My 100th day 1
 

Well, I'm sitting at my kitchen table after another committed night of self-medicating my emotions with booze, I wallow like a disorientated pig stuck in a thick mud of self-loathing & loneliness & it feels bloody horrible. If I make it outside and into the public eye I can expect to confronted with waves of anxiety and self-conscious paranoia, eventuating in a cold sweat and in me retreating back to the safety of my house in a mild panic, to isolate further. This is where my drinking takes me - every damn time.

I've gotten sober before; one month, two months, even three months, but eventually the reality of why I stopped becomes faint enough so that I can justify implementing a 'moderation approach' of some form. The moderation approach inevitably becomes daily drinking within a matter of weeks and I quickly spiral down to where I am right now. Overweight, depressed and a generally unhappy individual. Hah, oh the fruits of drinking!!

Anyway, I was intending to take my dog out for an early walk through the park because it's hitting the high 30's here today and it'll be too hot to walk her properly later, but guess who was selfishly sleeping off a hangover instead?! So now I'm a bad dog owner - on top of everything else; note rising guilt and shame.

Well, I think I've accomplished what I wanted to with this rambling post and made it pretty clear to myself that I must stop this drinking business for good if I want to live decent life (and have a dog that doesn't resent me due to lack of walkies).

I'm going to do my best to make sobriety stick this time, I really would appreciate some peace of mind back.

Welcome.

Hi and welcome healthy choices :)

eventually I had to accept no amount of 'time off' was going to fix me or allow me to go back to drinking in some kind of normal way.

I don't drink normally and I never did. I drank to get fall down drunk,

Accepting that helped turn my focus from thinking in terms of a temporary break to a permanent change.

this community gave me a lot of support in that process and re reading my posts & others helped me remember that things were really 'that bad'.

SR helped me - I know we can help you too :)

D

Welcome Healthychoices. X

Welcome to the family. :) One of my favorite things about living sober is the good care I give my dogs and cats. I was sloppy when I was drinking and they didn't get the walks they needed or meals on time. :(

I feel so much better about myself being a good critter-mom. :)

SR has helped me stay sober over seven years now. I hope we can do the same for you. :hug:

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Step Two. “Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

Might be time to do it differently healthychoices :)

Welcome! Try checking in on the 24 hour thread every morning.Good luck. There is a ton of great people here on SR!

Thank you everyone for the welcomes, I'm grateful to be here and I can tell already I will be able to get some good support from others who understand the struggle!

Welcome to SR! You will find lots of support on here.

Sounds all too familiar, like my story and many others. Welcome

Least

It will be nice to wake up early in the mornings and actually enjoy being able to take my beautiful dog for a walk rather than it being a pain. I feel like I've missed out on a lot of my girls puppy months due to be being drunk / hungover, but no more!

Also congratulations on the 7 years, that's inspiring and gives me hope for myself, I am open to ANY suggestions and guidance you may have for me, oh sober one! ;)

Dee

I hear you, time for that permanent change thinking to come into play for me, there have been way too many 'I'll stop for a WHILE's' in my life. I have kept the same old unhealthy coping mechanisms and habits (drink and avoid) and expected my life to improve, but without long term sobriety my life will continue this painful OLD boozy dance which I am completely over.

awuh1

Yes, time for a big shift in behaviors for me, things must change or I'll be old and grey and wonder where my best years went and that would be sad.

I found dog walking a great way to get out of my head and into the moment. Dogs give such unconditional love and it's great to be able to walk them, give some love in return and just share the time with them.
When I've been struggling with my alcoholic mind I found a dog walk a good way to just check out of crazy town for a little while.

Definitely is! I love just watching my dog play and be a dog and do doggy stuff, being surrounded by trees, grass and nature helps settle me as well I think, that healing energy of just being in nature.

I remember feeling like this and not knowing how to change.

I would tell myself in the morning "today I am not drinking" and the next thing I knew I was at the store buying liquor.

It was as if my body was doing it even though my mind said no. Next thing I knew it I was drunk again and hating myself.

This pattern occurred everyday for 27 years. How my body is still functioning is a miracle.