HopeandFaith1

Thank you Thomas. I know this too shall pass...and you are right I am not nearly as worried about my sister in law coming to stay, it's just another minor irritation on top of a heap of them, but I can handle that. I guess since sobering up I am still struggling with the concept of delayed gratification, and the idea that the world does not always behave according to our wants and needs.

HopeandFaith1

I think if the chaos extends much past this weekend, I might seriously have to consider that hotel room Ustacallmelola.

HopeandFaith1

Thank you Anna, I am so glad that you can relate to how I am feeling with this. I don't feel like drinking but I am starting to get that angry voice in my head. You know the one that can show up in times of stress and say things like, "F this, it isn't what I signed up for, things aren't going my way so I should just do what ever I want to make me feel better...everyone else is being an irresponsible addict so I might as well too" of course logically I know better! It's just hard to block out those thoughts sometimes.

Ina123

I'm so sorry that you are going through this...I found myself getting angry for you while reading this....you must have the patience of a saint!
It's sad that your friend Dopey has gotten him in this situation...but at the end of the day, you have to put yourself and your family first (Including fur babies I think it was incredibly generous of you and your husband to put them up in a hotel and let them work on their car at your house....my worries are that these people will keep nudging you for more and more. You may indeed have to cut them off soon. And DON'T feel bad about that.
I would also try to make it quite clear that they cannot stay before your husband goes away, otherwise, you may be put in a position where you feel outnumbered by them and pressured.
I know it's hard to turn people away, I've often found myself saying "yes" to certain things I haven't wanted out of sympathy or pity...but that often has led to feelings of anger and resentment quietly stirring inside of me....especially when your generosity is taken for granted, which seems to be the case with Daffy.

Congrats on 227 days of sobriety!! Keep looking after yourself – that's what's most important right now. Stay strong!

Mags1

Hopeandfaith, I'm a bit speechless! I would be the same as you, but can fight the world for others
It's always different for ourselves, especially if we have empathy and feel some kind of beholden to them.
My only thoughts, except scream and run away with my dogs but worry about my home, is this.
When I first stopped drinking and had the cravings and the advice I got here many times was to play the tape! Play the craving out in my head to the bitter end. It always stopped me I my tracker, no way wanting to go back to how I lived dependant on booze.

So I say, play the tape, Hope, where is this all going to end? Having to call the police, upsetting your dogs so they bite them and then God know s what. Addiction is a terrible thing and Dopey purposefully got himself in it to be the same as daffy. As Doggoncarl says not my circus not my monkeys!

How far will you play the tape in reality until you switch it off, or until the tape runs out and spins uncontrollably.

I hope you and your husband put yourselves and home first before any friend. I can't imagine a friend behaving like that!

Thinking of you

HTown

I am concerned about these people in your life. My first instinct is to tell you to have the locks on your house changed at once. Your husband was there with the two of them, but not always with them together, they would not leave, and they came back later that night. Why would they do that with a hotel room available to them? To work on the car, I suppose. The car needs to go. The house needs to be locked at all times. I am sorry to say you must practice tough love here or these people will run all over you. They are users, takers, they will suck you dry.

HopeandFaith1

I am a little worried too. Even though they were at one time friends, they have since become hard core addicts and as you probably know, that changes things. I mean on one hand, I'm an addict too, so I do understand to a point, though I never could get on the hard drugs the booze did enough damage, but I do think people addicted to hard drugs get desperate for them, and will take desperate measures to get them - they are generally more expensive and/or harder to obtain than booze, which is normally easy to come by but very damaging in its own way.

Anyway I am just low, my husband called and got mad at me because I am not over the moon with enthusiasm about entertaining his sister and her kid tonight. Of course he is excited - he gets to sit there and still drink his rum and watch TV and wait for me to get home from work so I can entertain them. He gets to do what makes him happy whether they are there or not.

I am hoping all of these people have meandered on down the road by the time Sunday gets here!! And yes I'm going to have to figure out a way to beef up home security before my husband goes out of town.

Ariesagain

I feel a sudden late Friday work emergency coming on...that only you can handle.

It's his sister. He's on deck.

Berrybean

THIS!!!!!

Unless you happen to be Mummy Duck and Daddy Dope do not get embroiled in this situation. Dopey made a decision as an adult to join the lovely Daffy in her unmanageable lifestyle. You could not stop him doing this and cannot change anything for them long-term now.

Please, do not let them take you hostage.

heartcore

Wow. & wow.

For once I have no advice. But I did really appreciate the names you gave them! It lightened up the whole horrible mess.

I have a little place all my own. I've allowed my adult children to stay, and my best friend & her hubby (whom I love & are very reciprocal) come stay here for every vacation (because it is New Orleans...). That's it. I cherish my quiet space. It would be so difficult to turn away someone who had been in hubby's life for so many years, but they sound like house guests from a disturbing movie!

Sending a hug & prayers, cause that's all I've got. Just stay clean & sober, or all hell will break loose!!

heartcore

Ps. Do hide or remove all valuables, including financial paperwork from your home as soon as you can. Dopey might still retain a modicum of loyalty to his long-term friendship with your hubby, but I don't trust Daffy as far as you can throw a peanut...

sweetichick

I had an ex who for five years kept showing up every time he was homeless. I finally had the guts to refuse him and low and behold he found somewhere. These people are just users. You will be thank yourself later if you end the friendship before things get worse.

HopeandFaith1

Sadly, Mummy Dopey has told him that they are not allowed to come stay with her either. I admire her for showing him some tough love but on the other hand kind of wish she'd step in to help them so they would get out of our hair.

HopeandFaith1

I can come to peace with ending the friendship I think, I just wish they weren't dragging all the critters around with them you know? They deserve better, but it's something I don't have much control over at the moment.

HopeandFaith1

I thank everyone for taking the time to comment. I am going to head home soon and just face this head on, it is true this is really only temporary and things will hopefully be back to normal soon. My emotions are kind of all over the place like they were in "early" sobriety and I am a little down about feeling this way again, but will try to make the best of it, including sending Dopey and Daffy up the road to poor old Mummy Dopey's house if I have to. Thank you again you guys, I hope you all have a lovely evening. I will be back to update when able!

HTown

To say nothing of the teenage daughters. I worry for them too.

Good luck, stay strong. Drinking won't make it go away or better!

HopeandFaith1

Yes! I didn't include them because they have gone to stay with their Grandma, thank God! But it has no doubt been tough on them too!! Thanks HTown

Maudcat

Hang in there. After sil and niece go home, and the creepy addicts have been dispatched, maybe you can plan a mental health day for yourself.

Mags1

..be strong Hope, you can do this!

Looks like you have to take the reins with hubby hiding in his drink.

You'll feel better for it. I hope you manage to get some 'me' time. It's my favourite place too!x

Jojay

Hi HopeandFaith1.Hope you are ok.And that you decided to keep that nightmare couple out of your house and your lives.They will survive.