BixBees505

" ... there's a moment coming that's far more important. That's when the dregs of the hangover have left, or whatever horrifying thing that happened has settled down and you get to the next point in time where it might seem ok to drink. That's when the real work begins. That's when you have to muster up every single ounce of resolve to quit and force yourself to work that plan."

This is where I am living, exactly. Feeling a bit better, wounds of all kinds healing. And even with a good plan of alternatives and escapes and productive actions in place...at almost every decision point, I have to be honest, I would Rather have a drink than follow my plan. But I'm following my plan anyway, and refusing to entertain other thoughts. I expect that it will get easier. But I'm not waiting to "want to" or for it to get "easier". I feel the pull of that compulsion/obsession--I observe it, and if I sit on my hands and refuse to begin acting on it, it does pass after a bit. This cycle is endured several times each day.

Gottalife's description of "no mental defense" rings kind of true to me. But I don't believe in magic...so I have to mechanically avoid being exposed to booze for now. And when unexpectedly confronted with it, I have a rehearsed and ready answer..."no thanks, it makes me sick. Yes, even a little bit makes me sick."

BixBees505

I'm not trying to say AA or Gottalife do believe in magic...too late to edit my poor choices of words above. I just mean that for me, as of now, I don't know any alternative other than building mental, emotional and mechanical/physical defenses against a first drink.

soberandhonest

If you were diagnosed with cancer, you would find a way to take a few weeks off of work. Treat it like that.

I was/am a successful professional with a ton of education. I tried and failed to beat this on my own. It was so incredibly hard to concentrate on this issue because the rest of my life - my job, my spousal relationship, my kids' wants and needs, my commute, my business/marketing commitments, my housework - never stopped. Finally, I recognized that it was all starting to crumble and I found a way to take 2 weeks off and went inpatient. I had two weeks to concentrate only on me and my addiction and it made a world of difference. I detoxed, got some early days of sobriety under my belt, worked out every day, slept well, and developed a comprehensive written plan for how I would deal with this when I resumed my life. I even managed to work 3-4 hours a day during rehab. I walked out of there in December 2015 and have not touched alcohol since.

Everyone is different, but your situation does not seem that far off from mine. Good luck to you.

ScottFromWI

Can you afford to keep living like you are living? I tried to quit on my own terms for probably 5 years and it never worked. Why? Because I wasn't ready to accept my addiction and take the necessary initiative to get better. I'm not suggesting that inpatient rehab is the only way you will get sober, but the bottom line is that there is no way to get sober that is going to be "easy". No matter what method you choose, it will be hard. It will require you to do things you don't want to do. It will require you to literally change your life, and many of the changes will be very uncomfortable for a while.

You've been coming here for about 5 and a half years now yourself, take a look back over your posts that you've started and ask yourself if you've really given sobriety 100% of your efforts. I don't say that to suggest that others have not had the same problem, but at the end of the day you've really got to get honest with yourself and decide that being sober is what you really want. And then you have to do whatever it takes to get it. It's absolutely possible, you are the only thing that can stop it from happening.

OneIsTooMuch

I have no expertise. A lot of what you write is very familiar though. I too was successful. 3 college degrees including a doctorate, a VP in an international company, etc.

One of the things this did to me was convince me that whatever came down the pike I could "handle" myself.

True, except for being an alcoholic. I quit dozens of times. Never stuck.

I finally realized I was literally killing myself. I admitted my addiction and reached out for help. Sounds like you might be in this spot too. The thing is, I discovered that help is there, you just need to accept it.

Find someone to reach out to. Could be a doctor, nurse, psychologist. Could be AA. But I never got anywhere with the steel jaw, tough it out approach.

Good luck and don't drink! It just makes problems worse.

SoberD

Wow, thank you so much for the great replies - a lot of sincerity, truth, and wisdom here. Today is Day 1 - marked on the calendar. Of course, counting days is not a strategy but when my head clears, I will devise a true plan and put it into play. The alcohol is gone out of my house and I cancelled my meetings this afternoon to go through the misery of another coming down. I will continue to post and again, thank you for the wonderful support and advice.

Dee74

some great plan ideas here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D