-relate with your boyfriend on a sober footing, you will recognise your true boundaries and how you actually speak the language of love.
After some months or even maybe a year, you will have lots of solid "material" to figure out who you really are, the good and the bad. Learning about yourself will deepen your sobriety. I am sure this is why many recovery programmes incorporate an element of self-analysis after you have bedded down some sober time.
I don't follow a formal recovery programme but I have spent some time writing out my personal values and my "mission statement" in life.
Time, time, time ... you have lots of it now and quality time too, so no need to rush to find out who you are. Getting strong in your sobriety will teach you organically.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi Sissy - I was a million different people my first 90 days.
If you're like me you've been drinking for years, and not drinking is a massive change.
5 days is great but at 5 days I still felt awful, was scared,, irritable and generally not having a great time...but it got better.
This is not the best it's going to get.
Early recovery can be rough - but it passes
Have faith and hang in there.
D
If you're like me you've been drinking for years, and not drinking is a massive change.
5 days is great but at 5 days I still felt awful, was scared,, irritable and generally not having a great time...but it got better.
This is not the best it's going to get.
Early recovery can be rough - but it passes
Have faith and hang in there.
D
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Hi sissylove. I'm really glad you wanted to talk about how you're feeling - it helped me so much in the early days of quitting. You're never alone.
When I first quit I felt very strange. I was in sad shape - drinking every day for many years. I was a little resentful that I had to stop - even though it hadn't been fun for a long time. It took a couple months for me to really come alive again. I'd been numb & foggy for so long - I needed to learn to live in a different way. Being free of it finally kicked in - and I was so grateful.
I think the new sissylove sounds terrific. Be patient & kind to her.
When I first quit I felt very strange. I was in sad shape - drinking every day for many years. I was a little resentful that I had to stop - even though it hadn't been fun for a long time. It took a couple months for me to really come alive again. I'd been numb & foggy for so long - I needed to learn to live in a different way. Being free of it finally kicked in - and I was so grateful.
I think the new sissylove sounds terrific. Be patient & kind to her.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Also think back to when you were a child.
As children we didn't need alcohol to make us fun or more confident or help start conversations or make friends.
Somewhere along the line, we were fed a lie that drinking gives us confidence, sparkling wit, courage, makes us more likeable.
At the start of our drinking maybe it did. But then I know for me, it took my confidence, made me nervous and anxious and caused some people to dislike me and keep away. I became tedious with drinking.
Still wishing you the best xx
As children we didn't need alcohol to make us fun or more confident or help start conversations or make friends.
Somewhere along the line, we were fed a lie that drinking gives us confidence, sparkling wit, courage, makes us more likeable.
At the start of our drinking maybe it did. But then I know for me, it took my confidence, made me nervous and anxious and caused some people to dislike me and keep away. I became tedious with drinking.
Still wishing you the best xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by sissylove
20+ years of drinking everyday until I pass out at night
He wants me to quit since my fun usually turns to anger where he's concerned and it's never fair to him. I always feel guilty and apologize the next day.
My (one) drunken neighbor says that, "I'm not as much fun as I used to be."
But, my wife would not be around if I was still drinking.
And, she's much better looking than he is!
Who is a fool?
A fool is one who fools themself.
M-Bob
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