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Struggling right now...

Old 02-08-2017, 07:21 AM
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Struggling right now...

All I can think about is finishing work and drinking; I know it's the stupidest idea ever but I am just jonesing all the damn time. It's like the logical side of me totally understand's why that can't happen but the animal inside is just clawing at the walls and screaming "F--- it! Just do it! Feel better now.". I know I've just got to ride it out but it's hard and I feel stupid for not taking more precautions.

My wife and daughter still drink (sensibly, safely and legitmately) at home so we still have booze in the house but my AV is just whispering how easy it would be to have some and nobody would know.

I just need to stay in control but it is hard. I really need to find alternative ways of dealing with my work stress, I feel like I am avoiding possible solutions and I don't know why.
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Old 02-08-2017, 07:25 AM
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Maybe, change up your routine tonight; go to the gym after work or dinner; take a walk; go to a movie.

Look to the goodness of sobriety, Unwound - really focus on it.
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Old 02-08-2017, 07:29 AM
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Here's a good thread to read, Unwound:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t=urge+surfing
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Old 02-08-2017, 07:29 AM
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"My wife and daughter still drink (sensibly, safely and legitmately) at home so we still have booze in the house but my AV is just whispering how easy it would be to have some and nobody would know."

But you would know. Then soon after you would sink into the hell of anxiety..panic and guilt wondering why you didn't just ride it out. Believe me...I have been there so many times I could have written the book. The whole thing is you do have to focus and find something you enjoy to do that takes up the time you normally imbibe. I am wishing Peace for you. Stay with us here. Keep posting.
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Old 02-08-2017, 07:41 AM
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Tweak it a little, by that I mean recognize the 'struggle' the yammering of the AV , but focus on the fact that IT isn't controlling your arms and hands ( and can't) , the rational side is winning( and always can).
I have seen posts mention 'urge surfing' google that , I think it is about seeing the urges come in waves and techniques on how to ride them out.
You Can Do it, it sucks but is definitely do-able.
"Nothing Sucks Forever" ( hattip Mesa Man)
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Old 02-08-2017, 07:48 AM
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It gets better the longer you stay away from it, really.

Those thoughts in early days are very insistent, but they're just thoughts. Like dwtbd said, thoughts can't make you do anything.

Mesa Man also used to say something like, "I had a thought of sleeping with that pretty 20 year old too - I have thoughts about picking up my friend's wallet. I don't do those things either. I don't cheat on my wife, and I don't steal." [paraphrasing here]

Make it something like that, something you just won't do. No matter what. This will pass.
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Old 02-08-2017, 07:56 AM
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Thanks all, I know it's just addiction trying to sidle back in after being ejected for the last 2 months but its hard maintaining that control. I will try to stay busy.
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Old 02-08-2017, 07:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Unwound View Post
I really need to find alternative ways of dealing with my work stress...
You have said this very thing is previous posts. Meaning you still haven't figured out how to deal with it.

It's stress, not extraterrestrial beings...there has to be a lot if information on the topic of stress and how to reduce or handle it.

SOBER!
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Old 02-08-2017, 07:58 AM
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How would your wife and daughter feel about getting rid of any booze around the house for a few weeks. If they drink as you say they should not be worried, especially if it is going to help you. I know I would find any temptation twice as hard to resist if I knew I had easy access to booze at the time!
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Old 02-08-2017, 08:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Unwound View Post
I really need to find alternative ways of dealing with my work stress,
going to meetings and being of service to others has been the solution for me one day at a time

God bless

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Old 02-08-2017, 08:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Mentium View Post
How would your wife and daughter feel about getting rid of any booze around the house for a few weeks. If they drink as you say they should not be worried, especially if it is going to help you. I know I would find any temptation twice as hard to resist if I knew I had easy access to booze at the time!

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Old 02-08-2017, 08:57 AM
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Originally Posted by Mentium View Post
How would your wife and daughter feel about getting rid of any booze around the house for a few weeks. If they drink as you say they should not be worried, especially if it is going to help you. I know I would find any temptation twice as hard to resist if I knew I had easy access to booze at the time!
I agree with this, too.

It is early days for you and every little thing can help while you are building your sober muscles.

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Old 02-08-2017, 09:18 AM
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It took months for the crave to wane. The whole time relapse looms. That is why so many relapse.

I was going crazy for the first 6 months. I'm 21 months clean and it still is getting better.

Thanks.
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Old 02-08-2017, 09:49 AM
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Hey!! From someone who wound up back at day one again a week ago, I can safely say riding it out is better than the utter digust and disappointment you will feel in yourself. Nobody new I had a drink either, my partner was away with work, I didn't text or call anyone, nobody knew but me. But guess what.....the anxiety was there like a beast the next day, I felt awful I had let myself down, because I knew better than to do what I did and wish I had been stronger. Ive figured I was lucky, I got away with it, I went back to sobriety the very next day, but you know that sobering up and returning back to this site straight afterwards is never a given. Also consider that, even if you didn't get drunk, are you then going to tell yourself it was 'safe'? And slowly the consumption will creep back up. The AV voice is the most powerful, manipulative, nasty and dangerous thing any of us have ever encountered. That's the voice that wants everything you have, and wont be satisfied until it has you all to itself, and even then it will want to take even more.

Write a list on your phone right now, why you want to drink, why you don't, what has improved in your life since you stopped. What positive thing would a drink bring to your day/life. Take the power away from the voice and give it back to yourself, because you deserve to. You will feel so much more proud of yourself to wake up tomorrow sober and another day added to your sobriety.

Good luck and hoping for the best outcome today for you!
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Old 02-08-2017, 10:08 AM
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I know what the right answers are; right now it feels like the universe is pushing a little more each time in incremental steps, trying to see if I will break as each one is added. I have a string of irritations and stresses that are just piling up, and then crash on me like waves. It physicaly hurts, which my AV promises can be instantly cured of course.

Getting the booze out of the house, yes would be a good thing, there is a lot of it so that makes it a big deal and I am imposing it on them as well as myself, now is not the time for that anyway; I need to be in a more rational, less stressed state.

Kel thanks for your post, wierdly that's what I needed to hear right now, I know drinking won't get me anywhere except back where I started with the same problems I had two months ago. I can do this, I think.
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Old 02-08-2017, 10:21 AM
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you 100% can do this!!! There are so many people on here who are doing it for months and years under their belt. just keep your focus. I had a rough day again yesterday and felt exactly as you are now. I went to bed early and put a movie on, just wanted the day done with as I was so tired of the back and forth struggle in my head with the voice. So I do know where you are right now.I really think just ride this out today, tomorrow, who knows, but today, just refuse to take a drink
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Old 02-08-2017, 10:40 AM
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Getting the booze out of the house, yes would be a good thing, there is a lot of it so that makes it a big deal and I am imposing it on them as well as myself,

Please re-read this sentence about 10 times. Why does the quantity of the booze matter? Why is it an imposition on you? Or is it an imposition on your addiction.

now is not the time for that anyway;

Why? Seems to me now is exactly the time.

The universe isn't pushing you to break, your addiction is. Life happens to everyone, all day, everyday. Have you considered a program that can help you live life without alcohol?

Hang in there. If you drink it won't make you feel better and it won't make life go away.
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Old 02-08-2017, 11:24 AM
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I'd agree that the universe does push on everyone , everyday, sometimes harder on some and sometimes harder on some days.
The addiction ( the Beast) is speaking through the AV and focusing on the stresses and the uncomfortable feeling. The Beast wants its fix and will try any and all manipulations to get it, even pointing out the fact the a buzz feels good, and that oblivion will practically make life go away , like a little bit of death( a period of nonexistence), the real trick is to acknowledge all of that and choose to tell IT to go to hell. Every single time it crops up. The good news is that doing so, in full acknowledgement , will lessen the times it crops up , and the severity of the urge or craving.
It is a very serious choice , seems times the choice between life and death, smuggling in a little lie like 'it doesnt feel x , y, or z' can be dangerous. Dismiss those thoughts and refuse to act on them, in spite of any temporary respite , the fleeting 'enjoyment' of any buzz is attractive because it's true, but the increasing costs of indulging are also very true.
True or not , it isn't worth it, the AV can shove it.
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Old 02-08-2017, 11:24 AM
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Well it's a lot of stuff that they drink that i don't and never drank. So effectively I would be chucking a lot of their stuff away due to my problem. They are likely to find that objectionable a bit like if someone who lived in your house was a vegetarian and insisted on throwing out any meat product from the whole house. There is even stuff that nobody in the house drinks but we have for guests e.g. Whisky and gin (I know a lot of people reading this will be thinking, "Doesn't drink whisky or gin? What kind of half-arsed alcoholic are you!?!" I can only apologise)

I think I am over the worst of it today I am going to distract myself for a bit and then sleep.
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Old 02-08-2017, 11:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Unwound View Post
Well it's a lot of stuff that they drink that i don't and never drank. So effectively I would be chucking a lot of their stuff away due to my problem. They are likely to find that objectionable a bit like if someone who lived in your house was a vegetarian and insisted on throwing out any meat product from the whole house. There is even stuff that nobody in the house drinks but we have for guests e.g. Whisky and gin.

I think I am over the worst of it today I am going to distract myself for a bit and then sleep.
They are your wife and daughter, right? I'm puzzled - unless they don't know the severity of your situation. It really isn't a parallel to the vegie situation at all - alcohol addiction kills after all. If I was a 'normie' and my wife needed to dump the booze I would happily do so. Whether you 'normally' drink the stuff that's around or not, you might well be tempted to if you allow the addiction to win out. Needs must if one is desperate.

Anyway - I am sure you have had enough from this little bit of the universe for now so I'll leave it there.
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