Day 11: But On Alert
 

Hi all, I've not posted here is some time, though I've been reading a lot of the threads lately. Like others on here, I've been on a merry-go-round of abstinence and then binges - been that way really for the last few years if I'm honest. On the bright side, this has been my most "sober year" so far, I've been sober for about 180 of the last 360 days. But I keep slipping up. I'm on Day 11 now after what was one of the most frightening binges I've had, which included not remembering driving to the store, smashing a magnum of wine on my kitchen floor, finding empty wine bottles in my car, and a vague memory of a screaming rant in the apartment parking garage (lord knows what the neighbors think).

I feel good now, sleeping much better, eating well, feeling optimistic...the things that come with being on Day 11. But I'm so sensitive to avoid any trigger that might bring on another binge I almost want to stay in my controlled apartment to avoid anything. I'm unemployed now (lost last one due to drinking) and looking, so I don't NEED to leave. Reading and posting here helps, but I'm afraid of going to an AA meeting, as strange as that may sound. I've been before and found myself triggered by the meeting - it made me think too much about alcohol. Am I alone in this stinking thinking? It is ok to "hibernate" for a few weeks to get back some sanity and strength THEN go out?

Good to see you, SunnyDenver, and great job on 11 sober days. Much better days and a much better way of life await you.

Do you have a plan for sobriety?

I' ll post a link to a fantastic SR thread in a minute.

Lean on us!

As promised:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=psst

are you gonna hibernate sober?

we share our experience not our opinion with the newcomers

i had to get thrown into a locked psych ward to really accept in my heart the unmanageable condition of my life

then i was able to become willing to go to aa and follow some simple direction

God bless

:tyou

I am currently hibernating and I like it. I do go to a SMART meeting twice a week though which I love. I also go for walks so I don't get cabin fever and then it's nice to come back home.
I'm back to work in three weeks and terrified of that because my trigger is there (my ex) and I can't avoid him. My meetings address triggers and give tactics to try and stop acting on them.
Life is hard at times, there will always be triggers. You are doing so well I'm sure you can do it.

I often talk about building sober muscles.

I'm not sure avoiding the world for a few weeks will do that on its own.

I went out to things, but I made sure they were not things that involved alcohol - picnics, coffee dates, movies, walks, hobbies , sports.

I always had an escape plan just in case alcohol suddenly became involved or the situation became overwhelming for me...

In that way I got used to socialising sober, and my resolve to stay sober, and prefer being that way, got a little more permanent :)

Now I can go anywhere and do anything and I know I'll stay sober, but I had to work up to that.

D