An invitation from my cousin
 

I am very close to a cousin of mine. We are in some ways more like brothers - in fact he once told me (while drunk!) that he wished I was his brother, rather than his older bro, who is a bit of a pain in the rear at times. He lives about 100 miles away and every so often over the years he and his wife stay with us for a weekend. The weekends tend to consist of a nice meal out, lots (lots) of booze, staying up until two or three and talking bollocks - sometimes for two nights in a row over the weekend. When together we tend to drink a great deal - actually more than my old daily consumption by some margin.

His place being a lot smaller we have not stayed with them but he and his wife were clearly feeling they owed us one as it were so I suggested I go visit alone 'some time'.

The invitation arrived today by phone and it is for a couple of weekends hence.

I told him I would let him know by the end of this week and I have pondered on how to handle this for the last hour or two.

I'm only 19 days alcohol free and it will only be a month when that weekend arrives. I don't trust myself to be in a boozy situation so soon after quitting quite frankly nut simply turning down the invitation without an explanation would be hurtful.

I could tell him I am 'on the wagon' but I am pretty sure I would be under some pressure to 'have a night off' which would be a very bad idea indeed. I could tell him I'm going to AA, to give him some idea of how serious the issue is for me, but I would have some anxiety he would tell his sister and brother and it would be common knowledge around our extended family, which I would not like.

Or I could make up some sort of excuse and just put him off for a few more weeks or a couple of months.

Typing this out in order to process it as much as anything. Thoughts very welcome but I know I either have to share my 'secret' with him or else tell a white lie or two and put off the weekend for a good while.

I think its great that you realize you need to protect your sobriety...not take any chances.

I can't off advice specifically. I know when I've been in the same situation I try to keep it simple. The truth is always best but if an excuse is easier than keep it simple. You already committed to 'something' (fill in the blank) else. The only reason its hard to say that is because its complicated in your head. In his it won't be so I would think he'll just accept it and move on.

I know the feeling mate but it's hard being in they situations i thought it could use will power alone going to my friends but was convinced to have a night off which turned into 4 days off.
Hopefully your cousin should understand seeing as youse are close 😀

Sounds like you've thought it through pretty well. I would simply re-schedule. Wait until you get some serious time under your belt and it will be much easier. And I would not feel guilty one bit about rescheduling. Its your journey and its a noble cause.

It's odd isn' it , that feeling of not wanting others to know we quit.I know I didn't want to discuss it , at first, I still don't really , but I no longer feel like I don't want others to know, more like I don't care.
For me anyway , I think it was mostly beast driven thought, eg 'putting it out there' meant closing the door completely and the beast never likes that idea.

After some consideration I have decided that I should display a bit of trust. I like my cousin a lot. He is in fact one of the nicest people I know. He drinks a lot, though just at weekends and holidays as far as I can tell and he enjoys the 'good things in life'. He is kind and gentle too.

So I am going to phone him later in the week and explain that I have acknowledged I have a drinking problem (I already told him a while ago that I drink a bottle of wine every evening..though it was more in reality, so he knows something is up). I will say I am going to a support group - maybe I'll mention AA - will see - and suggest putting off the visit for a couple of months.

If I know my cousin he will understand. If he doesn't then I will know I have been open and have nothing to blame myself for.

Mentium, perhaps you will be an inspiration to him, because he wants a way to stop drinking too. Good luck!