Elephant rides
 

I'm 55 on Saturday - happy birthday to me - and it's only just dawned on me how powerless I am over this drinking habit of mine. I think all my willpower and decisions are pretty worthless. This habit drives me, not the other way around.
An analogy about our thinking, about the way our minds work is that if you imagine sitting on an elephant, the elephant goes wherever it wants and you, believing you're in charge, create reasons for why you're going where you're going. That certainly seems to be the way I am.
My drinking is a bit haywire at the moment. I know its wrong but tomorrow I'll wake up and do the same thing again. It would need a massive tidal change to get me to change direction. Any declaration based on common sense is pretty feeble. The thing is, whatever I am, I'm not running the show here. I'm just the idiot dragged along behind the vehicle.
Anyway, I don't know, hopefully I can see some sense and limit the damage I'm doing. Try again. Want to be back being sober, I love being sober, that's the stupid thing.
Is that the way any of you feel, like there's something controlling you, something above your willpower? If so, then what are we doing?

Taplow: Yes, I often felt this way, that there was "something" controlling "me". I never realized or at least did not acknowledge that this "something" was the AV coming from part of my brain and that the "me" which was being controlled was the ever weakening rational part of my brain. Only when the AV was put back in its cage, hopefully in its oubliette, was it possible to resurrect and strengthen the real 'me". I could have joined a "Smart Recovery" group but I had never heard of that. This continued for fort years. I've been sober now for 28.

W.

Hi thanks wpaiterw, what is AV though?

Why do so many people give in to addiction- but can succeed (at first) in every other part of their life? I do not know. It took something very radical for me to stop drinking. A classic rock bottom - with a dash of steroids and hell added.
I adapted to- and learnt from a dysfunctional childhood (no blame, just fact) by isolating, hiding- running away. Then as an adult - those maladaptive emotional strategies came into play added with alcohol. So the cycle continued. It was not until I stopped dinking and worked very. very hard to relearn some semblance of emotional maturity that I began to succeed. This means much more than just sobriety. It is working with a counsellor- to work out how to learn, grow and adapt adult coping skills. AA and SMART- are everyday supports to maintain sobriety. There is no magic cure.
Prayers to you.

Taplow, AV is an acronym for Alcoholic Voice, it is the little voice in our head that convinces us to drink. No matter how rational we are knowing our drinking hurts us, the alcoholic voice will convince us its ok to drink. The AV must be arrested.

Taplow: AV is a concept postulated by Jack Trimpey, author of Rational Recovery (much of which has been adopted by the more communitarian Smart Recovery). I won't try to explain it all. Google it and also there are secular forums on this SR website which discuss and explain it. I admire many aspects of this but disagree with Trimpey in his view that it is totally inconsistent with AA, which, he believes, is harmful to persons in recovery. Happy Birthday! Give yourself a big present and start in on sobriety.

W.

I found RR/AVRT to be enormously helpful , there are great threads on these ideas here on SR in the Secular Connections forum, I highly recommend giving hem 'a look see'.
To put in terms of your analogy, you are capable of getting off the elephant and it has no power to command you to ride again, you can dismount and walk away, you just need to break the illusion that you are 'stuck' in Its saddle.
wish you well and hope to see you around

It doesn't need to be a massive tidal wave actually. It can start from a simple decision to not live this way another day.

go see your Dr, make sure you're ok to quit and then...don't buy booze one day, repeat the next day.

It won't be pleasant, but it is very very possible.

D