Pajanickah

I've posted here not so often, but always find myself back here.

If you read my earlier posts, I was anxiety ridden with my job. I quit that job because it was overwhelming taking over my mental state.

A lot of people keep telling me: "This is the best decision you've made in years." I however feel like I made a huge mistake. After quitting, I found a job immediately, but it's a job that won't allow me to make ends meet. I work in the restaurant industry so it's a bit like being in high school.

Now that I've started this new job, I have serious doubts about it and really don't want to work there. I'm having intense feelings about packing up and moving across the country for a new start.

My drinking has been sporadic. I'll go a few days without drinking then just binge. I've literally locked myself in my apartment and am terrified to leave on a daily basis.

I'm really upset with myself for making such a rash decision to quit my prior job, but I can't take it back. What's done is done. I've completely cut myself off from the outside world.

I have to work tonight, but am terrified to start something that I know I won't finish.

I've been on a binge for three days (currently drinking now) and don't know how I can possibly manage this evening.

I've gone through years of sobriety, but can't seem to find the motivation to even take a damn shower.

I have a job interview, Wednesday at a very well respected establishment - and it's a job I really want.

Any advice towards what I should do today would be greatly appreciated.

flguy1

Only advice I can give you is what has worked for me.
If you decide to stop - then BETTER days are ahead of you. If you decide to keep drinking - you will get more of what you already have...and it might get worse.
Do the "take it 1 day at a time" thing. After you have strung together 14,21, 30 days...your head will start to clear and you will be SO glad that you stopped.
For me - I did not feel magically better after 2-3 days of no alcohol...I was tired, etc. But around 30-40 days I really started to feel good. You will too.
Hang in there!

Pajanickah

I think I'm going to just quit this job, go to a meeting tonight and keep it moving.

soberandhonest

You said it! You can't change what happened yesterday. You can't take back that last sip of booze (well, perhaps you can, but let's not go there).

But what you CAN do, starting right this very moment, is take control of your now! So do it. You have two days to prepare for your job interview. Stop drinking. Right this moment. Just stop. Find a meeting or an online class that you can attend today. Spend time researching what you need to do to improve your odds for getting the new job. Do some mock interviews with a friend or relative.

Between now and Wednesday, SC has big weather improvements coming. Wednesday is pure sun with highs in the 70s. Follow the weather, my friend.

Good luck to you!

PhoenixJ

I moved on with jobs, then careers. I moved on from one address to another- then to different towns. 'Doing a geographical'. I thought if I 'started with a clean slate'- everything would come good. Nope- I just dragged the same baggage and drinking behaviours (that gets worse) with me.
I hope you do not do such things as I did.
Prayers to you. PJ

Pajanickah

I've made the hard decision within the hour talking to non-using friends to let this job go.

If I think about it, it's kind of relieving before jumping into a mistake. I'm very well known in my industry, and can't afford another hiccup. If I don't get this job on Wednesday, I'm making a geographical move. However, I feel I'll get the job.

Do I wanna move? No! However, I need something different. I'm very great at adapting and very hope not to new opportunities. That's why I feel like I'm an outcast drunk. I'm different, and to top it off, I'm gay.

I've been through incredible hardships. I just need some support for tomorrow and the rest of my life.

Pajanickah

I just don't what to do anymore. I can't believe how powerful drinking is.

I'm terrified about how I will feel tomorrow. It's crazy to see how much I've let go in the last three weeks.