Scruffanie

Hi all,

Just after your thoughts on how many meetings are preferable in a week? Or is this an individual thing?

I love AA and going to meetings but I also have children, a partner and work full time and have to fit in time for housework and exercise and I also need down time.

I am 58 days sober, usually do 4 meetings a week, talk to my Sponsor every other day, prayer and BB readings daily and read here daily as well. I am very committed to staying sober and working The Steps but trying to find the balance is a bit of a challenge.

Although I have absolutely no desire to drink I worry if I miss one meeting I'll slip!

Any tips would be greatly appreciated.



Scruff

August252015

Great job on 58 days! It sounds like you are putting a lot of thought and effort into your program, along with a full life.

I do think it's an individual thing HOWEVER I have found that the people who "have what I want" and have long term sobriety do go to meetings consistently and have a strong support system in the program. I am 347 days sober and my sweet spot for meetings is 4-6 a week, and a few times I have done 7, once 8. I did about 82 in 90 when I quit drinking last Feb. I find that emotional sobriety is my focus now and both the habit of going to meetings (I have a MWF home group and go to other meetings at different times- it varies week-week bc of work but I typically go to the same ones as much as possible) and the content/support are central to my program.

I don't think anyone needs to be afraid one meeting will mean a slip- because we choose whether or not to drink. I can honestly say that my problem has been removed- and I work on that fit spiritual condition daily to keep it gone. It sounds like you are still in the process of getting to that point - where are you in the steps?

I do think habit and consistency around my recovery work has been a huge part of my strong recovery and life. I do the same six things every morning related to recovery, I am in close contact by text/phone with my sponsor and see her at least once a week, and my "group" of sober and/or 100% supportive friends/fam is strong.

You're at almost 60 days which is awesome- and still early (heck, I am still early days in terms of the rest of my life!!)- so keep coming back. Sounds like you are on a good track- I just believe that we make time for what is important to us, so adjusting our lives accordingly for every priority is crucial.

Good luck.

Scruffanie

Hi August,

Thank you for your words and a huge congrats on 347 days, that is so wonderful!

Agree with you about making the time to work the program, it is the reason why I am sober and I have already met many wonderful people. I am on Step 4 but my desire for drink was miraculously removed from me after my first meeting but, yes, I am still working towards being spiritually fit.

I have a home group and my role is bikkies and greeting other AA members, I've also had the honour of chairing a few times. I can't say enough good things about AA.

I have started meditating and also listen to AA speaker recordings in my lunch break.

I am still amazed at how much energy I have, to get through what I need to do in a day and for others. I smile and laugh so much these days. Some days I am just brimming with the joy of being ordinary lol.

Thanks for the reassurance that it is unlikely I'll slip if I miss one meeting. I just don't ever want to lose what I have found!

ReadyAtLast

I'm not in aa but always try to remember what Anna says about how balance is so important I aim to apply that.

Eddiebuckle

Hi Scruff - congrats on 58 days! The first few months are hardest, which is why "they" suggest 90 in 90.

I think once we establish a routine (sponsor, meetings, step work, prayer/meditation, service) and "not drinking" has become our "new normal" - learning to find balance is the key to maintaining sobriety. Pay attention to how you feel, what your emotional and spiritual state is (especially if it seems to be trending down). It's when we start to feel anxious, angry, or overwhelmed that we are on thin ice. Doing all the things you list are antidotes to those ills. Will missing one meeting mean you relapse? If you are feeling good and doing good, probably not. If you are Hungry/Angry/Lonely/Tired and feeling off your game? Then it's a risk. The difference is what the Big Book calls "spiritual condition" - your emotional state is a good indicator of your spiritual condition. When the squirrels in your head are working overtime, get your butt to a meeting.

I recently celebrated seven years - my routine is four to five meetings a week. It does take time, but I find that with two or three meetings a week, I tend to get fragile. Find out what works for you, and remember that if life gets challenging, adding another meeting to your routine is never a bad adjustment.

Congrats & good luck!

Forward12

I would do what is best for you. If you only have the time to go a few times a week, go for it. Or if you would like to try and go everyday, perhaps see what you can do to fit time in.
Otherwise that's great you also have a sponsor you can call if perhaps you can't get a meeting or need someone to talk to. Great work so far! It sounds like you're off to a really solid start!

Scruffanie

Thank you everyone,

That's a really good pioint Eddie about HALT and paying close attention to how I'm feeling and the risk of running rough. When I feel that way getting to a meeting is top priority. But getting in at least 4 a week means I avoid getting to that point.

I guess as I get further along I'll be able to better judge my needs and follow the guidance of my HP.

It has been a challenging but well worth it journey so far.

Gottalife

The AA solution is a spiritual experience as the result of working the steps, which brings about a complete psychic change sufficient to overcome alcoholism.

Question: How many meetings do you have to attend to get one of these experiences? a hundred? a thousand? Answer, no amount of neetings will bring this experience.

How many steps do I need to take to recover from alcoholism? 12. And this work is done mostly away from meetings. This is the program. The meetings are not the program.

One of the best recoveries I ever saw was a man I was privileged to sponsor who was taking care of two young sons, dealing with a drug addict ex, and held down a full time job. He was able to attend two meetings a week. This worried me a little at the time because I had bought into the idea that meetings are essential to sobriety.

However, we worked the steps together in fairly short order, and he changed right in front of my eyes. He's been sober about seven years now, is a great father and a respected and loved member of the community in which he lives. I get a real thrill knowing that God let me be part of that.

Back to your question, we recover by the steps we take, not the meetings we make.

LadyBlue0527

I like this!

Where it's important to attend meetings balance is just as key. If you're overdoing it (my opinion) it can be just as detrimental. The less secure you are the more meetings, the better. If you're feeling good about the meetings you're attending, life is full, and you're working on the steps daily that sounds like a good balance.

sg1970

Gottalife nailed it. I can't remember the last time I felt like I needed a meeting. I typically go to 2 a week. But if I miss one or two I honestly don't feel any different. I enjoy seeing the friends I've made in recovery. I also enjoy the hour away from the hectic outside world. I also get to practice the 12th step while there. I believe those of us who are sober owe that to those who are still struggling. Whether I post here or go to a meeting I believe we need to help the still suffering as we were once helped.

Doug39

I am 103 days sober and just started going to AA meetings about 5 weeks ago.

I try to go to a meeting everyday - but I usually only get to 4 or 5 a week.

Next week I go back to work and I also go to night school. I will probably end up going less but will try to go to as many as I can.

I always get at least one good thing or tip out of every meeting - I never regret taking the time to go.

Mountainmanbob

Sounds like you are nice and sober Program busy there.

What's important is to not let up on your Program. Many (as I know) will slowly stop doing what has been working for them and eventually fall back to their old ways.

Good luck,
M-Bob

tomsteve

Gottalife had a very important point-meetings dont keep a person sober or make a person recover from the hopeless state of mind and body.
right inside my big book, one of the 1st pages, it says,
The Story of
How Many Thousands of Men and Women
Have Recovered from Alcoholism

to my knowledge, meetings are mentioned once in the first 164 pages.

and heres something from tne big book:

None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. All of us spend much of our spare time in the sort of effort which we are going to describe. A few are fortunate enough to be so situated that they can give nearly all their time to the work.


meetings are good, but making recovery contigent on meetings- having the notion that missing meetings will lead to drinking- is living a fear based life.

wpainterw

You won't slip because you miss one meeting. If you slip it's likely that your AV planned it in advance, like mine did looking forward to my wife's being temporarily out of town. If that happened I'm sure that if I had gone to a meeting, I would likely visit a liquor store on my return home. So go to meetings but don't worry about missing one. Worry about your AV down there plotting a relapse-meeting or no meeting. Keep your eye on the tiger. It may not be in front. It might be just in back of you grinning and ready to spring.

W.

tomsteve

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.

Mentium

Gottalife may well be right, but I suspect for us in the early days regular and frequent meetings are a great help because the company, peer support and encouragement of other sufferers and recovered people are important - to me anyway. The program may come later - though not everyone seems to engage with it. I see some long term sober people at meetings who just turn up, give the Steps lip service and then are off again, apparently happily sober.

I have five meetings available per week locally and I usually go to four of those and maybe one outside the area for a change. That seems to be enough, though I was in a bad way the other evening and could have benefited from a meeting, but there wasn't one available.

So from this member, at the very early stages of recovery, the answer would be 'as many as you need'!

August252015

Yes!

Fatigue is a big thing for me- emotional and otherwise. As I have gone along, my "ups and downs" (both in the highs/lows and in the duration they last) have smoothed out. I used to have pretty much guaranteed "after effects" after a few tiring/stressful/etc days - that isn't so noticeable or significant now.

I nap- most days. I work as a server and often long hours/sometimes double shifts for lunch and dinner. I have a pretty consistent wake up time (dog!) and indeed find that paying close attention to "disturbances" is crucial. You're spot on- avoiding the point that we get to tough spots is so important- and comes with time and better spiritual condition.

Keep going!!

48heath

Congratulations on 58 days sober.

Fear is telling you lies,that if you miss a meeting you will drink,you won't, if you are committed to sobriety.

I found the meetings invaluable in my early days,but it is the Programme that keeps me sober and happy today.

It is important to have a balance in our lives,you have a family and a job.I think you are doing well with what you are doing.

Wishing you well.

Anna

Congratulations on 58 days sober!

Mountainmanbob

Slacking here, only hit one AA meeting this last week. I was asked to lead the meeting and knew that I should accept. M-Bob

A nice sober weekend wished for all.